Fear aggressive pup... considering BE after 3.5 years of trying to make it work

[imumi01]

@zarif Sweetheart, you're not a failure!

We are all our own worst critic.

 

[madmoonsam]

@zarif I want you to look at BE differently here. You’re not just…ending her life or making yours easier. You’re giving her peace. She is so terrified of the world around her that thousands of hours and dollars have not helped her feel secure. She is constantly on edge, ready to defend herself at any moment even from people she knows are safe. She is on so much medication in your own words that she is knocked out all the time, and she is still aggressive to others.

Your sweet girl that you love and adore is miserable in a brain that will not let her relax, even with medication and therapy. If you choose to let her go, you can work with an at home euthanasia provider who can likely try to make her last moments as comfortable as possible, so that she can feel peace.

If it was me, and I knew my best friend was terrified all the time, I would let her have that peace she deserves, so she would never have to fear again.

 

[zarif]

@madmoonsam Thank you. I really appreciate your thoughts. That she can be so scared and aggressive despite the layers of meds is really telling how deep her pain is.

 

[deepwound]

@madmoonsam My thoughts exactly when I read OP’s post, and much better worded than I most likely can.

OP, please try not to feel guilty for considering BE. You have done your best to provide the best life possible for your dog and to help her feel comfortable and good in her life! Know that she probably feels and knows this as well.
But as psiiconic touches on, her quality of life might not be the best because of her mental state, by no fault of yours or hers.
You are not selfish for considering BE and potentially going down that route. Please know that.

 

[milz777]

@zarif I'm sorry you're going through this. Cattle dogs are generally a breed with little bite restraint. They're nippy, mouthy dogs, as they need to be to do their original job. But combined with poor breeding and/or poor socialization, it can lead to a dog like yours.

You're not alone. I've known several cattle dogs that were difficult dogs that were quick to bite. An old friend of mine had a rescue cattle dog with very simular issues. She was a dog trainer herself and thought she could turn this dog around. They tried for years and saw very little improvement. The final straw was the dog biting a complete stranger during a walk who was talking to the owner while ignoring the dog. They then decided to go for BE.

When you've tried everything, as you clearly have, BE can be the kindest option, for both yourselves and the dog.

 

[zarif]

@milz777 Thank you. One of the things that has been so hard is to try and find the line between: "oh, this is just a cattle dog thing" versus "yah, no. this isnt normal or okay". Mouthy, nippy, that I get. Its the skin-breaking bites that are starting to make me very worried. Thank you for sharing about your trainer friend... it is comforting to know that even professionals can be broken by a broken cattle dog.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@zarif It may be a long shot, but I own a farm, and already own ACDs. I live in the South Eastern US. I’d be willing to house her to see if I can help her take her misplaced energy from fear aggression to a job.

 

[thunter1822]

@imagebeastmarkbeast This is such a generous offer, and one scores of dogs who were ultimately euthanised COULD have been saved by. She’ll clearly never function with an urban lifestyle, but given space to ease the anxiety and real work to funnel energy into? Might mean salvation. Pity it’s such a rare opportunity given to so few dogs, because it can be completely transformative

 

[zarif]

@thunter1822 I agree that she would likely be better in a rural setting… if I could only find someone who would take her!

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@thunter1822 I like to do what I can when I can. This is a situation I might be able to help, so why not give the baby every single chance the parents can take?

 

[zarif]

@imagebeastmarkbeast I will DM shortly.

 

[birdofprey]

@zarif I’m in your situation having less level 3 bites but 3 level 2 bites and a dog with very bad fear aggression, anxiety and noise phobia. We are considering BE at this point as well.

I recently posted about this basically looking for the same sort of support/advice?? and I just feel you so much. Loving this animal but feeling so trapped and stressed and heart broken. It’s so hard. I think you know what the next course of action will be, based on what you have shared. It’s just a hard one to come to terms with.

Right now my boy is sitting by me while I work and is my best buddy but yesterday we had to have somebody come to the house to do work and he was locked away barking and growling for 5 hrs straight completely stressed and freaked out. He also retreats for days at a time if there is active weather. Even with medication. It’s sad. It’s all just sad when I hear about dogs with these problems. Hugs, I get what you’re going through.

 

[zarif]

@birdofprey Thank you. And hugs to you too. These dogs, huh? So easy to love and so hard too.

 

[crucinatius]

@zarif My heart goes out to you. Based on what you’ve written, I think BE is a valid in this situation. Your quality of life is clearly suffering, and you need to think about the safety of your child. Also, a dog who is that anxious and fearful despite medication probably doesn’t have the best quality of life either. You gave her the best you could for 3.5 years, which was a great gift to her. Now it’s time to move on because you’ve done everything you can, and the future does not look encouraging.

Best wishes for you and your dog.

 

[zarif]

@crucinatius Thank you so much for your thoughts. I really have given her everything I could over these last many years, and I do often think about her quality of life being really pretty limited -- and potentially more limited as we have to keep B away from our family, friends and broader community...

 

[whyayeman]

@zarif This dog is not living. She's special needs and reactive because she's afraid. With dogs we look for quality vs quantity, this isn't quality for anyone involved. You deserve to have a life where you aren't also constantly afraid and stressed, like she is.

BE is the kindest choice. She can't be fixed, she won't get better, but she could get worse.

We humans think about life as a gift and we hate the idea of cutting is short for anything. But animals don't necessarily have that same view. Animals want to see safe and secure. That's when they're happy. Sounds like you can't ever get there with her.

She's your first baby. She's your family, she just isn't thriving in a world and she's dangerous to your child. I'd give her one amazing last few days if you can. A week of really living, and then make the call. She is suffering. It just isn't cancer, it isn't easy to see it as it is when we get sick. But she is. And it's okay to say she doesn't have to suffer anymore.

 

[toinena]

@zarif I'm so sorry, my heart breaks for you. This is such a difficult decision to make.

As a mom, and the owner of a reactive dog, I always put my kids first. If my dog became too dangerous around my children, then I would get rid of him. I love my dog to bits and I would be devastated if we did have to rehome or BE him but my children's safety comes first.

Toddlers are EXTREMELY unpredictable. Even a well socialized dog can get nervous around a toddler, because they move so unpredictably, have no sense of personal space and grab things like ears, hair, tails etc. You do not want your dog to have even a close call with your kid. You would never forgive yourself.

Look -- you tried! You're not giving up easily -- you really put in the effort and you have a dog that sounds so anxious and miserable (maybe due to abuse, or previous living conditions, or just plain genetics). It's not your fault, and I think BE would be the humane thing to do for your whole family. If I were you, I'd maybe make a photo album to remember the good times and then cremate and bury his ashes with a tree or something like that.

I'm really sorry; this is a heartbreaking decision and it isn't easy. Good luck.

 

[zarif]

@toinena Thank you. I am so endlessly grateful that B seems to know that we don't want her near the baby and she gets up to leave anytime baby waddles over to her. I also feel terrible for baby wants to pet the doggie, and we just simply cant let it happen really. Or we are constantly pulling her away from B -- redirecting dog away from baby and baby away from dog. Its exhausting.

 

[lilith71]

@zarif I’m so sorry, this sounds incredibly stressful and heartbreaking. I think you’ve done everything you possibly can. You have to protect your baby. If I were in your shoes, I would choose BE.

 

[ruthhayes]

@zarif If you are looking for permission for what it sounds like you know in your heart is the right choice, you have it.

You have gone above and beyond and done everything imaginable for B. But mental suffering is suffering. Your relationship with her suffers for it, because the fear and worry and valid concerns about safety for everyone trump the joy you get during the few moments of peace. Your relationship with your husband and family suffer for it, because the countless barriers in place due to the danger she poses to everyone's safety can interfere with your ability to engage and stay connected in a meaningful way.

BE is a kindness when there is no alternative, as much as general euthanasia is for any other illness or suffering. I am so sorry you find yourself here, but you are not wrong in any way. This doesn't mean there is no pain in the loss or that you won't carry the weight of choosing euthanasia--but again, that would exist if this scenario were related to any other illness or pain. You've done everything you can to heal her, and some things just can't be healed.

I hope you find peace, no matter what you choose.