End of the road
- Thread starter ivyt85
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- reactive dogs support
@tomarnold Thank you for having my back! 
@ivyt85 100%- You sound like a nice person who sincerely tried your best. Some dogs- whether bad genetics, bad husbandry or both, never have achieved an appropriate response to frustration, and will almost always express their opinions through biting, and biting HARD. You see this often with puppy mill dogs (bad genes) or inept backyard breeders who remove puppies too early for one example, or even puppies whose other littermates have died. It’s incredibly difficult, and dangerous, to try and tackle these issues unless you are a professional trainer, and even then it’s management at this point. Despite what the finger waggers on here insist, it’s VERY hard to manage this kind of shit. It takes muzzles, and constant vigilance, which frankly, IMO is more for the person’s ego than it helps the dog. Dogs living in constant battle mode are NOT good household companions. Dogs are supposed to enhance our lives and vice versa. The “SAVE THEM AT ANY COST!!!” people seem to have misplaced that concept.
foldingaces
New member
@ivyt85 I have a nearly 7 year old reactive cross with separation anxiety, who I've had since she was a puppy. Her reactivity is in her genes (her dad was reactive) and I was young and naive when I got her.
We have had trainers in, and it's always 2 steps forward and 3 steps back (mainly due to other people triggering her), so we have ended up just adapting our lives around her. I changed jobs and now work from home, and we bought our first house with specifications that would make life easier for her. We don't go out together unless a close relative can come and stay with her, which is rare, and we walk her really late at night and book dog fields for her.
I'm saying this to let you know that I FULLY understand. My dog is amazing 95% of the time, but that 5% can run your life. The fact that I have been able to make these changes for her is sheer luck, and if I couldn't, I might be in the same situation as you.
We thought about rehoming her when she was younger, but we knew nobody would take her, and the upheaval of her life would make things worse, so we just powered through.
Again, we are so lucky that we can change our lives to suit her, but it is a huge thing to do and not everybody can.
You know your dog and your situation, and you know what is right for him. I fully support your decision, and I know a lot of these comments are judgemental, but unless they have been through it, and/or are willing to take him personally, they are just making noise.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but it sounds like you've done everything you can for him, so try not to take those comments to heart.
We have had trainers in, and it's always 2 steps forward and 3 steps back (mainly due to other people triggering her), so we have ended up just adapting our lives around her. I changed jobs and now work from home, and we bought our first house with specifications that would make life easier for her. We don't go out together unless a close relative can come and stay with her, which is rare, and we walk her really late at night and book dog fields for her.
I'm saying this to let you know that I FULLY understand. My dog is amazing 95% of the time, but that 5% can run your life. The fact that I have been able to make these changes for her is sheer luck, and if I couldn't, I might be in the same situation as you.
We thought about rehoming her when she was younger, but we knew nobody would take her, and the upheaval of her life would make things worse, so we just powered through.
Again, we are so lucky that we can change our lives to suit her, but it is a huge thing to do and not everybody can.
You know your dog and your situation, and you know what is right for him. I fully support your decision, and I know a lot of these comments are judgemental, but unless they have been through it, and/or are willing to take him personally, they are just making noise.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but it sounds like you've done everything you can for him, so try not to take those comments to heart.
agnieszka1988
New member
@ivyt85 You are doing the right thing, friend. I’ve done this before. It was the hardest decision I’ve had to make bar none. He is not in peace. You are giving him peace. Do not forget this.
You can still give him care and joy and then do a BE. It’s all for him. Do not forget this. He is not right inside. You can care for him and provide for him and give him things he both needs and wants, and give him comfort. He is still a doggo, but, he’s different. Give him all the best and all the fun before the end.
I’m so sorry you’ve been saddled with this decision. It’s so hard. But you are doing the right thing. I can’t hug you over the internet, but if I could I would. Let yourself experience all the pain because it is real pain. It’s so hard to dedicate your life to a difficult dog and come up with nothing. But it is NOT your fault. You did everything in your power that you could do and you are doing the right thing. Remember him and dedicate your effort and emotions to the next dog that needs a person as dedicated as you. All dogs deserve dedicated people.
You can still give him care and joy and then do a BE. It’s all for him. Do not forget this. He is not right inside. You can care for him and provide for him and give him things he both needs and wants, and give him comfort. He is still a doggo, but, he’s different. Give him all the best and all the fun before the end.
I’m so sorry you’ve been saddled with this decision. It’s so hard. But you are doing the right thing. I can’t hug you over the internet, but if I could I would. Let yourself experience all the pain because it is real pain. It’s so hard to dedicate your life to a difficult dog and come up with nothing. But it is NOT your fault. You did everything in your power that you could do and you are doing the right thing. Remember him and dedicate your effort and emotions to the next dog that needs a person as dedicated as you. All dogs deserve dedicated people.
alexandthemachine
New member
@ivyt85 I think you are doing the right thing OP. Don't let the comments make you second guess yourself.
To back you up OP:
Rehoming is not a good idea - not unless you can find someone who is totally aware of all his issues and willing and able to work on them is a safe environment (extremely unlikely).
If the next owner is not as responsible as you, or just makes a little mistake (it happens) and that dog kills a child or whatever, that's hard stuff to have on your conscience.
And then there's the fact that the rehome itself could further exacerbate any issues (as with my dog).
Shelters will not take dogs that bite - ever wondered why dogs trust never put dogs down? They cherry pick which dogs they accept.
The few shelters that do accept reactives? Full.
How do I know all this? I worked with a behaviourist for nearly a year with my boy. She had her vererinary behaviourist mentor assess us at an RSPCA centre, which was where he got his second bite in (I kinda gave him a pass for that as he was under THEIR care at the time). I had searched and searched for someone to take my boy but this woke me up.
My behaviourist and I very sadly agree after the session that if I allowed my dog another bite it would mean that I was unable to control a dog I knew to be dangerous and would need to have him put down.
Muzzle and a long line would have damaged his quality of life, so giving him quality of life and keeping other people safe were incompatible.
I did the responsible thing and my boy died in my arms. Nothing will ever hurt him again and he will never hurt any one else.
People - OP is making the hardest decision of their life. It's not been made lightly.
Hugs OP
(sorry for the essay)
To back you up OP:
Rehoming is not a good idea - not unless you can find someone who is totally aware of all his issues and willing and able to work on them is a safe environment (extremely unlikely).
If the next owner is not as responsible as you, or just makes a little mistake (it happens) and that dog kills a child or whatever, that's hard stuff to have on your conscience.
And then there's the fact that the rehome itself could further exacerbate any issues (as with my dog).
Shelters will not take dogs that bite - ever wondered why dogs trust never put dogs down? They cherry pick which dogs they accept.
The few shelters that do accept reactives? Full.
How do I know all this? I worked with a behaviourist for nearly a year with my boy. She had her vererinary behaviourist mentor assess us at an RSPCA centre, which was where he got his second bite in (I kinda gave him a pass for that as he was under THEIR care at the time). I had searched and searched for someone to take my boy but this woke me up.
My behaviourist and I very sadly agree after the session that if I allowed my dog another bite it would mean that I was unable to control a dog I knew to be dangerous and would need to have him put down.
Muzzle and a long line would have damaged his quality of life, so giving him quality of life and keeping other people safe were incompatible.
I did the responsible thing and my boy died in my arms. Nothing will ever hurt him again and he will never hurt any one else.
People - OP is making the hardest decision of their life. It's not been made lightly.
Hugs OP
(sorry for the essay)
@alexandthemachine Please don’t apologise for the essay! Thank you for such a thoughtful and compassionate response. I’m so sorry you’ve been in this position too, it’s heartbreaking. I hope you’re healing okay
alexandthemachine
New member
@ivyt85 Thank you. It still hurts, but I'm healing. I read what I wrote, and what you wrote and my eyes leak a bit. But 4 (maybe 5) years later - I know I did the right thing - for him.
I still wear the nose strap from his bumas muzzle around my wrist. It's to remind me that Brody made me a better person, and to remind me to keep being better.
I asked the universe for a rerun, so all the things Brody taught wouldn't go to waste. Fraggle's a bit of a dick (I think he shares a blood line with Brodes), and sometimes I regret asking the universe for anything, but really, he's beautiful. If Brody taught me how to keep Fraggle safe then his life meant something.
If your dog taught you how to have more compassion, have more patience, be more thoughtful and caring, then that's a legacy. There will be knock on effects down the line from all you shared together. From all you learnt.
Hurts like hell now, it won't always. There are worse things than death. Look after yourself right now. Cut yourself slack. You are a good human trying to do the best for a good but broken doggy. You are only human.
I still wear the nose strap from his bumas muzzle around my wrist. It's to remind me that Brody made me a better person, and to remind me to keep being better.
I asked the universe for a rerun, so all the things Brody taught wouldn't go to waste. Fraggle's a bit of a dick (I think he shares a blood line with Brodes), and sometimes I regret asking the universe for anything, but really, he's beautiful. If Brody taught me how to keep Fraggle safe then his life meant something.
If your dog taught you how to have more compassion, have more patience, be more thoughtful and caring, then that's a legacy. There will be knock on effects down the line from all you shared together. From all you learnt.
Hurts like hell now, it won't always. There are worse things than death. Look after yourself right now. Cut yourself slack. You are a good human trying to do the best for a good but broken doggy. You are only human.
gregorythenontheologian
New member
@ivyt85 It sounds like you did everything right by him, and tried as absolutely hard as you could. I’m so sorry that it has come to this decision, as I’m sure it is unbelievably hard to make this choice even though you know it’s necessary. I hope you know it’s not your fault and you gave him the best shot you could 