End of the road

[ivyt85]

This may not read well, I’m pretty upset.

I’ve made the heartbreaking decision to go ahead with BE for my boy. I’ve tried my absolute hardest over the last year to do my best by him and others around us, and this final decision was made with that same aim.

He started displaying reactive behaviours at 5 or 6-months old. Resource guarding toys, rooms, me. He then bit for the first time, I think only a level 3 because he had those razor sharp puppy teeth still, but level 3 it was. Since then he’s bitten again and again despite my attempts to manage it and after finally speaking with a very sought after behaviourist I know it’s the end of the road for him. I cannot modify my life any further for him and whilst he’s great 98% of the time, that 2% is so unpredictable and dangerous that it’s time to make the call. I found out he’s not the only one from his litter like this, 50% have bite histories and 90% guard. Some battles cannot be won.

He’s not just a biter, or a guarder, though. He’s also an avid sniffer, a terrible catch participant and my Mr. Wiggly Bum. He’s a man of many nicknames who loves a belly rub more than anything and spends 50% of his day in a full sploot. He loves cheese and knows that ‘it’s time to get dressed!’ Means we’re going for our morning walk. He loves to chew on a whole broccoli in the garden and dig up all my plants, even the house plants. He knows how to whisper and even some Spanish. Raising him and training him has been the greatest joy of my life and also the biggest burden. I say this all to say that he’s more than his problem behaviours, and that’s what makes this so hard.

It’s also incredibly traumatic to have made a decision like this and still have to care for your pet. I’m still giving him his joint supplements and making sure he has his favourite toys, all whilst knowing I’m speaking to the vet about him on Monday. I feel like I’ve betrayed him, but I also know it’s not either of our faults. He had genetics against him and I did the best I could.

EDIT: making some clarifying points:
- He’s on meds
- The vet is aware of everything
- He’s been checked for medical drivers of this behaviour numerous times
- His first bite occurred when he was a puppy but was by no means a ‘puppy bite’ and I have a nice scar to remember it by
- I’ve tried rescues, they’re all full and will likely BE too, if it’s going to happen I’d rather he was with me than with strangers
- he’s had training all his life, it does state that but some commenters seem to have skipped it.
- he gets adequate exercise, mental and physical. He’s not just left in the garden all day as someone on here suggested. I do breed specific work with him too.
- I’ve modified my life as much as I can. I’ve tried my very best as I said in my last sentence. My best may not be enough for some of you but if that’s the case please just be kind. I’m a human and I have feelings. It’s amazing that anyone thinks a decision like this would be made lightly and quickly. I’m not a monster, this is my best friend. Of course I’ve considered all viable options. It’s actually insulting that some of you think I wouldn’t have.

EDIT 2: My behaviourist has found a suitable foster home for him so we can gather more information about why he’s behaving this way before I make the final call. She rang this morning and I’ve balled my eyes out with relief ever since. He’ll be on a farm with a single guy with no children visitors. He’ll be nearby so I’ll be able to visit once enough time has passed. BE may still be on the cards for him but this gives him a chance.

EDIT 3: To the person who reached out to Reddit care resources worried about me and what I may to do myself; thank you for caring but I assure you I am not thinking of hurting myself. This is incredibly painful but I am not a risk to myself. You’re a good person

 

[wyatt1525]

@ivyt85 I put down my sweet boy Copper yesterday and it is the hardest decision I've ever made.. but I know exactly how you feel. It's so hard because they're so much more than the bad behaviors.

For me, Copper was an incredible catcher. He loved tucking his tail for zoomies. He could shred squeaky balls in minutes. He would tuck his head under my chin for cuddles. He would take treats so gently. He loved the sprinkler. And he was an unpredictable and dangerous biter..

I'm so sorry you have to make this decision. I hope you find your peace and his.

 

[ivyt85]

@wyatt1525 I’m so sorry for you loss. Copper sounds like he was a beautiful boy. My boys mum was actually called Copper. Lovely name

 

[charitylove]

@ivyt85 This is an incredibly difficult and heartbreaking decision, and it sounds like you've thought through all your options.

I recently made the same decision, and it was so hard. But I also know it was the right thing to do. She wasn't happy, constantly stressed, and I couldn't take her places. She was a bite risk, and after 2 bites to myself and another family member requiring ER visits, the thought of her hurting someone else, a child, and being forced to put her down was worse. I got to give her the best few days filled with her favorite people and things, and she ultimately fell asleep on her bed, her head in my hand surrounded by family.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. My heart goes out to you. Give your guy the best few days filled with snacks, lots of snuggles and love, take pictures with his favorite people and things, and know that despite this being an impossible decision, sometimes doing the right thing can be the hardest.

 

[ivyt85]

@charitylove Thank you for your note. I’m so sorry you had to go through this too

 

[sbikeboy]

@ivyt85 I'm so sorry OP. & I apologize on behalf of these insensitive commenters who didn't read your post.

Puppies can absolutely display signs of aggression that are dangerous & unfixable & BE is recommended by professionals for those cases. Our dog was a biter as a puppy, it was miserable & challenging but the key factor was that he wasn't aggressive, he didnt resource guard. Honestly he was just an asshole & still is sometimes. If he had been aggressive I imagine we'd end up in the same position as you.

We did rehome a very sweet rescue once, he was an absolute angel to our immediate family & the first dog I opened my heart to after elderly pup passed. But he bit my uncle unprovoked one day & we were not in a position at the time where we could work with that. Luckily we found someone who had experience with dogs like him. Our last update was that she'd found the right home for him. But I wonder every day if he's ok, if he's bitten anyone else, if he's happy & alive.
All that to say I feel like you know your situation & what is the right decision for your pup. It's a very tough decision no matter what it is.

 

[ivyt85]

@sbikeboy Thank you for your kind and gentle words. It has been brutal reading some of the comments on here. Rehoming your rescue must have been so difficult, it’s natural to wonder how he is. I imagine he’s living a beautiful life

 

[malik58]

@sbikeboy Some dogs are simply aggressive from birth. Maybe there’s something chemical or physical in the brain.

My husband grew up with a dog that was insanely dangerous. They purchased the dog from a reputable breeder and brought him home at 8 weeks. Did everything “right”, and he was just reactive and aggressive from day one. He displayed aggressive and was quick to bite around food, toys, strangers, and almost all other animals. They had another dog from the same breeder that turned out wonderful.

The reactive dog was very aggressively biting in an attack-like manner from puppyhood. By a year old, he was so reactive and violent that they had to sedate and muzzle him to go to the vet. He was banned from all local boarding facilities. In his life, he bit everyone in the family several times. Many bites required stitches. He killed cats. He tore through furniture and walls. He attacked dogs. It was a horrible situation. No amount of medications and training helped.

 

[doreenpayne]

@malik58 That’s an aggressive dog.

 

[umaritech]

@ivyt85 Sometimes even when you do all the right things it can't be helped. It sounds like you have not made the decision lightly. Sometimes making responsible decisions is traumatic and hard. Thanks for doing what you have to do. That's not called failure. That's called doing the right thing. Big hugs too you.

 

[ivyt85]

@umaritech Thank you friend

 

[katharina800]

@ivyt85 I’m so sorry. I’m not in your situation but it resonates with me because like your dog, my dog is basically perfect like 95-99% of the time.

I know if things changed and I felt he were a danger to others I’d make the call I needed to but the devastation would be overwhelming, not just due to the time and effort put in but because outside of when he’s triggered he’s such an amazing dog.

I think it at least gives peace of mind that they’ve seen the behaviour in the littermates so you know that a lot of it is out of your control. I used to blame myself a lot more till the behaviourist my dog has told me my dog is the third dog they’ve seen from the same breeder albeit different litters (but possibly all with the same father.)

So while not all dogs get it and the overall reactivity stats seem below average, there are some dogs coming from there predisposed to fear/anxiety issues. Before I thought maybe I just wasn’t giving him enough to do because he came from a litter intended to be professional working dogs. It at least gave me peace of mind that she’d told me I’d gone above and beyond and she thought in another household he’d have been in serious trouble, even if I ever do have to make that call.

 

[ivyt85]

@katharina800 Thank you for your message. The littermate info does help somewhat, rationally but not emotionally. Wishing you the best with your pup

 

[moniquetrenchfield]

@ivyt85 I was in this position many years ago, I took on a dog as a last resort after everyone else had failed. I also failed, but in the worst possible way because she loved ME with all her heart, whereas she had hated everyone else.

Ultimately it wasn't enough, she was a danger to everyone else on earth and it simply wasn't possible to keep things safe. The decision wasn't even mine as the rescue retained ownership and the right to decide, but it broke me and 30 years later I am still broken. I feel for you so much.

All I can say is don't act in haste, for your own sake. Think rationally. Can you muzzle him, or do anything else to keep people safe for those small times he is out of control? Do you know the triggers and is there any environment where he wouldn't face them? It's easy to get overwrought and panic, and be overwhelmed. Try to consider every possibility, for your own peace of mind, because this won't be easy.

But if you can think through it logically and your conclusion is still that he is too dangerous or unhappy to live, then you must do what you know is right for everyone around him. Give him the best time before he goes and try to be kind to yourself. It's unbearable to know you bear the burden of this decision and I honestly don't know if I could ever do it again. Loving something broken is impossibly hard.

 

[ivyt85]

@moniquetrenchfield I’m so sorry you were in this position too

I have thought about muzzling him, unfortunately that would mean almost 100% of the time being in a muzzle as many of his triggers don’t follow a pattern and he’s unpredictable. I live alone and carry my phone with me from room to room to ensure I can always call for help. I’m exhausted.

 

[emmadaniel]

@ivyt85 Oh punkin, the carrying your phone thing REALLY drives it home. You are so scared in your own space and that just isn't healthy whatsoever... for you or your boy. He knows you're on edge, scared, anxious and stressed tf out and there's no fixing that now that you've got literal PTSD from the experience. I'm sending you all the love and support vibes i can, duder or dudette. You're doing something so difficult and just fucking agonizing and I'm so so sorry, honey.

 

[ivyt85]

@emmadaniel Thank you for your support. It really is like I’m traumatised from it all.

 

[pixeloriousspriteson]

@moniquetrenchfield “Loving something broken is impossibly hard.” A beautiful statement on life in general

 

[777godlover777]

@moniquetrenchfield That was truly beautiful.

 

[bambus]

@ivyt85 Reading this with all of the edits already in place was a rollercoaster.

Firstly, I wanted to mention that I was not going to judge you for your decision to BE. That said, I am so incredibly relieved for you and your boy that a viable foster has stepped forward. I truly hope this works out!

You did your best. I believe that of you. I hope you do, too. I hope he goes on to live a happier and less stressful life with this change of environment and companionship, and I hope you are able to adopt a dog that you feel safe and happy around when you are ready.