I can’t do this anymore

[englishreformed]

Today my dog bit someone. I was working with someone to rehome my dog. My dog actually got along well with this person and I had them meet before trying out a weekend stay. Everything was going really well. I got updated on my dog and it was surprising me how well he seemed to be doing. He got along with the person and he was being introduced to people (the right way). He even allowed other people to pet him and was seemingly okay.

Well, he ended up biting one of this person’s guests. A few hours before he was completely fine.

Biting has been my biggest fear with my dog. He has never done this before, but he barks intensely and I could see it potentially escalating to something like that without the right care.

I was hesitant to rehome and really wanted to go with a rescue, but this person did all of their homework and did nothing wrong. My dog just abruptly bit someone with no warning signs. I don’t know what to do. I’m calling the rescue tomorrow to see if they can get him into foster care with intensive training. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve seen posts about BE, and my intrusive thoughts are telling me that maybe that would be my last option now since he’s but where before it would have been sending him to a rescue for his breed. I can’t do this anymore.

Edit: Thank you for those that understood and validated my thoughts that I didn’t write about on this post due to feeling absolutely devastated. I was very explicit with this person about my dog and what to do should they decide to keep my dog in the long-run. I do take blame on not being explicit in saying there should be no introductions during this time. But was surprised that they made a judgment call and did this anyways without keeping my dog on a leash. At this point I’m moving forward with calling the rescue today, hoping they can prioritize my dog with this recent issue. My dog is not aggressive, he is fearful and was put in a situation I deeply regret putting him in, it unlocked all my greatest fears.

The thought of not having my dog is already extremely painful, because I do love my dog so much. But I’m not cut out for this. And my dog biting someone has been something I explicitly expressed to this person was my biggest fear. I told them it has never happened but I could see it happening if things aren’t done the right way.

 

[tiernon]

@englishreformed

I’m calling the rescue tomorrow to see if they can get him into foster care with intensive training.

That's all you need to think about tonight. Brains turn into lying little gremlins if you feed them after 10pm; tell your intrusive thoughts that if it's true tonight, it'll still be true tomorrow, so save it.

I'm sorry this happened; hopefully you'll have more wits about you to deal with it after some sleep.

 

[bev1953]

@tiernon

Brains turn into lying little gremlins if you feed them after 10pm

Omg

 

[addisciple]

@tiernon Incredible, my therapist used to say similar but not quite so impactful haha

 

[theflower]

@englishreformed This is 100% the other persons fault. In no world should they have been introducing your dog to house guests while on a trial run. Your dog was in a new environment, with a new person, and then being forced to meet even more people. Of course he was stressed and far beyond threshold. Personally I would not allow this person to adopt your dog because they did not advocate for them.

For tonight, all you can do is accept what has happened and get a good nights rest. Your plan of calling the rescue in the morning is a great first step. Take it one step at a time and don’t get ahead of yourself. Easier said than done.

 

[stephcooper46]

@theflower Absolutely this. The 3-3-3 rule is a thing and perfectly well adjusted dogs can bite in a new home. The other people went way too fast and did this to the dog.

 

[hamoninja]

@stephcooper46 What is the 3-3-3 rule?

 

[skylarmarleaux]

@hamoninja It's a guide on how long rescue animals take to decompress in their new home. 3 days to settle, 3 weeks to get used to a routine, 3 months personality should be fully present and the pet should be almost adjusted to the home and routine.

 

[hamoninja]

@skylarmarleaux Thank you!

 

[joyfullyobey]

@theflower Absolutely. Posts like this make me angry. This dog behaved reasonably, that’s what dogs do. The owner has to make sure to keep dog and guests separately. Not the dogs fault at all.

 

[ineedhelpwithgod]

@theflower I'm no expert but I was surprised when I saw in the OP both "doing everything right" and "introducing the dog to people". When I adopted my rescue the foster org said 2 weeks of no one else meeting the dog while he adapted to the new environment and if we saw issues after opening up slowly to lock down for two weeks again.

 

[coolbutclueless]

@englishreformed Your dog was set up for failure. The person you were working with obviously has no clue on how to handle a reactive dog if they were forcing interactions for hours. Also, there were probably plenty of warnings. Inexperienced people just don’t pick up on anything other than a straight growl, snap, or bite.

 

[jon1032]

@coolbutclueless

Also, there were probably plenty of warnings.

Yup. I have a reactive dog and the first trainer I hired came straight at my dog with her finger pointed towards my barking dog, wagging her finger and yelling at my dog "No! I am in charge!" My dog bit her hand. I honestly was so flabbergasted because this trainer had bragged to me on the phone multiple times that she was so great. She literally stormed at us, and my dog got in front of us clearly trying to protect us. Her hair was standing on end so much it looked like she had been electrocuted. She gave the trainer so much warning and the trainer kept telling us to not say or do anything and then had the nerve to act surprised when a clearly angry dog bit her. I'm still upset about that. There were a few times I got so frustrated I wanted to give up, and those moments were absolutely exacerbated by a trainer who acted like she knew what she was doing (she tried to get us to stop our dog from growling when obviously a growl is a warning and it's best to get the warning and not the bite). OP, I feel your frustration.

 

[samuel93]

@jon1032 Ah yes, the good ol screaming at an already agitated dog to make it docile and behave.

 

[ayopoker]

@jon1032 That wasn’t a trainer— that was an idiot posing as one. OMG! From your description she was so inept it’s almost comical. Unfortunately, you had to witness that. Holy cow.

 

[samuel93]

@jon1032 Ah yes, the good ol screaming at an already agitated dog to make it docile and behave.

 

[providenciaet]

@englishreformed The person should absolutely not be introducing a reactive dog to guests when they’re just first getting to know then. That’s 100% their fault and not the dogs.

 

[englishreformed]

@providenciaet I actually had no idea they were going to try to introduce my dog to others. I was kind of surprised when I found that they were doing this and I should have told them not to do that, but they were saying he was doing well. I honestly trusted them too much. I received an update on how “well” my dog was doing and I prior to the trial run I had mentioned that if they did decide to keep my dog and wanted to introduce my dog to others it would be best to continue training my dog with his leash attached. And to not take the leash off at any point and not to allow anyone to do anything to him when introducing (ignore, don’t speak to him, don’t look at him). I should have been more explicit that introducing him this time a shouldn’t have happened and I feel really guilty.

I initially didn’t really want to rehome, because I felt/deep down knew that if he were to be rehomed it would have had to be with someone other than a regular dog owner. Would have to be with someone with legitimate training history.

Honestly, sometimes I feel almost like gaslit by friends and family and so I’ve questioned my takeaways. No one truly understands how my dog is. I tell friends when I introduce him to ignore him completely and not to pet him, I’ve still had friends try to pet him and I have to stop them. Even though he’ll take a pet doesn’t mean he likes it. My dad in the past has made a comment like: “oh I’m sure you’ve read all the books out there but you just need to let your dog be a dog.” Something along those lines but he was invalidating my worried, knowledge, and stress about my dog. I pushed back on this because back home people will have their dogs outside all day every day tied up in their yard. But after hearing constant “oh he’s not that bad, oh he’s just a dog, dogs bark. oh he’s just a dog, I’ve had a dog before they weren’t that stressful.” From my friends and family (honestly everyone around me except my trainer) it’s really hard to feel justified in the truth when everyone acts like you’re crazy for being hyper aware of your dog and his surroundings. Mentally this has led me to a dark place where I just feel alone and isolated.

 

[wdouglas1611]

@englishreformed Yep, it sucks, people really do believe no dog is going to bite them.

My dog bit one person and it was an entirely set up for failure situation that I though I had circumvented ahead of time.

We had only had her 6 months (she was 5 years) and knew she was super territorial with guests, or anything/anyone. She’s afraid of intruders for some reason.

My husband’s buddy was stopping by on his way elsewhere and no one had seen our new place. We agreed to crate the dog. I went running, frankly I don’t care for this buddy, I had no need to see them.

So, I’m not even there, and I’m the primary dog handler, my husband had her outside to pee before crating and the friend shows up, putting them all in the same space. Friend gets out of a big sprinter van, dog is assuredly snapping and snarling - but leashed!! - and friend puts out his hand and continues to approach anyway, in spite of all warnings - and my dog is a warner. She lets the threat know immediately to back off, there’s no surprise about it. Yet, this dumbass gets himself bit on the finger tips.

When I got the text there was a bite I was initially mortified. When I realized what went down I was just gobsmacked. What kind of Darwin Award goes to the dipshit who can’t read the body language of a hostile animal?

I didn’t count that one against her. It was clearly their faults, but mostly the guy who didn’t back off when warned.

 

[messi]

@englishreformed I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. So many people don’t understand how dogs work.

I would join communities (like this thread or Facebook groups) for this kind of situation so you don’t feel so alone. Surround yourself with people that understand.