[Fluff] You're not ready for a dog. And that's O.K

[gjk123]

Hi everybody. This might be long. I've written to this sub a few times over the past month or so about my adoption journey. It's had it's ups and downs, with so much research and second guessing myself, almost adopting before a foster decided they couldn't part with the pup, then finally taking the plunge. And what did I learn?

I'm not ready for a dog. And guess what? That's completely O.K.

I'm sitting on the couch writing this, and my foster JRT Wishbone is snoring next to me. I've had him since last Saturday, and today I'm taking him back to the rescue. It hurts my heart, sure, but .... let me back up, start from the beginning.

When I was with my ex, we had two dogs. Long story short, he took them in the breakup. It was for the best - he had a fenced in yard and 2,000 sq. ft., and there was no way I'd separate the two troublemakers to force one to live in a 600 sq. ft. apartment. So I left them behind with a heavy heart. After living without a pup for over a year, I began to think .... is it time?

So for the last 6 months, I'd been researching. And researching. And guess what? Doing more research. What kinds of dogs of what sizes are allowed in my apartment? How old would the dog be? Crating? Training classes? Can I bring the pup into the office? Anything and everything. I read this sub like a Bible.

I began seriously looking at rescue dogs at the beginning of May. I was ready. I filled out applications to two rescues and went through personal reference checks and multiple phone interviews. One of the rescues has an event at Petsmart every Saturday. I decided to go out last weekend and meet a few pups. After all, I was ready. I walked a few dogs, I decided to foster this grizzled pup, Wishbone.

He's honestly everything I could want in a dog. I didn't go in with the intention of taking home a senior dog. But, even at 10 years old, he still has so much puppy in him. We didn't have one accident this whole week, he didn't cry when crated at night.

His mouth is in an abhorrent state, however, and he'll require $350 - or more - in dental work. I also live in a 3rd floor apartment, and over the course of the week I noticed that he had a consistent level of trouble. Never any audible pain, but he slows down quite a bit once we hit the stairs. And the kicker: 3 nights this week, I should have stayed late at the office. But I didn't. Projects went incomplete and I have so much to catch up on

But I was ready - wasn't I? The truth is, I'm not. And that's O.K.

Dog ownership requires so much more than your heart being ready. I came to the realization that I need to be thinking more about myself, not just what I can provide for a dog. So I put my pride to the side and boiled down the facts.

• I'm not financially prepared. When you read about people putting together a pet emergency fund, don't disregard this information. If I were to keep the dog and pay for the dental work myself, I'd have to bypass my own emergency fund and go into debt (otherwise I'd be draining it to nearly $0). Further, as a senior dog, the problems are only bound to compound during the last 5 years of his life.
• My living situation is not conducive to a senior dog. I am a single woman and nobody else is available to care for the dog during the day. Further, 2 flights of stairs are trouble now, and it doesn't look like it's getting any better.
• My career just won't allow for a pet at this time. After having to skip out on late nights at the office and finishing problems too close to deadline for my -
  and my boss' - liking. And while I was absolutely certain my days wouldn't leave him home alone for more than 9 hours, I didn't factor in my commute. A friend came over to walk him 3 days this week, but the other 2 left him crated for close to 11 hours. And that's not acceptable to me.
  
  

This is a long post, and I'm sorry for that. But I want to show other people that if you're not ready, it's O.K. You may want something so badly it hurts, but not everybody will be financially ready, or able to balance life as a 9-5 employee with a pet. Maybe it requires a trial foster week to open your eyes, which I'm so grateful to have had. Yeah, you might spend 6 months planning, but real life will always be a game changer. If my learnings and this experience can help one person put their pride and emotions aside and weigh their options and what they can provide for a dog, then I'll consider this a win.

 

[appycatholic]

@gjk123 This was a good read. Thanks for sharing. There is so much to worry about aside from just finances. I'm not 100% ready for Phantom, but he brings me so much joy to my life that I will do whatever it takes to keep him. I do understand that there are just hurdles you cannot overcome. I hope that one day you are able to have a furball bring joy to your world and vice versa.

 

[gjk123]

@appycatholic Thank you so much! And you're right - no one will ever be 100% ready. I really just had to weigh whether the circumstances at the end of it all would benefit myself and the dog, and I couldn't say yes to that question. I look forward to the day I can give a dog everything that you give to Phantom!

 

[ivyandroses]

@gjk123 Thanks for sharing! I think a lot more people need to see this because they forget about the effort needed to ensure the dog has a good life and isn't neglected. My best friend has wanted a dog her whole life, but she's realised she's never been in a situation where she can afford one, or prepare to spend the time needed to raise one. She knows eventually she may be able to own a dog but people need to understand that it is okay if you can't rescue a dog now. Many dogs are neglected because some people misjudged how hard it may be in raising a puppy, or a neglected dog for instance. No need to rush, time will come when you are ready

 

[theocrooks]

@gjk123 ... kinda wish people would give advice like this about children too

 

[skynet]

@gjk123 This. You. So much respect for you. So many people don't think it through and end up suffering alongside their dog. The fact that you came to this realization is sad but sounds like it's probably the best option at the moment.

Have you thought of a different kind companion? Cats are in general good apartment dwellers and more independent. I had a rabbit in college in my tiny studio and he was perfect. Just a thought!

 

[gjk123]

@skynet

Have you thought of a different kind companion? Cats are in general good apartment dwellers and more independent. I had a rabbit in college in my tiny studio and he was perfect. Just a thought!

I have thought about a cat because I can leave them alone for longer and still give them time with me in mornings/evenings/weekends. In fact, my mother and few others have suggested a cat as well. However, after jumping through all of these hoops over the last 6 months, I'm a little ... exhausted? Further, I want to make sure I have more of a cushion in my savings account and a small EF for whatever animal I bring into my life.

Thank you so much for commenting, though, and for your suggestions! It wasn't easy, but I feel like a weight has been lifted.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@skynet Depends entirely on the type of cat and its personality. Cats are mesopredators - they need space. They need to be able to roam and feel as though being in your house is an option they have and don't necessarily have to deal with.

Keeping any animal indoor for prolonged periods of time is not going to be conducive of a healthy lifestyle and can be a primary cause of stress and anxiety - that's right, animals most certainly suffer from stress and anxiety.

If you live in an apartment or work long hours or don't have much expendable income - I mean, it's not that hard to reach the conclusion you're not ready to own a cat, let alone a dog.

Dogs and cats both rely on interaction with either another dog or cat or another animal - such as humans - to fulfil their societal needs. Even acts such as grooming and sleeping are integral to the happiness and general wellbeing of a domesticated animal such as a dog or cat.

The needs of the animal should always be our first - having a trial period with a dog is just ridiculous.

 

[johndabaptist69]

@gjk123 That was very mature and responsible of you. Good on you!

 

[nudd]

@gjk123 You can ask the shelter if they have a permanent fostering program. When I fostered my senior dog they offered to pay for his food and medical expenses indefinitely because if I returned him before finding him a home he would have been put down. They called it a permanent foster. Look into becoming an official foster with your shelter and see what else is available.

 

[gjk123]

@nudd That's a great suggestion, but it still doesn't solve the issue that I can't always be home in time. For instance, I should have stayed at the office until 8 on Monday to complete a project due Tuesday, but I left at 5 and didn't get the project done until mid-afternoon the next day. It would still leave me out of the house 10-12 hours a day, which wouldn't be fair to any dog.

I would absolutely love, love, love to have a dog in my life, foster or adopted, but I can't devote the time to one right now. Regardless, thank you!

 

[nudd]

@gjk123 Some offices allow people to bring in dogs. Have you asked what their policy is? I just want you to have a doggo in your life lol

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@gjk123 So much respect for you! I see so many people who get dogs just because they "want" one, and the poor dog is the one who suffers when they aren't prepared

I'll add this: have the hard conversations before you decide to adopt. My boyfriend and I adopted after about three months of living together. Probably a little too fast - though we had been together for a while before - but luckily it worked out for us. But we had a game plan before we decided of what we would do if we broke up. We even had a maximum weight limit so we could carry the dog up and down the stairs to our second floor apartment if he was hurt / when he gets older. We decided on rules (not allowed on furniture, no table scraps) and a schedule of who does what when. We even talked about keeping each other realistic when it comes time to euthanize. Finances were a big conversation too, but they're only part of it. Just because you can afford a dog doesn't mean you're ready. Thank you for writing this.

 

[wmnoffaith1]

@gjk123 I wish i had a dog. It would make the lonely times more bearable... but then i think to myself i work over 50hrs a week... poor pupper would be miserable. So im ok with volunteering to pick up dog shit at the shelter. At least i can play with the puppies when im done.

 

[adamdudley]

@gjk123 Thanks for sharing. You got me!

 

[finlandia]

@gjk123 I love everything about this!! As a dog trainer, i obviously love dogs and think everyone should have them .. But i also will be brutally honest with people about if they're really ready to have a dog. I got mine because after all the planning and reading etc etc i knew my working hours, and knew that anywhere else i wanted to spend a great deal of time, he would be allowed to come. Be ready to not be ready and that's okay

 

[neely]

@gjk123 It's so amazing and mature that you did so much research and came to the conclusion that you weren't ready. Not only is that so good for you, but also for any dog you may have adopted that would have been unfit for your lifestyle if you never did research. I notice many people just skip out on researching and fostering and meeting the pups they're interested in, and that sometimes leads to anger and financial issues for the owner, and often an unhappy dog or a dog that gets tossed out. It's very mature and very very smart of you. It feels good to see that people go through this to make sure everything will work out. I hope that in the future you get to have a dog though, because you will clearly be a fantastic owner!

 

[mnzrt]

@gjk123 I'm gonna make mum read this. She lives with my husband and I. We lost our 17 year old JRT x, Jake, in February and she wants another dog already. Since Jake passed away, our lives have changed a lot. My husband has started a new company and isn't pulling in a living wage and my mum has retired and is on the aged pension, so I'm the only one bringing in a consistent income. The cost of everything for a new dog would fall to me.

On top of that, we already have a lot of other pets: 3 cats, a dog, a rat and a snake. The cats and dog are all getting older, my dog is the youngest at approx. 8 years old and the oldest is mum's cat at 13, the other two cats are 10 and 11. The dog also has athritis and has monthly injections to help with the pain. The male cat is prone to UTIs so he has to have special food which is about $25-30/box of 12 sachets, and he requires medication for another condition. I pay for all of that, as I should since they're my pets.

I volunteered at the RSPCA and worked with troubled/black listed dogs to rehabilitate them for adoption, so I'd also end up training a new dog. Mum is great with dogs once they're trained but if we got a puppy or adopted an untrained older dog, I'd have to do all the work to bring them up to my high standards on top of working full time at a very emotionally and mentally draining job.

The final straw for me is that my husband and mum want to buy a Papillon because they're basically miniature border collies and both mum and my husband love border collies but we don't have the room for one. I'd prefer to adopt a dog that fits our lifestyle regardless of breed as opposed to focusing on a single breed and buying from a breeder.

Disclaimer: Don't get me wrong, good breeders are worthwhile, especially if you want a show dog or need a working dog, but for a pet I don't see the point. However, having volunteered at the RSPCA soured my view of breeders because I saw a lot of dogs come in from puppy mills, the worst being after a raid that brought in about 80 cocker spaniels. My other reason for preferring to adopt rather than buy is that the best dog I've ever owned is my current boy, Kenny, who I adopted.

 

[zas]

@gjk123 You and your future pup will be much happier because you waited. I promise it will be worth it!

 

[kenwsr63]

@gjk123 Why dont you keep it and rehome it. He got a taste of love and now back in a kennel. The shelter has alot of dogs. You only got one to find a home for. I get it i am out the door at 4am walking my dog till 5am then get ready goto work ect ect. you sound like some one who could find a nice home for a ol dog.