What to do if I feel like I don’t like my puppy?

[je5usfre4k]

@elinell Honestly, I think it’s the same as with human babies. Nobody and I mean nobody talked about postpartum depression thirty or forty years ago. I suspect there were so many women over those years who found themselves completely overwhelmed by their newborn humans (especially since not having children wasn’t that easy a choice at the time) and yet didn’t have any resources or ability to understand what was happening to them.

Ten years ago I was pretty active on a breed-specific forum. I got a puppy and he was a handful and a half. I started a thread for “Frazzled Puppy Owners” and it went bonkers. All kinds of people who had never posted before came out of the woodwork going, OMG, I thought it was just me.

You’ll get through it, I promise. But don’t be too hard on yourself, though…this isn’t easy!!!

 

[caradavina]

@elinell You have a puppy that's doing puppy things.

You have basically two choices: deal with the puppy shit and suck it up or re-home her.

What's driving you crazy probably won't get that much worse, but it's not going to get better for awhile.
You're going to have to put in hours and hours and hours of training if you want to see improvement. If you neglect the training, you won't see improvement. She'll get bigger, stronger, and will be a lot harder to deal with.

If you re-home her (talk to your breeder about this), she's young enough that she can easily bond with another family. You'll then have the option to adopt an older dog from a shelter or rescue that has some training already. You'll still have to work with the dog, but the majority of the puppy behaviors will be over.

 

[kiril7]

@elinell It takes time. Everyone tells me how great my dog is (1 year and 4month yellow lab). However the first 6 months I was so tired of her and felt like we weren’t bonding. She still has puppy in her, but I trust her 1000% and it doesn’t matter who she is with or what she is doing, she always periodically looks for me and makes sure to give me some kisses. A lot of what you describe is them growing and learning. You got this!

 

[lostone971]

@elinell It’s totally okay to not enjoy the puppy stage, but I think you definitely need to change your outlook.

Puppies don’t know how to spite someone or even feel spite. And I’d reframe “bad behavior” as “puppy behavior”

All the undesired behavior we train out of them is perfectly normal behavior for them, and the best thing we can do is be empathetic to it.

That being said, your feelings are valid! When my pup was about 12 weeks sometimes I literally had to go lock myself in the bathroom and take a shower just to get a break. Raising a puppy is hard!!

There’s an article around, you could google called “kidnapped from planet dog” and I think it’s really helpful to developing the right outlook.

It will get better, you’ve got this.

 

[rozmac]

@elinell OP, just wanted to say that I’m in the same boat with a 13 week old retriever.

I got up with him this morning, and the one second I turned to make myself some coffee he grabbed the towel under his (very full) water bowl and yeeted it and the bowl across the kitchen. And he was just getting started. I thought walking a puppy would be a nice relief, but even that is a chore

He has a brother from his litter who lives nearby, and we schedule play visits pretty frequently. Having him get energy out with another puppy has been a TOTAL lifesaver for us. Are there any ways you can find other people with puppies?

 

[elinell]

@rozmac She’s enrolled in a puppy class, but that doesn’t start until the end of this month. Unfortunately I just don’t know anyone in this town, and I don’t feel comfortable just asking on my town’s Facebook group if anyone wants to have a puppy play date lol

 

[songfinderdan25]

@elinell Google trainers near by- some have puppy meet ups. Also might be able to get into a class sooner.

 

[deadtotheworldforchrist]

@elinell Just one puppy class will not be enough. Just saying.

 

[alektra]

@elinell Yeah, the last two weeks have been hard! You probably have a few more hard weeks to go. Not like these weeks, different hard. Then, different again.

The love follows the care.

 

[songfinderdan25]

@elinell Drastically lower your expectations for the next 6-9 months!

Pups not testing you or trying to be bad- pup doesn’t know what you expect until you show her. You’ll know she knows what’s right when she starts doing it. She wants all the praise and treats- you have to teach her how to get them.

Dogs are simple they do what’s reinforced and fun(like tugging on the leash to smell all the smells) is very reinforcing. They do not spite or get stubborn- they simple find the fun of what they are doing more reinforcing than what you’re offering. You have to train the dog to think what you want them to do is fun or offer a higher reenforcement.

Watching puppies learn with excitement and explore the world is what makes them soooooo adorable! Enjoy all that cuteness! Be consistent and patient, it takes months not days for a new dog to learn the rules.

 

[milkjuggles]

@elinell Get a dog trainer to teach you how manage your dog. GRs are really food motivated so training is usually easy. First month with our 8 week old pup I hated her, each morning started at 5am and her room was full of pee and poop. She would be so happy to see me in the morning that she would step all over her mess and then jump on me. Some times I felt like punching her lights out

But since we started to go for longer walks and going to puppy classes once a week she's been great still being a little monster some times but it's all manageable. One thing I got from the class and a few YouTube videos - the puppy doesn't do anything wrong in his mind, he's not trying to get you mad, he just doesn't know any better. A year from now you'll have a great dog that almost always knows what you want. Just start going to puppy classes or individual training

 

[elinell]

@milkjuggles Yep, we’re signed up for a puppy class, but it doesn’t start until the end of this month.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@elinell I think you should think of it as an actual baby. Babies are so curious, they try to things that are dangerous for them, etc. First 3 months is usually when a puppy stop chewing random things like shoes, cables, etc. If you really don’t have the capacity to take care of a dog then there’s nothing wrong with giving it away. Some people like to pressure and say things like awww you’re just gonna give him away after being with you for so long? Don’t listen to them. It’s up to you on what you want to do after you put all the effort to take care of the puppy. Some people are just not mentally and physically prepared to take care of a puppy. If you can’t it’s just worse for the puppy. And also keep in mind your current puppy is nothing compared to the size it’ll be as an adult. It will be able to steal food off your table if not trained properly. Not trying to say you should give it away, because this breed is amazing, but it’s up to you on how much you’re willing to deal with the dog.

 

[kylo28]

@elinell You’ve gotten good advice so far. Just want to add that at 11.5 weeks old, your puppy should sleep >16 hours a day. Closer to 18, probably. Some of your problems will likely resolve themselves with consistent, enforced nap times.

30 minutes up, then rest for an hour or two. Repeat.

Walks should be extremely short, intense play should be extremely short. Think 5-10 minutes. Know how little kids get wildly cranky, hyper, etc. and someone’s like “Ope time for a nap!”? Well, puppies are no different.

Doubly beneficial because it saves your sanity.

 

[elinell]

@kylo28 Not to be rude, but I do wish people would read the whole post where I mention that I enforce nap times

 

[kylo28]

@elinell Sorry, I read it, I was just trying to be less blunt by pointing at different up/down times and activity lengths, rather than saying “Lol an hour is clearly way too much, never mind two, you need to break this up and probably increase the total nap time.” I was also trying to avoid the “why is she sprinting at the end of her leash, pups really shouldn’t be going out for leashed walks of any significant length at that age, it’s too much stimulation and just builds bad leash habits”, as well as pointing out a more general “the pup may be getting too wound up for too long” by pointing out very short exercise times (5-10 minutes), given the behavior described. Puppy “walks” at this point are likely going to be very close to home, literal stop-and-smell-the-flowers exercises in stimulation exposure.

More bluntly: Your times aren’t working, and that should be pretty obvious. An hour up, especially if there’s any significant activity going on for the bulk of it, is probably too much ATM. You should be aiming for more than 16 hours of sleep – which is about what you’re giving them – and ideally more than 18 hours. In a perfect world, we’re talking 20 hours per day, until they’re about 5 months old (~20 weeks). You should be working your way towards an hour up, not starting at an hour (or god, two) up.

As an example, here’s an AKC article that includes a general schedule. 12 hours overnight, breakfast, 30 minutes play/socialize, potty, nap, potty, lunch, 30 minutes play/socialize, potty, nap, potty, 30 minutes play/socialize, potty, nap, dinner, a bit more play/socializing (little longer is fine here prolly), potty, bed for 12 hours.

Again, realize that “up to an hour” is the maximum, not the starting point. You can start scaling up at various points to see where tolerance thresholds are for getting overtired.

You’ve had them two weeks, there’s some trial-and-error you need to be doing to find the right amount of everything for your particular pup.

Cheers and good luck.

 

[elinell]

@kylo28 So, I’m not walking her, actually. She runs to the end of her leash when I take her out to potty. We do work on some walking skills, but I’m not like hardcore walking her lol.

 

[markz]

@kylo28 My 17 week old puppy hates his crate and barks LOUDLY the entire time he is in there. I recorded it when I was out to see how long he barked and was shocked that it was the entire 90 minutes. We have another dog roaming free in the rest of the house who stays quiet. Our pup is in his crate in our bedroom with the door shut. Help!!

 

[markz]

@kylo28 My 17 week old puppy hates his crate and barks LOUDLY the entire time he is in there. I recorded it when I was out to see how long he barked and was shocked that it was the entire 90 minutes. We have another dog roaming free in the rest of the house who stays quiet. Our pup is in his crate in our bedroom with the door shut. Help!!

 

[jcm2000]

@elinell Thanks for your post. I'm going through the same thing. I have a senior Australian shepherd, 14 yo, and now a 13 week old Australian shepherd. I'm exhausted and feel like a hostage. It's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one.

This morning, at my wits end, I lost it and started yelling at the dogs. They took it in stride, and are now exhausted and sleeping. I'm not perfect. I remember my mother losing it on us as kids. We all have our limits.

But it doesn't mean we're failures, and it doesn't mean we have to get rid of our dogs. It just means we're burnt, at the moment.

The advice people have posted to you has been very helpful to me.

Hang in there, you're not alone.