I am not the puppy owner I thought I’d be

[benjaminagbloe]

So…I will probably delete this because I am so ashamed of myself…I have the sweetest little pup and I am totally losing momentum. I’m crawling out of a significant depressive episode and the love from my girl has helped immensely, but now that she is fully vaccinated, I’m not doing the things I thought I would for her. I definitely took her places to socialize her, did puppy classes, and at this point I thought I’d be taking her for a daily walk, going on hikes, etc…but she is pretty much still my couch buddy except for an hour every night when she has the zoomies and terrorizes the cats.

I’ve almost given up on potty training (she just lays down on the outdoor pet loo most of the time and then within minutes of coming inside will pee or poop wherever).

She is a total Velcro dog and follows me wherever I go - we did crate training the first couple weeks, but after I fell asleep with her in the bed with me and we slept the whole night through, she’s been my bed buddy ever since (no accidents).

So - even though we seem to adore each other, I am still not providing the life I should for her. How can I break out of this cozy, lazy life?

 

[liturgynerd]

@benjaminagbloe I don’t like the phrase self-pity in this situation. Sometimes yourself deserves pity.

When my pup was 7 months, the love of my life suddenly dumped me after 4 years, and I lost my job and apartment. I needed a few weeks before I could do almost anything besides catatonically stare at the wall, and occasionally feed myself. I took care of his base needs, but that was all I had in me.

Know who graciously let me have those few weeks? And still loves me just as much as he ever did? My puppy. And for what it’s worth, while everyone around me was urging me to reconsider keeping him, my therapist urged me to keep him. And she was 100% right. Without him I’d have had absolutely nothing. I met his needs, he got me out of bed and outside. I’d probably still be near-comatose 4 months later if not for him.

That said - there’s no shame if you decide you can’t do it. But they’re resilient. If this is a temporary stage, don’t beat yourself up. It’s not ideal, but he’ll forgive you

 

[benjaminagbloe]

@liturgynerd HE GOT ME OUT OF BED AND OUTSIDE.

 

[liturgynerd]

@benjaminagbloe It’s not for everyone, but I’d urge anybody in your position to consider this side-effect! It was HUGE for my healing

 

[curlymo1]

@liturgynerd Second this!! I was in a very bad place in feb 2020, started antidepressants and then surprise global pandemic. I ended up going to live with my folks and I swear, my family dog saved my life. I never would have left the house and just slept and drank all day without her. She got me up and outside, to the point where I started looking forward to it. I just got my own puppy and sometimes it’s exhausting. Tonight I didn’t take her out when I should have and she peed A LOT inside. I feel so guilty, but she’s fed, loved and happy and sometimes we slip up!

 

[humbleheart]

@benjaminagbloe Dude this is exactly it. My depressive episodes are still bad, but his stupid little face and playful growl get me out of bed, or just up in general, and I could never thank him enough for that

 

[beckyh]

@benjaminagbloe Our pup did this for us too when we lost our cat. We spent so many hours in the animal hospital and she just sat there, never said a peep. She was almost five months at the time and couldn’t stay still at home but she was an amazing support in the hospital.

When our cat passed we also didn’t have the energy to go out much and she never ever complained, she cuddled with us while we cried.

OP you will get out of this, you are strong and deserve happiness. Pups understand emotions, I am sure, and your pup will be there for you until you feel better.

In the meantime, find some engaging things your pup can do at home? Not sure what type of dog you have but my girl loves bones and anything she can chew on so maybe give your pup something like that?

 

[vshock]

@benjaminagbloe This is why you need him and how he can help you. Im prone to the same mental health issues and my girl has often gotten me up when otherwise I wouldn’t have.

Best advice: have someone as a backup who you can call if you get so down you know you are really neglecting him (feeding, giving water).

That said, I think regular walks would improve your potty training scenario.

 

[harvesters2]

@benjaminagbloe He got me out of bed and outside is so real.

Take that line and live by it every-time you’re feeling down.

 

[dean1566]

@benjaminagbloe Same with my girl! If I don’t feel like eating (depression) I realize I have to, because otherwise I won’t be good for her walks.

And I go to my college classes even when I REALLY don’t want to. I just keep thinking “Got go to college to get a good degree to get a good job to get a nice big backyard for Riot” (I know it doesn’t always work out that way, but it keeps me going)

 

[raycrossley52]

@liturgynerd Wow, sorry to hear you went through that. How anyone could deal with a teenage puppy going through a bad break up is beyond me. Much respect to you. So glad to hear you and the pup came out the other side

 

[liturgynerd]

@raycrossley52 Haha, all you have to do is completely neglect yourself and spend the 5% mental energy you still possess on keeping the puppy alive!

No, in all seriousness, I really appreciate you saying that. I’m only just now starting to be able to step back and appreciate the fact that… holy shit. We somehow actually made it through that! I don’t want to be too dramatic, but during most of that time, I was pretty goddamn positive that I wouldn’t. So your validation means a lot more than you know

he says thank you too (he just has permanent bashful sad boy face)

 

[curlymo1]

@liturgynerd Such a handsome pup!

 

[m11]

@liturgynerd He's so sweet! Glad you made it through - he's so worth it!

 

[danikah]

@liturgynerd This post is incredibly kind. Thank you for putting this response out into the world. I agree entirely.

 

[asen]

@liturgynerd This!! My pup was 4 months old when my son was born. I had such terrible post partum depression. My partner at the time was abusive to me and never let me hold my son. My dog was all I had. She really is the only reason I’m here. At first it was just taking care of her basic needs but as I started to improve, I wanted to do more for her. It almost felt like she knew if she helped me, I would be able to do these things for her.

Her and my son now have a beautiful bond and the three of us make (in my eyes) a perfect family. She is living a full life and is still there for me when I’m down.

Training is simply consistency, even when you feel like giving up. A little hack for potty training: use an unscented wet wipe and wipe their bum and everything down. The ‘stimulation’ often caused them to go to the toilet then you can reward the behaviour! I used to sit outside for hours with my pup waiting for her to go to the toilet until I found that out.