My reactive dog got back to the shelter today. Absolutely heartbroken and angry

[roman_k]

Today I had to give back the 2 yr old pit mix I adopted about two months ago with my partner. We tried everything in our power to keep him as he was amazing with us. There rest of the world, however, terrified him; people, dogs, cars, statues, moving objects. We ended up talking to a hyperqualified trainer, even above our budget, to make light on the situation, him being our first dog and us being unexperienced.
This trainer told us exactly what we should do to rehabilitate him, but that would be 1. economically impossible to afford (antistress food, natural supplements, meidcation) 2. time wise impossible to manage with us being young students (4h walks for decompression per day, with 0 triggers, meaning 6h driving included) 3. impossible in our current living situation (he would need countryside home with a garden, we're in an apartment).
so for both our and his sake, we took him back, knowing this shelter does rehab dogs with professionals.
The extra damage on top of this, is the shelter's reaction. They blamed us for not keeping him, because he's "impossible to rehome". implied we're irresponsible, uncaring. stated we're overreacting. this dog will snap at every person he meets on the street, teeth and all. growl at me for being close to him. I love him, incredibly, but i don't have the skills or the means to keep him.
Please tell me they're wrong, they're guilt tripping me, thinking im hiding 150k in my bank account to spend on him and a house he'd be comfy at.
I honestly cant deal with the guilt on top of all of this. i keep telling myself, at the shelter he wont have to walk on any streets, or meet anyone. he will have a field just for him for x amount of time per day. a trainer to help. still better than living with me, right?

UPDATE: we contacted the division of the shelter that deals with reactive dogs and they are now aware of his issues. He will begin rehabilitation training when it is fit.
Thanks everyone for the kind words.

 

[jenniwrenn]

@roman_k I don't usually comment, but I want to say, as someone who works in a shelter, when we get an animal returned I always say that I'm so sorry it didn't work out and I thank the person/family for trying. Yes, my shelter is full (like everyone else) and of course it's disappointing when a pet comes back. But there's no reason to make someone feel even worse for what's already a hard choice. :/ *We* don't even know 100% how a pet will act once out of a shelter environment and into a home (their behavior often changes in a different environment!), so how could we expect anyone else to? Part of being a pet owner is knowing your own limits, why should I be mad at someone for doing exactly that?

I don't work at the shelter your dog came from, but I want to thank you for trying the best you could and that I'm really sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped. You gave the shelter more information about this pup, and you gave him a break from a shelter environment which are two things that DO HELP even if you'd hoped you could help more. Giving a shelter animal a chance is an amazing, loving thing to do even when it doesn't turn out the way everyone wanted.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@jenniwrenn I know this wasn't directed at me but I still appreciated reading it... I feel like it healed a years long wound I've been harboring after bringing our very aggressive staffie back to the shelter after trying very hard for 6 months to train her and give her a safe/comfortable home. (Had to eventually bring her back after she bit my friend's dog, though to be fair it was my friend who was an idiot and took her back to her home rather than dog sitting at our house like we had asked)

 

[jenniwrenn]

@imagebeastmarkbeast I'm so glad if it helped, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hate seeing posts where the folks working at rescues/shelters are cruel to people who tried and couldn't make it work. I also don't understand being like that when I've had people come to me obviously distressed over returning a pet. Shelter work is hard and workers are allowed to have feelings, but taking those feelings out on someone who *tried to do a compassionate thing and is already upset* is just wrong and doesn't help anyone OR the animals.

I know the dogs and other animals are better for the time and love they did have with you, and others who aren't able to keep them as long as they'd hoped. I know that in the same way I know my short time with them matters. I wouldn't be in this field otherwise, you know? Adopters are amazing, people trying to educate themselves to do the best they can for reactive dogs are amazing, and people who realize their own limits despite how painful that is are also amazing.

 

[richard1970]

@roman_k The shelter is absolutely wrong and absolutely should not have shamed you. Caring for that dog was beyond your means in more ways than one, and you had already stretched yourself looking for solutions. Surrendering him was the kind, strong, and right thing to do. He needs an owner with the resources to help him get better, and it must have been so painful for you to accept you couldn’t do it.

I’m so sorry you got shamed for doing the right thing.

 

[renee77]

@roman_k You did nothing wrong. The shelter failed you.

If he’s impossible to rehome, he’s just not wired right. It was a bad idea for them to put this dog up for adoption knowing he has that behavior.

 

[davecb]

@roman_k

They blamed us for not keeping him, because he's "impossible to rehome".

And this is why I will continue to tell people that if they want a rescue dog, they have to understand that rescue groups and shelters are not all ok. Too many of them are about getting their numbers to look good for live release, and not doing the work to ensure that a dog who is sent out, will work in the home he was sent to.

There is nothing you did that changed this dog. This is what they sent out, and gaslighting you doesn't change that.

I'm sorry this was your dog experience. When you are ready to try again, I'd do some solid research on a shelter or rescue group you deal with, including what happens if the dog can not work in your home.

 

[bayface107]

@davecb Shelters can be sketchy. Hiding bite records to push dogs out on unprepared families.

Just like there are unethical breeders, there are also unethical shelters.

 

[davecb]

@bayface107

Just like there are unethical breeders, there are also unethical shelters.

that's something that some hardcore adopt don't shop people dont' want to hear.

I am fully onboard with the statement, "some breeders suck".

But I also am aware that some rescue groups and shelters are great and some are scary, and get people hurt or killed.

 

[bayface107]

@davecb I love my rescue dog, but there's a reason I won't gamble with a shelter dog again going forward.

 

[david_ab]

@davecb All breeders suck because all breeders impregnate female dogs, risking their lives, for the sole purpose of selling her children for pleasure. If someone can't care for a shelter dog then they can't care for a dog. The answer is NOT to breed more, it's to go without.

 

[alvakm]

@david_ab I have no idea on how ethical breeding works. So I'm going to post my screed about it on someone's else hard decision post. How self centered are you?

 

[davecb]

@david_ab So if you hate dogs are you here to troll?

 

[roman_k]

@davecb I've definitely got to know a few positive dog experts in this journey. I also now know that a shelter that treats dogs nicely isn't necessarily treating the adopting families nicely.
I'll 100% only adopt knowing the dog's background from now on, if i will adopt again.

 

[davecb]

@roman_k

I'll 100% only adopt knowing the dog's background from now on, if i will adopt again.

if you work with a rescue group or shelter, get to know the people you're dealing with. You need to decide if they are doing all that they need to do, before placing dogs.

There are good rescues out there, and shelters!! A friend of mine got a dog from Texas, back last summer, who was shipped up to Jersey. But the dog arrived in Jersey, and went to a foster home for a month. They were able to give my friend really useful information about the dog, and were sure that the dog would work for my inexperienced friend.

And she did. She was a perfect dog for my friend, a young mostly Lab and who knows what else, couch potato. She's great with other dogs and people, and needed no real training to fit into her new home.

But there are dogs who come home from a shelter/rescue, who within hours have landed their first bite. And there's no reason for that sort of thing to happen.

 

[roman_k]

@davecb What makes all of this surreal is that we did get thoroughly checked before adopting. Got asked about careers, other pets, kids, daily habits, history with dogs, got our house inspected. Next time we'll be wiser. We definitely learnt about a lot of resources in our area for good adopting advice.

 

[davecb]

@roman_k Honestly I think for some groups that’s 100% window dressing. They don’t hold up their end of the bargain

 

[marcrene01]

@roman_k No dog especially not an anxious one should be taken on 4h walks as a training or management strategy. That trainer sounds ridiculous.

 

[revmike10]

@marcrene01 Looking for this comment. 4 hour walks with zero triggers? Lmao

 

[jamesdb]

@revmike10 Also "antistress food." Say what, now?