Need some emotional support. It’s the morning after behavioral euthanizing my sweet Athena

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fightingbull542

New member
I’m currently bawling my eyes out in bed and in so much pain. It’s the morning after putting Athena down and she isn’t here to beg me for breakfast or run to me when i’m in the bathroom…I don’t see her wagging tail when I get her harness…

I am in so much pain, it hurts too much.

Don’t know if I have the energy to explain the whole situation….but I made the final decision to put her down because she was showing fearful aggressive behavior toward family members in the house. She would charge at nip at adults walking in the room.

Training, Trazadone, fluoxetine didn’t fix the issue. Poor Athena had a pretty hard start to her life before I got her from a rescue and she had a lot of fear reactivity.

I guess I’m writing this in search of emotional support. I feel like such a piece of shit for having to have made this decision and take her away. She deserved so much more.

I may update with more details later but I’m having trouble keeping my train of thought.

I love you so much Athena and I miss you so unbearably much. I’m so so sorry I failed you and couldn’t give you the life you deserved. I hope you know how much I love you and that you were my world….I hope you know that I saw how special you are and how beautiful your soul is…and that I know none of it was your fault and that you didn’t deserve the bad things that happened to you. I hope I helped you have some truly happy and peaceful memories. I love you my sweet little bear.
 
@fightingbull542 You didn't fail her. Imagine being so mentally ill that, in your irrational terror, you attacked your family members every time they entered the room. This was poor Athena's lot in life, and you freed her from an existence of constant terror.

I'm so sorry you had to make this choice. It's so gruesomely painful. My family made the same choice about our St Bernard. Through no fault of her own, she was just wired wrong and couldn't live peaceably in this world.

This piece brought me great comfort, please read it. Don't neglect the comments where thousands of others have shared their stories in the years since its publication.

https://www.vin.com/vetzinsight/default.aspx?pid=756&catId=5861&Id=5912453

I hope it brings you some measure of peace. Sending you love
 
@encinoman Thank you very much for this..and I am sorry your family had a similar experience with your St.Bernard. The example in the article with “Dodger” definitely makes sense that the owner chose BE. I feel bad because Athena’s case didn’t seem as severe and clear cut. Yes she nipped and charged…however those bites were very low on the bite scale….however I also have to remind myself that I wanted to prevent any possible worse situation from happening. Thank you for sharing the link and your kind words.
 
@fightingbull542 I admire your courage and integrity. Our Saint, Rosie, never nipped or charged family but hated strangers. We figured we could manage her. We were wrong. She launched herself through plate glass to get to the mailman, inflicting major damage before she could be restrained. That poor man didn't deserve life-changing injuries because of our choices, which in retrospect seem selfish and naive. Our only regret is that we didn't do it sooner, before a stranger had to suffer.

You didn't make the same mistake. You were selfless enough to choose the safety of your family & community over your own feelings. At great cost to yourself, you did the right thing by everyone else involved, including Athena. She was suffering too. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

You will and must grieve her, and what a painful journey that is. I hope that as your grief eventually ebbs, it is replaced with peace❤️
 
@encinoman Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. I think others might find comfort in making the tough choice thinking through your experience.
 
@encinoman I am so sorry you had this situation happen..that truly is terrible. Sharing your story does help comfort me with my decision…so I am deeply appreciative of you. Thank you so much
 
@fightingbull542 I read somewhere that dogs have no concept of the length of time. What your girl knew was that for your time together she was safe and loved.

You did your best. And she knew it and loved you for it.
Hugs from an internet stranger.

Edit - @johnscurry made the origional comment. I found it so powerful. Credit where credit is due
 
@natalijaasbj Thank you so much for this….I hope this is true because that really helps me feel a lot better. I hope my short time with her took precedence over her tough puppyhood and the abuse she unfortunately faced. Thank you kind friend
 
@fightingbull542 It is absolutely true. A dog wakes up and is grateful for today. They have no concept of a tomorrow. You gave her many happy todays, which is the greatest gift we can give our companions. This grief will never leave you. But it will fade, and in time you can make peace with your decision. I hope, in time, you can heal as well. Sending hugs.
 
@johnscurry I am literally crying while reading what you so beautifully wrote. Thank you for this..it is my hope that my short time with Athena outweighed all the fear and abuse she endured early in her life
 
@johnscurry When I followed the link I saw that I’d upvoted it when you originally wrote it. So many good points about the differences between the way humans and dogs think and perceive things.
 
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