How to get stubborn S/O on board

[rob85262]

My partner of four years and I adopted a lovely rescue dog in September of last year. She’s incredibly sweet, smart and energetic. Overall, a really great dog and I adore her. She has extreme anxiety though and is reactive to new people and dogs (once she gets to know people/dogs, her sweetness comes out in full force.) I’ve gotten her on anti-anxiety daily meds and I take her to a behaviorist every 2-3 weeks. As an anxious person myself, I am sympathetic to her struggles and try my best to be extremely patient and understanding with her. My partner on the other hand, is very rigid in his thinking. He thinks she just likes barking and is a “jerk” rather than being truly anxious despite three separate experts (two trainers and one fear-free vet) saying otherwise. I have been the one to push for the meds and training. I have taken her to all her vet appointments and training sessions. My partner has attended none of them, even the virtual one (over zoom) we did from our apartment when the trainer was out of town. I am leaving our city for work soon though. I’ll be gone several months and I’m worried my partner will stop taking her to her sessions when I leave. Have any of you had luck with convincing someone with a “traditional” view of reactive dogs of the benefit of behavioral sessions? Any advice or talking points to help facilitate the conversation?

 

[noah13]

@rob85262 I'm sorry you're dealing with this. How does the conflict get resolved when y'all have differing opinions on other things?

 

[rob85262]

@noah13 Usually, I can convince him to let me do what I want (ex: going to the sessions) but he also does what he wants (ex:not going to the sessions even when I schedule them on days he’s available).

 

[noah13]

@rob85262 What I'm trying to get at is you probably have disagreements on other things - how to do laundry, load the dishwasher, etc. Does he typically steamroll your opinions? And the opinions of professionals?

 

[rob85262]

@noah13 Ah, I see. Yes and no. He tends to think he knows bests but won’t stop me from doing anything so long as I pay for it/do it.

 

[beekind]

@rob85262 I have a similar issue. Hate to say it but it took him getting bit. I was bitten 10+ times (I know, I know). The last “straw” was when he watched in live time as the dog snatched my hand and drew lots of blood; that was the first time he rushed me to ER and was actually serious.

Then we switched roles and he was bitten. We had another huge falling out over the dog a few more times after that. Finally, me going back to work within the animal industry that he began to practice what I had been preaching.

You are welcome to DM me to talk a bit more if you want.

Ultimately I found that making HIM deal with everything—giving meds, walks, vet appointments—was what made him change. Relieving yourself of the mental load. The more your partner has to deal with the problem the more they either understand. What they do with that understanding (comply, do not comply) is on them. But you can unload a bit by asking him to repeatedly do things. Dog needs her morning meds? Shout from the toilet for him to give the meds. Needs to go out? You make dinner, he takes dog out. My partner learned why the harness was important by the third walk.

Its hard. Conflict arises a lot when the dog gets mixed messages. So either he gets on board 100% or he never gets to interact with the dog, ever.

 

[hi2u_uk]

@rob85262 Did the two of you get the dog or did you get it when he didn't want it?

 

[rob85262]

@hi2u_uk I was the one who was hesitant on getting a dog (particularly a puppy) because of how busy we are. He was the one who wanted one and picked our dog (at the time 5 months old) out.