Raising a puppy by myself

[dday]

@melouise First of all, this is totally normal and most of us have been through the same thing with our pups! It is VERY overwhelming and can feel impossible at first. I’m raising my puppy by myself, too. I did so much research ahead of time but nothing could’ve prepared me for the reality of how hard it can be. He’s 5 months old now, and things are SO much easier than when he came home at 10 weeks.

I’m sorry this comment is about to be so long but I was in your position a few months ago and wish I’d had this advice!

-Know that the first 2-3 weeks are the absolute hardest. Things just get easier and easier from there. But DAMN those first few weeks were hard. Your whole life gets turned upside down! There’s so much change! For your puppy, too! He’s still getting used to everything. Highly recommend the article “Kidnapped From Planet Dog” by Kathy Callahan.

-Hire a sitter if you are able to. I have a rotation of friends/family that I’ll pay $20 to watch my puppy while I run errands. Everyone loves playing with a sweet puppy in small doses, so they’re all happy to do it. Leaving my puppy alone for longer than he was comfortable with made his “separation anxiety” worse, so it’s been essential for me to have sitters I can turn to. Before I started hiring sitters I was literally a prisoner in my own home.

-I really recommend treating it as separation anxiety (even tho it’s not- it’s totally normal for a puppy to be scared of being alone at that age). With human phobias, we do exposure therapy that involves very gradual exposure to the scary thing. You wouldn’t want to move too quickly and risk traumatizing the person with the phobia- it would set their progress back. Separation anxiety should be treated the same way- very gradual exposure to being left alone, and only in increments that your dog feels comfortable with. That’s why having a sitter is so important! I highly recommend reading up on Julie Naismith’s methods of separation anxiety training, they’re SO effective.

You got this!!! I promise this time goes quickly and things will get easier sooner than you think!

 

[amarie07]

@melouise Mine was constantly with someone until she was about 12 weeks, then we started gradually leaving her on her own. I read somewhere in this sub that they’re basically hardwired to think that if they’re left alone before then that they’re in danger since they’re baby pack animals.

Now at 7 months, she’s good for six hours on her own. Start doing short desensitization in the crate and gradually build up to a few minutes (then hours). Also a filled frozen kong can buy you 15-20 mins if they’re food motivated, and the licking is calming for them.

 

[petergntm]

@melouise First couple weeks are the hardest.

From tips here and in my experience, the critical things…. Crate with a blanket on top - puppy sleeps and naps here. Puppy goes into the crate when you are working or not at home.
(I spent two weeks sleeping on the floor next to my pups crate. It was awful, but I never had a crying problem after.)

Strict schedule with enforced naps.
Up, potty, eat/drink, potty, play, potty, nap. I did awake and out of crate for one hour, then two hour naps. Set an alarm for overnights to let pup out, until she could make it all night (around four months for me).

Keep to this schedule on weekends and holidays.

Want to cook, eat, workout, run errands, etc… do it during those two hour naps. When puppy becomes an a-hole, you only have it make it an hour!

I’d also keep puppy on a leash 24-7 when out of the crate. Where you go, puppy goes. And download Puppy Potty Log! It’s free. Add whenever puppy eats, drinks, pees, poops and has an accident. It’ll start notifying you that puppy will have to go soon.

 

[melouise]

@petergntm Which puppy potty log app did you use

 

[petergntm]

@melouise It’s Puppy Potty Log. Should be free. The icon is a yellow fire hydrant on a green hill against a blue sky.

I got it as a recommendation from someone here, and it was awesome. I swore I kept a great schedule and watched my puppy like a hawk, but the app literally ended the accidents. Had two friends get puppies a few months later, and they also found it super helpful.

 

[montanajeepgirl]

@petergntm I also recommend this! Puppy Potty Log helped get a sense of her schedule.

 

[theonemelly]

@melouise The way I’ve always gotten pups to be ok alone is to work up to it and take baby straps. Each pup is different and you’ll have to figure out how fast he can manage but it starts very small.

First of all is he ok in his crate when you’re home?

If not then get the basics of crate training done. I can explain more if you need me to but there’s 1000s of articles explaining this (I can explain though just let me know).

So let’s assume he’s now comfortable in his crate when you’re home.

Start doing this 10-15 times a day, more if you can manage. Put him in his crate.

Step 1
“Get ready” to go out. Grab your keys etc. act like you’re leaving. If he reacts to that then just keep doing your thing getting ready. When he’s quiet, put your stuff away and let him out and reward him with love and treats. If he doesn’t react at all then he’s already ready for step 2. For all these steps 100% you need to make sure you’re ONLY rewarding quiet. At the start it may only be 1-2 seconds of quiet but as soon as you get that immediately put on your happy voice and say “yes! Such a good boy” or similar and then go on to the reward. It helps if you use your same word or clicker you use for other training so he knows the reward is coming. If you don’t understand this let me know I can explain a bit better about that if needed.

Step 2

Once he’s mastered seeing you get ready to leave, it’s time to actually leave. Start small. Leave for 15 seconds. If he’s quiet, come back in and again “yes! Good boy” and proceed to reward. If he immediately cries then again wait for the 1-2 seconds of quiet. Start working up the time you leave him. He will learn that when he’s quiet daddy comes home. Move up to 30 seconds, 1 min, 2 mins etc as soon as he masters the previous time. You can decrease from 10-15 times as he starts to get higher wait times.

Step 3

Start shorter outings. Go shopping, go to appointments etc. when you get home if he’s crying wait for the 1-2 seconds of quiet and then again “yes! Good boy”. If he’s already quiet then just come in and “yes! And good boy!”

Step 4

He should be ready now to be left for longer periods. Just keep in mind that if you’re not giving him a bathroom area while you’re gone he can only hold his bladder so long. On average it’s about an hour for each month of age. So to set him up for success of not being upset when you get home, try and plan your outings accordingly or have and area with pee pads set up for him.

You can also consider getting a camera that you can talk to him, some even dispense treats. When you leave, play soothing music or leave the tv on.

It takes time but the more you practice daily the faster he will master it. 10-15 times a day sounds like a lot but each time it’s only taking a few minutes.

It’s not easy having a puppy but you’ll get it with patience! I’m currently working with my 16 week pup on my own so I get how hard it can be!

 

[melouise]

@theonemelly My friend told me he fed his pups in the crate and any naps/ night they sleep in a separate room and let’s cry until they quieted down. He would treat them once they would quiet. I’m thinking of trying that

 

[montanajeepgirl]

@melouise I'm also raising a puppy alone and also work from home. I started to leave mine alone right from the beginning (she was 10 weeks; I left her for max 1-2h). At first (and I still do that now at 6 months) I used to leave her in the kitchen right after her morning walk and pee, so she would sleep and get used to not seeing me. I would check on her periodically. I think the trick is to leave them in another room right when they're tired and ready to nap. Then they will wake up from their nap 1-2h later and you will be magically back! Mine would not cry for a long time, but I read somewhere that it tipically takes 10min for a dog to settle; longer than that, I would check on her. So I guess I was lucky that she wouldn't really bark or scream while alone (just lightly cry and never for too long). Nowadays, she gets her morning walk at 7h30, sleeps from 9 to 12h (in another room, separate from me), has another walk, and then lounges around while I work during the afternoon. I still haven't nailed down the afternoon routine (where I typically leave the house) but usually I walk her before I go out, so she will be tired and want to nap.

 

[markfred]

@melouise I have a camera aimed at my puppy's crate. When I leave her with a toy, she will stay wound up while I'm gone. If I leave her in an empty crate with a crate cover, she falls asleep quickly. I also make sure she has whatever walk, play, food, water, potty break she may need so she can get comfy and fall asleep. I hope that works for your little guy too!

You may need crate training, crate cover, white noise, and/or a comfy bed to help too

 

[mack3]

@melouise Hey, I'm a single male raising a golden retriever puppy too. I got mine at 9 weeks and she's now approaching 12 weeks.

If you can afford it I highly, highly recommend paying for a housesitter to come care for your puppy when you have to be away. If you're in a major city, you can find people on the Rover app, it's what I've been using. Once you find a sitter you like after a couple of sessions, ask them if you can just do the transactions privately, off Rover (Rover takes 20% of the fee, so it's in both of your interest to do this). Doing this, I've managed to find a couple of sitters who are able to be flexible - sometimes I'll ask them to come in for 4 hours, and other times for 8.

Second, Get Instacart or something for grocery delivery. They have free trials for Instacart+. Yes these are added expenses on top of the puppy expenses you budgeted for but I think it's worth it. It will leave you with more time and energy, and will cause less stress for your puppy who isn't ready to be left alone for long periods just yet - it needs to be built up to slowly

 

[richardsj015]

@melouise Speaking as a fellow solo dog owner, I’d say just leave him! I didn’t leave mine and now he’s so anxiously attached it’s ridiculous. He’s a baby - they’re meant to cry. Don’t listen to people online that tell you they’re never supposed to get upset. As much as they are a part of your family, it’s not meant to be an equal relationship. I was way too soft (literally couldn’t bear to hear him cry) and now I’ve got a 10 month old puppy who still cries while I’m in the shower. I haven’t been to a gym since I got him (I used to go 4-5 times a week). I love him and we’re working on it but I listened to people who promote soft parenting for dogs and I regret it massively.

 

[melouise]

@richardsj015 Thanks for the advice. I want to be able to go the gym like I used and go the store and such. I want to be in control and not him. I’m learning it takes time

 

[richardsj015]

@melouise I hear you! I really struggled in the early days. Had a really bad case of the puppy blues. Nothing can prepare you for the total overnight lack of freedom.

You’ll be fine though. My last piece of advice, which likely contradicts what I said earlier, would just be to trust your gut. You’ll learn to know your dog better than anybody else. Just do what you’re comfortable with and what is going to be best for them too. Good luck!

 

[chootas]

@melouise If he's not a total destroyer, you may be able to put a water bottle full of warm or almost hot water in the kennel with him. Wrap it in a shirt or blanket that is familiar to him. That always helped mine quiet down in his kennel.

 

[iowa52241]

@melouise Dude I'm getting a GR as a single male going INTO work.

My plan is the to take the first week off and teach independence as much as possible. 2nd week try to do hybrid in office and a few hours WFH each day. 3rd week have dog walkers/sitters on hand and work in office but come home for lunch. 4th week, work fully in the office and come home during lunch.

We will see how this goes. My breeder said it's doable I just need to spend every moment with the pup when I am available.

 

[chels1223]

@melouise You've got this! I got through it, my boy is 15 months old now and he's phenomenal. The space is good to ensure he doesn't get separation anxiety! I made sure I left him alone for 20-45 mins each day at least, either while I was in my bedroom reading or having a nap, or going out to get a coffee. By the 12th week I was leaving him for 2-4 hours at a time and would do admin work from cafes, or go to the bar with friends for a couple of drinks in the evening.

They DO get used to it, I promise. I know the howling and barking and whining is a lot, but stick to it and they'll realize you return eventually, so one day you'll come back to them and they'll be asleep and you'll be laughing back on these rough times.

I can now leave my boy for up to 7 (and accidentally twice 8.5 hours) hours and he just sleeps and plays with his toys.

He used to be totally confined to crate when I left, and he now has full range of the house when I leave which I NEVER thought we'd get to.

 

[bppartner]

@melouise He is 9 weeks. This is expected. As he gets older it will get better.

Do you do forced naps? Meaning do you crate him at a certain time each day with a chew and say good night for an hour and walk away. You have to do it to prepare him later in life. Leave the door open all the time for him to wander into and just play in there.

I can now leave my puppy for 5 hours he is 8 months. But for right now he is your life. Have friends over and do walks with them. A good rule of thumb is months of age is how long you leave them in the carte. Also doing this on a regular basis helps with potty training because they learn how to hold their pee longer.

 

[jhark123]

@melouise first just remember you are doing great! having a puppy is a huge transition and 9 weeks old is still super young. that being said, it’s not impossible to still have a life outside of being home! I think just starting small can help such as keeping him in the pen or crate for shorter amounts of time to get him used to it even perhaps while you’re home or even going in the pen and sitting and playing with him a bit inside of it while you’re home just so he doesn’t only have sad memories of being in there when you leave. also I’ve made it a habit to leave my dogs with a bone whenever I leave just to give them something to chew on and distract them. with my 8 week old puppies the first two weeks of leaving them at home when I had to go to work was so difficult but they adjusted and now sleep like a baby most of the time I’m gone! I leave them up to 6 or 7 hours some days depending on when I’m able to get home from work and they’re going great, as much as people like to say it’s wrong to leave young puppies that many hours. Not everyone works from home or has that option. It’s so rewarding once you notice all the steps you take working out for the best and seeing them become more independent and able to relax even when you’re not there. just hang in there and don’t give up on him! puppies can be a lot of work but once they’re grown up, dogs are some of the best and easiest companions to have and it’s so special that you’ll have known him since he was just a baby.

 

[melouise]

@jhark123 Thanks really appreciate the advice