Edited to Add TLDR: I feel helpless, trapped. Thousands of dollars. Three different trainers. Specialists (Behaviorist+Neurologist). Medication. Multiple specialized dog walkers. Every training tool under the sun. Countless no-touch bites, several level-2 bites and at least one level-three bite. Isolated from friends, family. Worried about baby and marriage. Is this a BE situation?
...
This is a long story, but I'm feeling like BE has slowly become my only real option. I'm sorry this is so long, but we've gone through so much and I want to make sure you understand everything here.
My husband and I adopted our dog, B, around 3.5 years ago in December 2019, a few months before the whole Covid thing descended. She was, then, estimated to be a 3 year old cattle dog whose history was pretty opaque. She was found on the street somewhere in NJ and brought into a shelter before she was picked up by ACDRA (a breed-specific rescue). She was posted as a medium-sized dog that was good with cats. She seemed shy, but I figured that was to be expected. We were informed that B did bite the officer that pulled her from the street, which we assumed was just because she was being forcefully corralled. I figured love, engaged training, active lifestyle, etc., would pull B out of her shell. I grew up with dogs (including a rescue herding dog) and had trained a few from when they were pups, so I figured I knew what I was getting into. I was ready to put in the work.
It became clear within a few weeks that B was going to need a lot more work than we anticipated. She completely went ballistic at the mere sight of other dogs and strangers (especially men) -- shrieking, squealing, barking, lunging, etc.. The more B became comfortable with us, the worse she was with others. Within the first month, B bit my sister's dog when we visited over the holidays (we tried to keep them separate, but there was one moment when sister's dog escaped...). She also bite my brother in law (who was trying too hard to be her friend...).
We quickly engaged a positive-reinforcement training program for reactive/aggressive dogs. After the 8 or so weekly sessions of that program, the trainer was basically like: this is the most anxious dog I've ever seen. She suggested that we keep B indoors at all times except to go out for potty and to exercise B indoors only (we lived in a 1100 squarefoot home). My husband and I were taken aback... we didn't really know what to do with this, though we knew we needed a new trainer, approach, etc., A couple weeks after that, our city basically completely shut down because of Covid (March 2020).
It took six months (August 2020) or so before we could really engage another trainer. We opted for a board and train due to covid social distancing plus B's need to socialize with other dogs, etc. . That trainer presented herself as a behaviorist to us (we've learned later that she isn't at all...). She put us on a very strict regiment (lots of crating, staying on place, less affection/pets). She introduced a combination of muzzle, gentle-leader with a prong and a sometimes also e-collar (insanity), and a gazillion other things. It was a lot. But, we embraced her approach. After a few months when we came back for more support, she basically said that we should get rid of B. We were gutted... after so much money and time to have the trainer basically say it was hopeless.
It took another 9 months or so before we decided to try another trainer (July 2021). As we began to socialize more (covid reopening), B had bit or tried to bite people in our home (after a few incidents, we ultimately just began to keep her in a crate upstairs when anyone comes into the house). And, outdoors reactivity was as bad as it ever was, etc. The new trainer focused on obedience with lots of treats and rewarding. He did ultimately suggest an e-collar as a failsafe. While we used it on the lowest settings in only very limited situations, my husband and I basically stopped using it because it didnt feel good. We spent hours each week devoted to B's training. She seemed happier. B began to focus on us in moments that she would normally she would have severe reactions. Things seemed to be going along fairly well. We even began to do courses with her (sniff work).
Meanwhile, I became pregnant. Realizing that we would need help during the birth and after, we tried to engage a dog walker to get to know her so we could have help. We worked for MONTHS with one dog walker who specialized in aggressive/reactive dogs. Meet-n-greets multiple times a week, etc., We never got to a point where he could independently enter our home and put a lead on her. Ultimately, during birth, he came and stayed at our house with her fully muzzled and with a lead on the entire time. We tried to engage him for a few months after to help, but after a level-2/3 bite-incident (she managed to pull her muzzle off somehow...), we decided to stop for everyone's safety.
We asked our vet for other options, and they suggested medication. So, we began medicating. We reached out to the rescue, and they basically told us that they wouldn't take her back. We then hired an actual real behaviorist (June 2022). The behaviorist tweaked her meds (at this point, she is so knocked out all the time, its sad... and she still has aggressive moments) but basically said that she was a fear-aggressive special needs dog and that there wasn't much more we could do than what we're already doing. She referred us to a dog-sitting/walking company set up to help people with complicated dogs (we worked with (and paid) them for several months before it was clear it was not going to actually get to a point where anyone there could take care of B). We even took her to a neurologist to see what we could learn about that, but they didnt find anything.
So, we just keep on continuing to make-it-work, but it really is incredibly stressful all the time, with a lot of strain on our marriage, honestly. Fortunately, she isn't aggressive towards the baby, but we are constantly worried that she will react to something else and trample her. Once she got resource-guardy with he over a crumb that fell on the ground, and now we are vigilant about keeping them apart when food is around... but baby is now walking and it is harder to keep them separate.
At the same time, we're basically trapped. We cannot go anywhere (like, to visit family who all live far), really... except for two options: (1) her former foster mom is occasionally available to dog sit or (2) a single no-touch kennel that we found (which honestly is pretty traumatic...). Both are an hour+ drive away. Recently, we had to visit my husband's mother and B was not welcome to come with us. Fortunately, the foster mom was available. However, and at one point she actually bit the foster mom (level 3 at least). Foster mom is fine with it, but... like, its not good. This is the ONE person besides my husband and I that B has generally been okay with. So, now I am worried: If B can bite the foster mom like that, my big concern now is that B can bite our baby that has now grown into a toddler.
B is my family. I do love her. She is a total goof and a snuggler and she is by my side most of the time. I am her person, you know. But, when I think of the next 10 years of her natural life and the first 10 years of my child's, it just doesn't match. I am constantly worried something will happen and someone will get seriously hurt. I simply do not have the time, energy or money to keep putting into her training as we did before having a baby. Its like living with a bomb and you keep tip toeing around it and hoping it will be okay, but maybe you accidentally bump into it one day and boom. Or the wind blows and boom. We've had several emergency-vet visits due to her hurting herself during more severe outbursts (torn dew claws, etc.).
So, internet strangers... I dont even know what Im looking for. I feel helpless, trapped. Thousands of dollars. Three different trainers. Multiple specialized dog walkers. Every training tool under the sun. We couldn't get extra support for her while dealing with an infant. It is hard to have friends or family over to our house. We can't travel anywhere (she cant really come with us, and we cant leave her with anyone). We now had countless no-touch bites, several level-2 bites and at least one level-three bite.
At this point, several of the people we've worked with with B have said that BE may make sense. Is this a BE situation? How far do you change your entire life and how long do you live in constant worry to keep a dog alive? Its been 3.5 years since we adopted her... and honestly I don't know how I'll survive another 3.5...
....
Edit to respond to some common comments:
I have connected with at least a dozen rescues in a three hour radius, including especially herding-specific ones. I also have been in touch with ACDRA, who we adopted her from originally. I have also posted on facebook pages for rehoming heelers (with full disclosure of her history). No one will take her.
We ultimately have taken what works from various trainers and left the rest behind. We do not use the e collar, and we very rarely use negative reinforcement techniques (such as a firm and low voiced “NO”). Our work with with her focuses on commands, redirection, confidence building, etc. We also have invested in various enrichment activities (puzzles, sniff work, etc.), but ultimately there are only so many "jobs" we can give her in a family home.
Finally, for those that have asked, BE is an acronym for Behavioral Euthanasia (euthanasia due to behavioral problems).
...
This is a long story, but I'm feeling like BE has slowly become my only real option. I'm sorry this is so long, but we've gone through so much and I want to make sure you understand everything here.
My husband and I adopted our dog, B, around 3.5 years ago in December 2019, a few months before the whole Covid thing descended. She was, then, estimated to be a 3 year old cattle dog whose history was pretty opaque. She was found on the street somewhere in NJ and brought into a shelter before she was picked up by ACDRA (a breed-specific rescue). She was posted as a medium-sized dog that was good with cats. She seemed shy, but I figured that was to be expected. We were informed that B did bite the officer that pulled her from the street, which we assumed was just because she was being forcefully corralled. I figured love, engaged training, active lifestyle, etc., would pull B out of her shell. I grew up with dogs (including a rescue herding dog) and had trained a few from when they were pups, so I figured I knew what I was getting into. I was ready to put in the work.
It became clear within a few weeks that B was going to need a lot more work than we anticipated. She completely went ballistic at the mere sight of other dogs and strangers (especially men) -- shrieking, squealing, barking, lunging, etc.. The more B became comfortable with us, the worse she was with others. Within the first month, B bit my sister's dog when we visited over the holidays (we tried to keep them separate, but there was one moment when sister's dog escaped...). She also bite my brother in law (who was trying too hard to be her friend...).
We quickly engaged a positive-reinforcement training program for reactive/aggressive dogs. After the 8 or so weekly sessions of that program, the trainer was basically like: this is the most anxious dog I've ever seen. She suggested that we keep B indoors at all times except to go out for potty and to exercise B indoors only (we lived in a 1100 squarefoot home). My husband and I were taken aback... we didn't really know what to do with this, though we knew we needed a new trainer, approach, etc., A couple weeks after that, our city basically completely shut down because of Covid (March 2020).
It took six months (August 2020) or so before we could really engage another trainer. We opted for a board and train due to covid social distancing plus B's need to socialize with other dogs, etc. . That trainer presented herself as a behaviorist to us (we've learned later that she isn't at all...). She put us on a very strict regiment (lots of crating, staying on place, less affection/pets). She introduced a combination of muzzle, gentle-leader with a prong and a sometimes also e-collar (insanity), and a gazillion other things. It was a lot. But, we embraced her approach. After a few months when we came back for more support, she basically said that we should get rid of B. We were gutted... after so much money and time to have the trainer basically say it was hopeless.
It took another 9 months or so before we decided to try another trainer (July 2021). As we began to socialize more (covid reopening), B had bit or tried to bite people in our home (after a few incidents, we ultimately just began to keep her in a crate upstairs when anyone comes into the house). And, outdoors reactivity was as bad as it ever was, etc. The new trainer focused on obedience with lots of treats and rewarding. He did ultimately suggest an e-collar as a failsafe. While we used it on the lowest settings in only very limited situations, my husband and I basically stopped using it because it didnt feel good. We spent hours each week devoted to B's training. She seemed happier. B began to focus on us in moments that she would normally she would have severe reactions. Things seemed to be going along fairly well. We even began to do courses with her (sniff work).
Meanwhile, I became pregnant. Realizing that we would need help during the birth and after, we tried to engage a dog walker to get to know her so we could have help. We worked for MONTHS with one dog walker who specialized in aggressive/reactive dogs. Meet-n-greets multiple times a week, etc., We never got to a point where he could independently enter our home and put a lead on her. Ultimately, during birth, he came and stayed at our house with her fully muzzled and with a lead on the entire time. We tried to engage him for a few months after to help, but after a level-2/3 bite-incident (she managed to pull her muzzle off somehow...), we decided to stop for everyone's safety.
We asked our vet for other options, and they suggested medication. So, we began medicating. We reached out to the rescue, and they basically told us that they wouldn't take her back. We then hired an actual real behaviorist (June 2022). The behaviorist tweaked her meds (at this point, she is so knocked out all the time, its sad... and she still has aggressive moments) but basically said that she was a fear-aggressive special needs dog and that there wasn't much more we could do than what we're already doing. She referred us to a dog-sitting/walking company set up to help people with complicated dogs (we worked with (and paid) them for several months before it was clear it was not going to actually get to a point where anyone there could take care of B). We even took her to a neurologist to see what we could learn about that, but they didnt find anything.
So, we just keep on continuing to make-it-work, but it really is incredibly stressful all the time, with a lot of strain on our marriage, honestly. Fortunately, she isn't aggressive towards the baby, but we are constantly worried that she will react to something else and trample her. Once she got resource-guardy with he over a crumb that fell on the ground, and now we are vigilant about keeping them apart when food is around... but baby is now walking and it is harder to keep them separate.
At the same time, we're basically trapped. We cannot go anywhere (like, to visit family who all live far), really... except for two options: (1) her former foster mom is occasionally available to dog sit or (2) a single no-touch kennel that we found (which honestly is pretty traumatic...). Both are an hour+ drive away. Recently, we had to visit my husband's mother and B was not welcome to come with us. Fortunately, the foster mom was available. However, and at one point she actually bit the foster mom (level 3 at least). Foster mom is fine with it, but... like, its not good. This is the ONE person besides my husband and I that B has generally been okay with. So, now I am worried: If B can bite the foster mom like that, my big concern now is that B can bite our baby that has now grown into a toddler.
B is my family. I do love her. She is a total goof and a snuggler and she is by my side most of the time. I am her person, you know. But, when I think of the next 10 years of her natural life and the first 10 years of my child's, it just doesn't match. I am constantly worried something will happen and someone will get seriously hurt. I simply do not have the time, energy or money to keep putting into her training as we did before having a baby. Its like living with a bomb and you keep tip toeing around it and hoping it will be okay, but maybe you accidentally bump into it one day and boom. Or the wind blows and boom. We've had several emergency-vet visits due to her hurting herself during more severe outbursts (torn dew claws, etc.).
So, internet strangers... I dont even know what Im looking for. I feel helpless, trapped. Thousands of dollars. Three different trainers. Multiple specialized dog walkers. Every training tool under the sun. We couldn't get extra support for her while dealing with an infant. It is hard to have friends or family over to our house. We can't travel anywhere (she cant really come with us, and we cant leave her with anyone). We now had countless no-touch bites, several level-2 bites and at least one level-three bite.
At this point, several of the people we've worked with with B have said that BE may make sense. Is this a BE situation? How far do you change your entire life and how long do you live in constant worry to keep a dog alive? Its been 3.5 years since we adopted her... and honestly I don't know how I'll survive another 3.5...
....
Edit to respond to some common comments:
I have connected with at least a dozen rescues in a three hour radius, including especially herding-specific ones. I also have been in touch with ACDRA, who we adopted her from originally. I have also posted on facebook pages for rehoming heelers (with full disclosure of her history). No one will take her.
We ultimately have taken what works from various trainers and left the rest behind. We do not use the e collar, and we very rarely use negative reinforcement techniques (such as a firm and low voiced “NO”). Our work with with her focuses on commands, redirection, confidence building, etc. We also have invested in various enrichment activities (puzzles, sniff work, etc.), but ultimately there are only so many "jobs" we can give her in a family home.
Finally, for those that have asked, BE is an acronym for Behavioral Euthanasia (euthanasia due to behavioral problems).
.