Vent on rehoming

[johndoe590]

I am sensitive so I could be overly upset but just want to vent about this. No shame to anyone that has to return a puppy for personal reasons.

My neighbor (in his 50s, no kids or partner) had a dog named “B”. Not his real name but will use for this post. B came from a shelter and he was around 1-1.5 years old. He was high energy and loved to play with my puppy. His owner was always praising B’s progress with training so I had no idea there were any issues. I’d guess that my neighbor has had B for 6 months AT THE LEAST, he had him quite some time before I brought my puppy home.

Yesterday I’m out with my puppy and see neighbor with a new dog. I think this is his second dog and maybe a friend for B. He excitedly introduces me to his new dog and then calmly and matter of fact states he returned B to the shelter for being too nippy and brought this one home instead.

I’m under the impression puppies are nippy, mine sure as hell is, and a dog from a shelter might have some behavioral issues they need extra help with. So to me this doesn’t seem a fair reason but OK.

I go out again in the evening and my puppy is playing with another dog when neighbor comes out and says to the other dog owner I’m with, “Meet new B!!”. He named the dog the same name as the one he returned. He seems emotionless about it. Like he was returning a broken vacuum or something. I want to cry and secretly wish I could bring B home. My opinion on this neighbor has greatly changed and I feel guilty for the mean thoughts I’m thinking but feel even worse for B. 6 months is a long time to give a dog a home and then take it away.

 

[christianboy123]

@johndoe590 IDK, I am torn about this issue. Like, I knew someone who was supposed to foster (it was really a try this out and then adopt kinda situation) a (fairly high strung) Husky/Something else mix puppy. The puppy was intense as puppies go. Like, I was trying to baby sit her for an evening and that was kinda overwhelming. Then, I find out that on day three, the puppy has been returned to the shelter.

It really felt very cold to me as if the puppy had been abandoned.But the same person got an older dog a few months later and AFAIK things have been fine for them. As someone else said, it is easy for me (or you) to judge but then again if the dog doesn't fit their lifestyle, they are both going to be miserable.

 

[jwyattharp]

@christianboy123 That’s why test periods are important and should be done without judgment. If it’s not a fit, you can return the dog without much damage. But months afterwards I think it’s just a point that the problem is with the person and not necessarily the dog. After a few weeks you can understand the dog better and see how they will fare in your family and if you will have time to care for them, after a few months you basically already made a commitment and should try at the very least a few things before even thinking of returning the dog

 

[atheistinheaven]

@jwyattharp Yeah but there's a difference between being horribly incompatible with your family/lifestyle and casually being like, "He was too nippy, here's B 2.0!"

 

[aybuqui]

@atheistinheaven I don't think we have enough info to determine if this was a 'kind of nippy' issue or a 'we've made only a tiny amount of progress in 6 months and I didn't want to admit things were going poorly but this isn't something I can continue to handle from a full grown dog' issue. Lots of people delay returning a dog because it's so vilified but ultimately the dog's issues are more than they're really capable of handling, it doesn't mean they can't handle a dog at all just that that particular dog (or type of issue) is a bad fit.

 

[channtheman]

@aybuqui Plus shelters will always remind you of the 3 month rule and it can take a while to feel like you’ve exhausted reasonable options of behaviorist, medical eval, etc! I actually think 6 months of time and effort is decent of the family if there was a biting issue because it means they probably tried to figure out triggers and give it a shot. We’ll never know of course but still. It’s tough to imagine naming the next dog after the previous one though, but I’m viewing that as a separate issue.

 

[jwyattharp]

@atheistinheaven Yeah, but what I mean is that, either way, both things can be identified in the first few weeks.

 

[antonhrrs]

@christianboy123 I don’t fault someone who is in a foster, or a trying it out situation, it’s not as committed as adopting and returning or rehoming. Some dogs are too high energy or not a good fit for an inexperienced owner. I unfortunately know a woman who is really awful all around. She returns literally everything she buys, cars, houses everything! She backs out of every contract she’s ever made. Anyway, she has done this with several dogs. If it was a one time thing maybe I’d understand, but when you do this on a regular basis it’s disgusting. These aren’t blouses she doesn’t want suddenly. I’ve had to shut her out if my life for these and other reasons. She doesn’t use shelters, but breeders. One gave her a hard time about being so frivolous, she reported them (after trashing them on FB) as being a puppy mill. It wasn’t true, but damage was done.

 

[vega1]

@johndoe590 It’s so hard to tell what was going on there. Puppies are nippy, but, a 1.5 year old dog really shouldn’t be nippy. (In general, exceptions exist) It could be a sign of more serious issues. I’d commend any person for taking in a rescue, but should recognize behavior problems are common and need to be worked on, if he had the dog for six months and wasn’t making headway to the point where he felt it was a danger…I can understand the idea of rehoming….rushing out to get another dog immediately thereafter is questionable, but, from your post I am slightly inclined the give the owner the benefit of the doubt….but he’s on thin ice in my book

 

[jewels261]

@vega1 I kind of agree. “Nippy” could be anything from puppyish excitement to the neighbour playing down a more serious behaviour issue that meant rehoming was best.

 

[cd1]

@vega1 If he was able to immediately bring home another dog then it makes me think it was a documented issue that the shelter was aware of as being ongoing. Granted not every shelter is great and will give a dog to anyone but most seem to be pretty strict about not giving someone a different dog if the first doesn't "work out."

 

[rewind2grace]

@vega1 Yeah, the most troubling part here isn't getting a new dog -- some dogs have behavioral issues that just aren't reasonably going to be resolved* -- but the fact that he gave the same name to the new dog, as though dogs are fungible assets.

*We had a pit bull from a shelter, once upon a time, and he made multiple attempts to bite people. We knew we couldn't keep him at this point, and when we contacted a pit bull rescue and told them about his pattern of behavior and the training we'd done, they said it was unlikely he could be rehabilitated, and we ultimately had to put him down. He was a really lovely dog, and it was really sad to lose him, but it's also given me a lot of empathy for people who struggle with major behavioral issues.

 

[jamesapado]

@johndoe590 Try to give this person the benefit of the doubt and assume the best intentions? It's unlikely they would iterate to you all of the dogs problems in an exact and precise way, nor do you know what the dog is actually like in their house. 1 year old dogs from the shelter "that are too nippy" can easily mean the dog is a nightmare to live with, even after training them for 6 months. Very possible the dog was under socialized or lacked bite inhibition, who knows, could be a million different reasons. That first year of a dogs life is just so influential on how it behaves for the rest of its life, some dogs get so far behind training away bad behaviors is intractable and the only feasible solution is management, which can be extremely hard to do with a dog that lives in your house.

Idk, I'd like to think I don't judge my neighbors on principle, but I definitely still do even though I believe it's wrong. Still, you never know what goes on behind closed doors and it's not your place to pry and find out. Life is just easier if you're not making judgements with incomplete information, and at least from what you know: shelter dog, adopted at around one year, went through months of training, it's likely the owner put a massive amount of work into a dog that was just not set up for success for reasons beyond his control. Giving a dog back is a very hard decision, and the fact that he got another dog says his intentions are good.

 

[johndoe590]

@jamesapado I think what makes it more bothersome is that he just took him back and exchanged him for a new dog and acted really casually about it. This was in the span of one day. I’m sensitive to people’s demeanor and it came across really cruel based on the information I have.

Again, I don’t know the full story which is why I did say that I feel guilty judging him. But I’m judging him based on his behavior and what he told me.

I agree the dog could have issues I have no idea about. I’d say my puppy and his dog had played on average 3-5 times a week and I had never heard my neighbor say anything negative or witnessed the dog do anything so I guess the whole ordeal was maybe a bit shocking.

Just hope the dog is happier and better placed I guess

 

[inquiringmama]

@johndoe590 It would raise flags for me too but remember people don’t show you their vulnerabilities in public. He might be really cut up about it and putting on a brave face. He might be really ashamed and trying to be chipper. You just don’t know. Fingers crossed this is not a repeat occurrence though.

 

[johndoe590]

@inquiringmama You are right!! Thank you. Hopefully he is doing ok and hopefully new dog is a better fit for him

 

[nativenh1]

@johndoe590 I also think it’s unlikely that the shelter would turn around and adopt out a dog to a family that surrendered one the same day without the surrender having a serious issue.

 

[songsmith]

@johndoe590 I'd be very upset about this too.

t's possible there's more to the story, but if he were an empathic person, he'd understand that other people who knew B would be concerned about him. He might own the dog legally, but other people care about its well being.

Maybe he doesn't like to share his personal business, but anyone with compassion would know his actions looked/sounded cruel to the dog, and would want to reassure people who knew that dog that his actions were out of necessity, not cruelty. It's not at all surprising that you are upset at what looks like, on the surface, someone being cruel to their dog. Hopefully it wasn't cruelty and he didn't really discard a pet for minor reasons, but its very strange that he doesn't think other people who knew and cared about that dog deserved to at least know that he didn't do such a thing lightly.

 

[jamesapado]

@johndoe590 What’s the right way to handle the loss of a dog? I don’t know. Just like when someone dies, people respond in vastly different ways, there is no “right” response to process those emotions.

I’d just like to reiterate how different a puppy that you get to control it’s development, versus a rescue or shelter that’s already gone through development and established behaviors in an environment that at the very least was not stable enough to care for a dog. A lot of one year old dogs are surrendered for behavioral reasons: people get a puppy, mess it up, then basically dump it after they are in over their heads and can’t get out. There is a reason dogs are surrendered, usually, and well behaved, easy dogs often stay out of the shelter and rescue system.

As a kid I had a rescue, 2 years old, and it was just beyond our ability to manage its problems, and once it came out of its shell at 9 months it just started biting people in a few situations… My puppy now has behaviors I’d like to fix, but they are tiny things like he throws a temper tantrum when we go down a street he doesn’t like, or he jumps when greeting, but he loves people and dogs because he’s well socialized and well bred. The difference in owning my puppy versus the rescue is really night and day, and with rescues you don’t know if it’s going to work out, and that’s an okay outcome.

 

[tillerman5320]

@johndoe590 At a year to a year and a half, being “nippy” can be dangerous. And per your post, the dog was being trained. It isn’t your place to judge this man for how he copes, or what he decides is best for his lifestyle. Not everyone is equipped to handle serious issues, you don’t know the full extent of what is going on in the house or outside of the dog playing with yours.

Dogs need 2-3 weeks to settle into a new home, and another 3 to fully acclimate. The man stuck it out for six months, trying to make it work clearly, and it didn’t. The owner determined his home was not the right fit and made the call to give the dog (which he likely had a signed contract stating the dog was to be returned to them in the event he couldn’t keep it) the best chance for success in finding a home better equipped to handle the obvious issues.

It is not bad or wrong to put the dog’s needs first. And sometimes that means rehoming. The shelter determined he was a suitable adopter, with most shelters being absolute jerks especially when someone drops a dog off or returns it. So clearly there was a reason they allowed him to adopt a different dog. Being high energy when a dog goes out doesn’t mean the dog is high energy 24/7.

Outside, my dog is balls to the wall insane. Inside, he knows to be calm. So what you see of the dog is NOT an accurate representation of its temperament nor its behavior.