Pretty sure my dog doesn’t like me

[igbokwe]

I just adopted a dog a week and a half ago. I’ve been trying to bond with him - three walks a day/two walks and a game of fetch, ~20 minutes of training a day, lots of cuddles and pets at night, homemade meals, talking to him gently, positive reinforcement only (no punishment) - and yet I feel like he is sad all the time.

He wags his tail a tiny bit when he first sees me in the morning, but otherwise his tail hangs between his legs, his ears go flat, and his eyes look sad. He doesn’t engage with toys or playtime other than fetch (I only got him to play tug once). He even growled at me when I gave him a kong (resource guarding). He only seems to respond positively to me when I give him treats during training, otherwise he ignores me.

We have to keep him crated during the afternoon for now since we aren’t home to watch him and we have a bunny in one of the rooms, so I’m sure that probably hurts our bonding and makes him feel like we don’t trust him. But until he becomes more comfortable and has more training, we kinda don’t trust him.

I just took him to the vet for a follow up and found out his old owners A) only took him to the vet once in 2018 (he’s 4) and B) used an E-collar on him. I told the vet about his reactive behavior towards dogs and the growling towards me and she told me that if he’s growling at me, he doesn’t respect me and he is not the dog for me.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to give up on him because I see a lot of potential in him. But if he is genuinely unhappy with us and doesn’t respect me, I think that would make it hard to move forward, especially with the bunny around (bunny lives in the main living room so I don’t want doggy to feel left out). Does he just need more time to warm up to us? This is my first dog ever btw so I feel lost. What am I doing wrong?

 

[essy1010]

@igbokwe Please check out the 3-3-3 rule. Dogs need about 3 months to decompress to their new environment.

I would ease off on the training and focus on bonding activities. Establish a routine so the dog know that to expect, which helps with the decompression.

 

[igbokwe]

@essy1010 Thank you! I’m conflicted because some sources I read say to start training right away so he understands the rules of the house. He seems pretty happy to train and thats when I see glimpses of him lighting up so I figured it couldn’t hurt (it has also helped me adjust to him and feel more bonded to him tbh), but maybe you’re right and I should give it more time

 

[essy1010]

@igbokwe You should absolutely establish boundaries in the house early on. Eg. No counter surfing, chewing shoes, jumping on people, biting, etc.

By training i meant formal obedience training. Some people want their dogs to do fancy tricks and stuff right away, and that just doesn't happen when the dog is stressed out in a new environment. You know your pup best, so if he is happy to engage with you through some training, it can be a good bonding activity. Just take it easy so he doesn't get frustrated, scared etc

 

[igbokwe]

@essy1010 ohhh okay that makes sense. Yeah I will just continue to reinforce the basics and establish our house rules until he feels more comfortable, definitely don’t want to add to his stress. thank you!

 

[ladybee]

@igbokwe If training seems to be the thing that makes her most happy, I wouldn’t stop just because someone who hasn’t even seen her said so.

I’m pretty sure any of the advice about waiting with training, is based on the old assumption that training has to involve coercion. (And some people just ran with that advice, even though they use no coercion, because they never thought about how that advice originated.)

Trick training is a wonderful way to bond with a dog. Just keep it fun, don’t do anything that’s difficult and might frustrate the dog, and don’t use no-reward-markers. Just pure fun. Let her feel like she’s winning every step of the way, even if that means letting her take a trick in a different direction than you intended. (For example, if you try to teach down, and the dog offers “bow” instead, you can just teach that trick instead, unless there’s a specific reason you needed her to learn “down” right now.)

As for the fact that you seem to be counting the minutes you spend doing each activity… is that an estimate, or are you actually ticking boxes for how much time you think you “should” be spending on each activity?

I’d watch her body language carefully during interactions and do consent tests. That means start an activity, then stop and watch how she responds. Does she try to reengage you in that activity, or does she seem disinterested in continuing? This is particularly relevant with touching/cuddling. If you think she hasn’t bonded to you yet, there’s a chance she doesn’t actually enjoy having her personal space invaded. If her previous owners were using coercion/suppression, they may have taught her that she doesn’t have a choice in the matter, and needs to just tolerate it and silently hope for it to end. So make sure she knows that she always has the option to end any interaction with you, if she’s not feeling up to it. That’ll boost her trust, and though it may sound counterintuitive, she’ll become more likely to engage with you, once she knows that she can walk away if she’s had enough. (For a human analogy, you’d be more willing to try a new food if you get to take a single bite before deciding, as opposed to being forced to finish the entire meal the moment you agree to “try” it.)

Also note that learning about behavior is not mandatory to become a vet, and this one clearly hasn’t made that extra effort. Don’t take behavior advice from someone who tries to make growling into an issue of “respect.”

 

[theophan]

@ladybee So much this. Good training is fun for the dog, they often enjoy learning new things and mostly love treats. If the dog is having fun don't stop!

 

[jnapalo]

@igbokwe Make things fun and game like. Give him puzzles/canine enrichment. Tear apart a egg carton to get food.

Seconded on the 3-3-3 rule.

Couldn’t hurt to sign him up for some ‘building blocks to agility’ training classes. Find ‘fun’ obedience training classes. My dog practically jumps out of the car to get to obedience classes.

Also, don’t feel bad about kenneling. You’d feel worse if he ate your rabbit. My parents have rabbits and I kennel her when they are out. She doesn’t have much for prey drive, but you never know.

 

[laurencem]

@igbokwe Training starts immediately, but that doesn't have to mean anything intense or command-heavy. Just work on trust and lowering stress right now.

Pick up a jar of treats or just his kibble, and check out the Smart 50.

https://www.dogsandbabieslearning.c...os-smart-x-50-another-way-to-use-1000-treats/

 

[a2ai]

@igbokwe A week and a half is really no time at all. It takes much much longer than that for a dog to really connect with you. I have a 3 year old jug who is my little shadow now, but it took about 4 months before I really felt like he liked me, before that he was just kinda naughty and seemed happier doing his own thing or playing with other dogs

Edit, just realised your dog is 4, I thought you had a pup. It's going to take a long time before your dog fully trusts you but it will be worth it in the end. You've got to remember, your dog has just gone through something traumatic, he doesn't know where his old family is, he doesn't know who you are or understand what's going on. He might even think he's only with you for a short period, that you're going to take him back to his old family at some point.

I think what your vet said about the dog not respecting you is stupid. I treat my dogs with love and they respond to me because they want to make me happy, not because of some weird idea of respect.

Does your dog only resource guard with toys? Or is it food too?

 

[igbokwe]

@a2ai Thank you for your comment poor baby, I get so sad thinking about how he must feel and how confused he must be. I just can’t give up on him, at least now he’s loved.

I was a little confused why the vet said that as well. I thought she of all people would reassure me but she seemed to really think that his growling is a bad sign and that I should return him. I just figured he needs more time to learn to trust me. He only growled once at me; I gave him a kong with cooked turkey, rice, and veggies (vet approved recipe I found) and when I tried to take it away from him so we could move to a different room, he growled. When I offered him other treats in exchange he gave it to me and then I gave it right back so he knows I’m not taking it from him forever. We did that a few times and he stopped growling. Otherwise, he growls at noises in the house (if he hears someone walk by and my door is closed, if someone knocks, if someone says “hello”, etc.)

 

[kaleyesus]

@igbokwe Trust your instincts here friend it sounds like you’ve got good ones. Fwiw—vets aren’t necessarily trained in behavior. Co-sign at least considering a different one if they’re writing you off so easily.

 

[igbokwe]

@kaleyesus thank you I went here because it was a free follow up with the SPCA, but probably won’t go back

 

[sj74]

@igbokwe Oh, you took it from him. I wouldn’t do that to a new dog in the house because you don’t really know his temperament yet.

 

[igbokwe]

@sj74 understood, thank you

 

[a2ai]

@igbokwe That's exactly what you need to do with the resource guarding, get him to associate you coming near something he likes, with something positive. Growling at someone coming by your door is really really normal. My dogs do this all the time, once the door opens and they realise it's someone they know, or someone that I know and I'm welcoming in, then they completely calm down. That's just him alerting you to something he wants you to check out. I direct my dogs to sit and wait on their bed when someone comes to the door, they wait, I check out the "disturbance" for them.

My first dog was 4 when we got her, her first family gave her up and then the second owner gave her up just months later. So we were her third family. We had a lot of problems with anxiety separation and aggression while on the lead. It took about a year before I really felt she was "my" dog. She's 13 now, doesn't walk too well anymore, and although the first year with her was pretty tough and a lot of hard work, she's such a good girl now and so sweet.

It really sounds like you're doing everything right, just gotta give your boy some time and stay the course.

 

[igbokwe]

@a2ai thank you! your story gives me hope, she sounds like a good girl

 

[laurencem]

@igbokwe

When I offered him other treats in exchange he gave it to me and then I gave it right back so he knows I’m not taking it from him forever.

A lot of folks fall into the trap of thinking that growling is a bad thing. It's surprisingly not - you WANT your dog to feel comfortable expressing his stress and fear to you, so you can help him better.

The growling makes sense, too. Image a random co-worker you don't know well walking up and taking a bite of your lunch. Wouldn't you be growl, too? I would!

If you google a bit, you'll actually find various resources on the trading up game. It's a legit strategy. This will help you build trust in a more effective way. Also look up how to teach your dog "leave it."

Later on, you may need to reach down and grab something as a last resort for safety reasons. Plunk enough coins into that trust jar, and keep adding to to it, to make sure you have sufficient funds for that rare emergency withdrawal.

 

[steph5472]

@igbokwe Oh wow! I would find another vet if I were you. Growling is fine--it's the dog's way of telling you that he's uncomfortable and nervous since he can't speak human. Respect the growl, never take anything away from him (if you can help it) without trading up. Practice drop and leave it and reward, reward, reward. Hell, just sit next to him and offer him treats periodically without making any eye contact or requiring anything else. Try hand feeding him his meals so he associates you as the provider of tasty food. Take him on long sniffy walks. I really think this will just take some time and then he'll bond to you and love you like crazy and recognize that you're the source of all that's good in his life.

 

[jamlids123]

@igbokwe I would really take what that vet said with a grain of salt. I’ve had 15 dogs in my life. My dachshund currently resource guards. I’m not one to give a treat and take it away. But she will give little growls if I take away something she “steals” like a pen! I know she won’t bite… she is communicating her displeasure. If your dog stops with a firm “No”, then I would not worry. A week is really early to feel bonded. This is just the beginning!