[Rant] I’m so sick of non-dog owners “educating” me about how I need to show my dog I’m the alpha and be domineering

[skybienhoa]

@neala My brother has no idea what a dog really is, and believes anything anyone tells him, except for me (who actually has a dog, I take classes every week and I have trained my dog better than anyone in my family could've (she was reactive, scared of children and insecure about everything)). My uncle told him that playing with certain toys would make dogs see you as prey and that they would try to hunt you and eat you, and even after I explained to him that's not true because dogs aren't dumb and they know you're family, not prey, he still said it made sense. Now I belive my mother told me this uncle started (he obvioulsy didn't finish) studying to become a professional dog trainer, so either he skipped all his classes or this was some Cesar Millan type of bs. The worst thing, this uncle has a dog. The poor dog lives alone outdoors in some land they have and the few times they take her out for walks she's on a 0.5 meter prong that doesn't even let her lower her head to smell the floor, not to mention the treatment she gets with this kind of shitty mentality.

 

[kaccy]

@skybienhoa oh man!! I’m so sorry you have to go through this! Awww your poor uncle’s dog!! That’s no life! But sadly there are a lot of ppl who believe dogs should live this way and be treated this way. It bugs me bc I’m huge on velcro dogs my dog does everything w me and is always by my side! I’d treat my dog better than some ppl if I’m being honest! And good for you for taking classes!! I’ve watched a lot of videos and read books bc I can’t afford classes, so I applaud you for training her properly! thanks for sharing w me!

 

[kaccy]

@neala Oh god, my nightmare!! lol I’m so sorry!! Someone once tried to put a prong collar on my dog and said he knew what he was doing don’t worry he’s going to yank the sh*t out of the collar on a walk & my dog will from then on understand that if he reacts he’ll receive a painful stimuli. Yea, that didn’t happen. I was like you’re not coming near my dog and I don’t know where you learned that since you DONT have a dog but that’s NOT correct! This guy took it as more proof that I’m a wuss so my dog doesn’t respect me and I don’t know how to care for a dog. I wanted to punch him in the face. He just kept going on and on explaining how pain stimuli works and how if someone were to put a prong collar on me and I misbehaved I’d learn my lesson so it’s the same w dogs. OMG it was one of the most infuriating, outrageous lectures where I just was like wowwwww you should never be allowed to have a dog and stay the hell away from us! Lol sorry for the extra rant, thanks for the comment!

 

[bluesneakers]

@kaccy I hate to say this but there’s a toxic masculinity aspect to this (which women can just as easily propel). Certain personality types see EVERYTHING as a dominance/control thing, and that spills over onto their notions of pet ownership. The whole Cesar Milan phenom added fuel to the fire. I think it’s incredibly unhealthy for dogs to exist in this dynamic personally. I mean really, do they want a companion or just another thing that feeds their need to control and dominate? Feel free to smugly know that these “alpha believers” probably have wrecks for personal lives .

 

[newbie2016]

@bluesneakers This is sooo true. My uncle said to me, “your dog just wants to be controlled” and tried to force him into an interaction with another dog. It’s no wonder he has a string of “crazy” ex-girlfriends and hasn’t had a successful relationship…

 

[bluesneakers]

@newbie2016 Right??? It’s like get some self awareness y’all and stop making poor puppies pay for your lack-of-therapy . It’s actually not funny because this mindset has disastrous results. When I see a guy walkin around like a big man with his uncut, crop-eared, choke-collared pitbull my heart breaks a little cause I (perhaps unfairly) assume that dog is getting the full-on “I’m your master bow down” treatment at home. From everything I’ve learned with my having my own rescue pittie and research, the best obedience happens because their human fosters trust, security and stability (aka opposite of fear).

 

[newbie2016]

@bluesneakers Agreed! I try to use these moments as reminders to cultivate empathy for all creatures, big and small

 

[kaccy]

@newbie2016 Empathy and love really takes you so much further doesn’t it? My best friends dogs love me more than them bc I give them so much more attention and love. When I’m around they’ll listen to me more than my best friends but I also believe it’s bc they’re really good dogs too! And my best friends aren’t horrible dog owners; I just lay on the love super thick LOL

 

[kaccy]

@bluesneakers Omg seriously!! 100%

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@newbie2016 a dog wants you to explain the world and lead him. Not dominate. Sadly a lot of people don't see the difference.

 

[kaccy]

@imagebeastmarkbeast EXACTLY!! This is so spot on!!! And being a leader has NOTHING to do w being aggressive or dominant! If I was in a pack, I’d have less trust if my leader was always all up in my face screaming/yelling & asserting overbearing fearful dominance. That helps me none! How do people not see that? If your dog is nervous about you or loses that trust, why would they be more confident and become less reactive?? If anything they’d become more reactive bc everything is perceived as a threat. At least that’s my opinion! Thanks for your words and letting me vent this out!

 

[kaccy]

@newbie2016 !!

The trainer I hired did the same thing and it ruined my dog. She kept trying to force him to greet a full grown Dane (mine is a runt) in a super stressful environment! I was like ok I know I’m no professional but this can’t be right!! I stepped in bc it was so clear my dog was stressed to his max AND that this trainer had no control whatsoever! In the end, I cut the session, the trainer ended up w a black eye bc my dog lost his shit and she couldn’t control him like she swore up and down she is fully capable. Of course she blamed me and said it’s bc I stepped in - honestly if I hadn’t stepped in my dog would’ve probably attacked the other Dane & it would’ve turned into a nasty fight! I’m sure she felt stupid bc my dog dragged her a bit plus she ended up w a black eye! Looking back I regret that session sooooo much!! I had such a bad feeling about it from the start but I wanted to trust her since she was recommended by a friend and works w a well known rescue organization. Yea no that was a total fail and waste of money! And just like you said w your uncle, this trainer was “special”… hindsight’s a b*tch! I’m still so haunted by that incident and blame myself so much! Thanks for sharing w me and commenting!! I totally never even thought about how weird and “special” the trainer was until I read your comment!! Hey thanks for letting me vent this out too I appreciate it

 

[kaccy]

@bluesneakers PREACH!! I’ve definitely noticed the ones who are very aggressive in personality are umm mannnn they have some serious ego and control issues! Both men and women and I swear sometimes for me, the women are harsher like they’re trying to prove themselves as tough or something. (Just fyi I’m female so it just really irks me when women are all up in my face with their aggressive personalities like dude, chill out, I get it, you wanna be the leader, you know everything, ok just go over there away from me lol) hahaha thanks for your comment especially the last part bc you’re totally right!

 

[mssonya84]

@kaccy Dogs do not have a concept of alpha. I say this, deadpan, whenever people bring this shit up. I really hate it.

You're doing the right thing by your dog, and you should be proud of yourself for calmly setting up boundaries instead of getting dragged into a ridiculous argument with people who clearly have no idea what they're talking about.

I'd obviously never let this happen in real life, but sometimes I like to think about how these people would try to handle my dog. He's got incredible bounceback and he's very assertive, so any alpha bullshit is likely to end up with them getting their asses kicked. You cannot win a physical fight with a dog.

What you can do, however, is punish an already fearful or anxious dog into shutting down. Then what you have is suppressed behaviour, not good behaviour. You have a dog that's too scared to do anything and anxious about where the next senseless punishment will come from. And eventually, when pushed enough, a time bomb that will explode into worse aggressive behaviour.

 

[littleowlet]

@mssonya84 Ugh, this. I watched a guy doing dominance/alpha training on his dog at a community bonfire a couple years back and it was so upsetting. She was being a typical just-out-of-puppyhood energetic dog at an exciting event, and I watched this adult male human literally lie down on the ground on top of her and wrap his hands around her snout. She was obviously terrified and confused; you could just see her entirely shut down.

 

[mssonya84]

@littleowlet I've watched videos from "dominance" trainers on YouTube and seen similar stuff. It's genuinely so upsetting, that poor girl.

 

[kaccy]

@mssonya84 It sucks that there’s people out there who truly believe they can only keep their dogs in line by beating them or scaring the crap out of them!

 

[whiteknightnews]

@littleowlet I'm not going to lie, when I moved out on my own and took my dog with me I did this when she acted out. My mom is a firm believer of dominance training and that's what I grew up with and "it seemed to work" so I didn't question it. But then I stopped. In part because I'm not that kind of person, and I don't feel well when I act like that, and in part because I realized that me and my dog were so much better when we worked together as a team. Did some of the discipline my mom taught her slip? Sure, but I don't care if my dog can walk a perfect heel, as long as she can go on a walk without being a danger to herself, others, or pull like crazy. Did she start begging more? Yes, but that's on me, I'd share food with her, etc.

She passed some years back and I have new dogs now. Dogs that would never get through the kind of training Lady did without developing even more serious issues than they have now. But now I know better. Me and the dogs are a team and we work on things together and it doesn't have to be perfect as long as it works and we're all okay with it. And I'm forever grateful that Lady was strong enough to teach me that.

 

[littleowlet]

@whiteknightnews Good for you for learning, listening to your dog, and being willing to change and evolve your training style - and also for the bravery of sharing your experience! There's definitely bad stuff that I inherited from my parents' training methods that I was doing with my pup early on, just thinking it was "the way people trained dogs" because I'd never raised one as an adult.

In a lot of ways, I feel a little bit lucky that my dog has some reactivity issues because it meant that I found this community and corrected a lot of stuff I was doing early on. I remember this lightbulb moment of realizing that my whole job was being an advocate for my dog and putting him in the best situation for success as I could possibly manage. Whereas before I was doing a lot of assuming he should somehow magically know what I wanted or expected, and then being mad at him when he didn't.

 

[kaccy]

@littleowlet This is really cool to read. Thanks for sharing your story! Honestly I’ve always had reactive dogs my whole life but they’ve been small dogs (of course chihuahuas- well one chihuahua and one chihuahua mix) so I was stupid when I was younger too where I’d just pick them up and be like NO!!! Bad!!! SHUSH!! Then like you I ended up here when I was fostering an abused reactive big dog and learned from so many others. Real eye opener isn’t it? I wish all dog owners would learn about reactive dogs and maybe try to be a little thoughtful when they see someone struggling w a reactive dog.