No my dog doesn’t want to join your unfenced dog park clique

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christianaspie8701

New member
Hi everyone, this is my first ever post on Reddit so please educate me if I fail at anything, but I just need a vent about my neighbours.

I live in a high rise just outside the inner city, and there is a “dog park” about 2 mins walk away - this park is however not fenced and as such I don’t consider it a dog park. Tis also right on a road.

My dog is a little 1.5 yr old Chihuahua x Jack Russell (X Staffy, X Maltese… the DNA results were interesting!) who is leash reactive. He was well socialised from the time I got him at 14 wks, goes to daycare twice a week, but on lead some dogs really bother him. Going downstairs in the elevator is a terrifying experience for him as the doors will often open to off lead dogs, huge dogs etc, and he’s had some scary experiences. He’s a good boy at daycare and socialises well in the couple of safe, size split dog parks we go to. I walk him in the early morning, when there are fewer of his trigger dogs around, and he gets enough exercise.

My neighbours are constantly asking me why I don’t take him to the park on the corner, even though I’ve explained if it was fenced I would consider it. They also ask me ‘where is your dog’ every time I’m out for groceries, out for walks of my own etc, which makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong letting him have space from triggers.

Basically just a vent as I hate feeling like I have to justify myself for the way I manage my dog’s needs! And also for why I won’t take my dog off lead in an unfenced area!

Thanks for listening 🙂
 
@christianaspie8701 It sounds like they're trying to make you feel welcome to hang out with them (and maybe like they think your dog is cute and want him to come hang out too), but aren't really listening to you when you explain your dog's needs. I definitely get the frustration, but try not to take it personally - I think they mean well.
 
@quant If they're neighbours that you don't know very well it might also be that they just defaulting to asking about your dog as it's the one thing they know about you. I definitely know more neighbours as "the owner of [dog's name]" than the other way around so I wouldn't really know what to say if I saw them without their dog.
 
@christianaspie8701 "where's your dog" when going to get groceries, do they not know it is usually prohibited to bring your dog into a grocery store? and also probably not a great idea for the poor dog to be left outside tied to a pole?

I'm sorry you're going through these frustrations, I have the same with my reactive terrier mix (waiting for DNA results in 2-3 weeks). One of my neighbours kept asking "so you haven't gotten a hold on him yet, huh?" and at some point I just told him that he has issues we might never be able to train away, it is a constant struggle, and not every dog can just be "fixed" like that. He hasn't asked me again since.
 
@christianaspie8701 The ‘where’s you dog’ line I feel like I heard a million times when I lived in an apartment. It’s just them trying to be friendly. Its like ‘how’s the weather?’ Or ‘how’s your kids?’ Even though you are standing outside and you also don’t care about their kids. Just small talk. But yeah, it’s like a clique. There is no other clique in an apartment except the dog people clique.

I can tell you my apartment complex was huge and the only people I recognized from my apartment were the people who had dogs and I only saw them in those same dog small talk chats. So maybe it’s just cause they finally recognize a neighbor who is familiar? And then asking you about them going to the dog park is also similar, they are trying to share an experience with you.

I know it’s hard sometimes when your dog is reactive, but try to remember most people aren’t as judgey as we often think they are. Though it would drive me bonkers that everyone is off leash. Is that ok with your apartment management?
 
@christianaspie8701 Just a thought: what if you said, “I wish I could. It hurts that I can’t, but special needs dogs can’t do what other dogs can. That’s just the hard truth.” I think people need to hear that is hurts and it’s hard. Empathy.
 
@christianaspie8701 As the owner of a large, high energy dog, going on a walk without my dog has never even crossed my mind. Its possible they are of the same mindset, and just don't understand that some dogs don't need or want to go out that often. If it was up to my dog, we would spend all day everyday outside.
 
@tery True! I think people assume he is super high energy when they hear ‘terrier’. I can’t really take him on my ‘proper’ walks as they’re too long for him, so he gets his walk, then I get my walk 😂
 
@christianaspie8701 If there's one thing I've learned over the years...if the answer to a question is interpretable as intrusive or judgemental and the answer is not important - which is almost always the case - don't ask. Questions are inherently intrusive because they literally ask us to explain ourselves.

"Where's your dog?" = none of your business. "Do you need me to call 911?" = important.
 
@christianaspie8701 My dog is VERY active so my neighbors at my old apartment complex would often ask me where she is or if we missed the dog park one day they would ask me where she is. I was never really offended. She is kind of an extension of me so it is surprising to not see us together lol. They would ask and I would tell them oh she's at home or daycare or w/e. I think people are trying to be friendly.

I have an unofficial off leash area as well that people from my fenced in dog park used to use a lot when the dog park got messy. I sometimes asked people if they wanted to go and if they said no I would be like ok! Just say something like "Wish I could! But unfortunately this little fella is a runner and I don't feel safe with the road being there." And they should let it go.
 
@christianaspie8701 This is not a you problem. This is a them problem.

They didn't hear you, or believe you, or understand you, or take you seriously, or maybe didn't remember when you told them about your dog. They asked, you answered. A second ask would annoy anyone.

If they ask a second time, it's their problem. You're not doing anything wrong.
 
@christianaspie8701 I get you. Sometimes people think that if you're not bringing your dog everywhere somehow you're a bad dog owner. My dog is so lazy and doesn't need that many walks out, and will only get stressed out if I take her out somewhere busy! Don't give in. You know your dog better than anyone.
 
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