I hate it when people tell me what my dog is allowed to do

[nrnowlinma]

Alright so this is a vent, which I take alot of you could actually connect with.

So I have two dogs. Z. (5F) and N. (7m M). Both are shelties and it are mother and son. They go well together although Z. does not play with him due to her past.
They are sweet to other dogs and do reach out to sniff at people. Z also lets herself get pet under her chin and if she knows you better on her head but N does not want to be pet by strangers.
This is pretty common for this breed and I do not care. If they really want to interact with him I give the people his favourite candy but I always leave the choice up to him.
I often get cr** for this....

My dogs should let themselves get pet by people. My dogs should just sit still and listen. They should not be allowed on the bed. They should not be allowed on the couch. They should not receive so many treats. I should not allow this.... or that....

I freaking hate it when people are starting to tell me what my dog is allowed to do and not. In my eyes if my dog does not want to be touched by a stranger, that is his right. I doubt people like it that I start just petting them on top of their head.
I often tell people to offer the hand and scratch under the chin. Z loves this and allows it from strangers but pulls back when they go immediately for the top of the head.
When a dog or wolf is threatening another member of its family they lean completely over that member. It's why dogs lower themself to the ground when another dog leans over them.
So in my vision my dog is allowed not to want this.

At the end of the day my dog has to come home with me. I like my dog on the bed to cuddle with them. I like their weight against my legs and side on the couch. I like sitting on the ground and wrestling with my dogs and let them jump all over me.

I train my dogs to be nice in society. Both my dogs are angels to other dogs and they do not growl or bite towards people, not even when they are in the appartement. My dogs can run off leash and stay with me. They can go to crowded places and just sit on my foot while just behaving. They do not jump towards other dogs to meet them.

But again, in the end I go home with them. Not my neighbour, not the person across the street.... and I do not want a dog that just lays in the basket waiting for their walk and food. I like that they play with their toys and bones. That my pup steals our socks. Or my bf his shoes. That I can play as crazy with N by acting as the beanstalk giant chasing him around the house.

Ok, vent done [sup]^[/sup]
Thank you for listening.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@nrnowlinma Sounds like there are a lot of people you should avoid to the fullest extent possible. My dog. My rules. As long as he doesn't hurt anyone.

 

[nrnowlinma]

@imagebeastmarkbeast Yes indeed. I live about 100 metre away from a forest where alot of other dogs come.
And some of those people really need to just.... start telling me how to raise my dog.

If I am talking to long to someone N will come stand up against my leg, asking to be picked up so he can look around while also sniffling my hair.
Now I raised this pup since the day he was born, so my smell for him has been there his entire life. So I always assume he does it because he is anxious orso....

I got told I shouldn't pick him up because he asks to.
Like.... it's my dog. If he wants to be picked up and I am capable of doing it, I will do it.
Then I get told he is not even allowed to jump up against my leg... like... what? Why not? It is easy to scratch him a bit without bending down.
What in the hell is even wrong with that behaviour?

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@nrnowlinma Sounds like followers of the "you must be the alpha" philosophy. Bet they're a joy to hang out with IRL. /s

 

[nrnowlinma]

@imagebeastmarkbeast Ugh....
There is to me body language (like a threat stance over the other dog) and there is a family hierachy.... but the alpha thing.
No...
Even if I make that joke to my oldest dog sometimes (when she is being a B-word I often say: I'm the biggest alpha B-word in this house young lady) i do not believe in it in the way of dominance idd.

But I enjoy it my pup asking to be picked up like he is extra spoiled. And I will keep doing it. Because I enjoy his warm fur and kiss.

 

[sixpointer]

@nrnowlinma My first dog when I was an adult was a sheltie. She lived to 16. She was such a great dog! So incredibly smart, easy to train, sweet, gentle, friendly, and adorable. She also wasn’t a fan of strangers petting her head. Most dogs don’t like that. People are dumb.

 

[mizzy_emerald]

@nrnowlinma I just say with a smile, but in a REALLY non-negotiable manner, "well, when you have your own dog you can train it however you want". That typically sends the message.

 

[prayncrochet]

@mizzy_emerald That's succinct. And a conversation stopper. (Which is this case is a good goal)

 

[ruthgash34]

@nrnowlinma I've had this with my dog so much. He's curious so he'll sniff people if they get close and we're not moving quickly but he hates being touched by strangers. It took a few weeks for him to even be comfortable with me petting him (he's a street rescue who had a rough start).
I got so sick of people trying it and him being skittish afterwards I ended up getting him a "do not pet" patch for his harness. We do get some looks from people who assume it means he's dangerous but I'm willing to put up with that for his comfort. If you're not gonna put in the work to earn his trust, sorry no touchy!

 

[prayncrochet]

@ruthgash34 Mine has a bandana that says "do not pet" and a store clerk (pets allowed in the store) said worridly "just pick him up if you see a child approach"
It bothered me but instead of becoming insulted I used it as a teaching moment and now all the clerks there want to give him a treat, because they know it helps him socialize, not because he's a danger.

This don't pet = fierce dog common mental frame is so tiresome. Like hey I don't want a stranger to touch ME, so why would a dog be a potentially any different.

I tried getting the bandana that says don't look at me (because that's the actual trigger) but it was too big for his tiny frame and was illegible, had to send it back. Those ears are such an eye magnet.

 

[charley52]

@nrnowlinma Ohhh.. we've got 4 dogs and someone will always have an opinion on one or other of them.. how they look.. how they should be trained.. how much exercise one or other needs or doesnt need.. the list is endless! We have a Springador (mum was a black lab and dad was a liver and white springer.. we saw both and her litter were a mix of straight spaniel or straight lab looking pups) and we regularly have people argue with us being adamant she's a collie You can't argue with stupid! Aslong as you and your pups are healthy and happy and causing no harm or hurt to anybody then you're doing a great job!

 

[nrnowlinma]

@charley52 They are argueing what your dog is from breed while you know exactly what she is?
I'm sometimes wondering what the hell is wrong with people.
Argueing on how a dog looks.

Never heard of a Springador btw

 

[charley52]

@nrnowlinma Haha, yeah it's honestly infuriating! They're super smart, energetic, loving dogs

 

[nrnowlinma]

@charley52 Ooo yeah ok now I have an imagine of them.
Are they first intentionally bred for duck hunting?
Now that I see the breeds and know springers are hunting dogs, labradors can swim well....
Just a logic thinking here.

They really look lovely. Do they have more the springer character or labrador. (I am gonna admit. I am not a big fan of labradors but thats because of a trauma)

 

[charley52]

@nrnowlinma Honestly I think it just depends on the pup! Some would lean more towards the springer side of things while some would have more labrador characteristics! They would make great working dogs! Ours was an accidental litter to a lady that lives close to us. Her brother brought his springer to stay and he managed to escape to her labrador! We have 4 dogs and she's the most well rounded of them all! Absolutely LOVES swimming, chasing and balls! But she's super friendly..loves dogs..loves people .. would happily be glued to our hip all day every day getting cuddles and checking out what we're up to!

 

[nrnowlinma]

@charley52 O... yeah... that is why I will be buying a male coverer for my male pup :') and a body for my females.
No accidents here

But atleast that accident gave you a great dog at the sound of it sounds like the working need and want from the springer and the sweet cuddly behaviour of a labrador.
Always fun to have easy dogs that just love being around you.

 

[prayncrochet]

@nrnowlinma I had a dingo once and it was such a confidence blow when it everyone thought they could have a say. It was demoralizing for me and confusing to the dog.

Turns out none of those people are in my life now and no one has tried to tell me how to raise my Chiweenie so I'm grateful to be in what I perceive as the right place; emotionally and physically.

Be stronger than they are: for you dog. You have to stand your ground. Its not for you, you're not out to make friends. It's what's in the best interests of your dog. Turn and walk away.

Deep breathes & Good luck

 

[nrnowlinma]

@prayncrochet Thank you

I do that indeed. I have told people straight off not to expect my dog to listen to them or to come when they call.
They don't know you, they don't have to listen is what I say.
My youngest doesn't even listen to my bf if I call at the same time. And he doesn't trust my mother for one bit, which I think is the smartest move he has ever made.
Stranger danger :')

It is indeed emotionally better to not have such people in your life.

 

[jpeltier17]

@nrnowlinma I completely understand! I have a mobility service dog. The number of people that tell me that my dog should sit when we come to a stop, or when he greets people is unnerving!

Hello, if he sits, I fall! Could you not! And FFS do not ask him to sit yourself, you dumba$$!...

Okay! End rant...

So yeah... I feel ya OP... so hard!

 

[nrnowlinma]

@jpeltier17 Omg,
The service dog thing is what made me collapse in my vent here.

I had received a message from a "friend" who trains emotional support dogs (also shelties).
She reacted to a video of mine that I had posted where N was running for the first time on his own back and forth between a treat dispenser and the touch target. It is training for agility.
And yes, he gets a treat for running back and forth. He is supposed to have fun and get a reward with it.
She told me I should be giving treats because service dogs don't get trained either by treats. Giving treats gets the wrong behaviour out of dogs.

Meanwhile here as well, your dog is doing his job and people are going to tell him that he has to go sit down? Like really?

When I see a service dog, I always admire them.... from a distance. The dog is working. Leave them the hell alone.
Ugh´... people just... so.... dumb....