Does it EVER get better?

[samuel4christ]

My parents got me a Pom puppy for my birthday to help with my autism. I don’t like being looked at and I like being left alone but I’m alone usually all the time. They didn’t know he’s 13% American Eskimo and 11% chihuahua they just pictured a purse pet

ever since he’s been here at 3 months he’s been an absolute hyperactive overstimulated mess. I’ve done everything recommended to try to calm him down and keep him quiet.

He doesn’t really bark but he whines.. a lot. He whines if he can’t get to me when I’m working, if he’s in the car, pretty much for any reason. He whines if I try to spend time with my so too which makes it difficult.

Hes 9 months now. I was told many times oh at 6 he’ll be better.. at 8… at 9… he’s almost 10 months and he’s still constantly overstimulated, constantly hyperactive and constantly whining if he can’t immediately get what he wants.

Oh but I’ve ignored it! I’ve done relaxation protocol. I’ve trained him randomly in a down he just whines all the time doing it.

He won’t sleep outside his crate he will constantly stay moving so he has has to be tethered or in a play pen during work because either he’ll have an accident in the apartment or he will get into something.

I tried the wrap food in a towel puzzle but he tried eating the towel.

He figured out puzzle toys too fast and then chews apart the puzzle.

He just has so much energy despite walks and don’t get me started in that he knows heel but the second he’s outside I don’t exist. He kangaroo jumps at every person and I don’t like being seen so that’s insanely difficult for me. He has a gentle leader but he will whine and constantly try to take it off.

And like I said I have autism. I’m sensitive to constant high pitched noises and his whining is very high. And I just don’t have the energy to constantly deal with this.

I keep holding out for him calming down. I’ve done all the strict training I see online.

I can’t even get him to go into the balcony to pee on the fake grass during work without having to tell him 3-5 times to bathroom cause he will stretch and get distracted instead and I gotta do my job so uh.. yeah.

When will he start to calm down cause he’s just as hyperactive at almost 10 months as he was at 3-4. And I can’t afford daycare cause I’m poor I barely can take myself to the doctor

I get what my parents were trying to do but every age I keep being told he will calm down he doesn’t change at all… I love the little guy he’s just too much for my autism and my lack of energy.. don’t get me wrong he learns tricks really fast but he doesn’t learn leave it cause he always goes back to it and he doesn’t stop whining and it’s all demand whining. Ignoring it doesn’t lessen it

 

[eront]

@samuel4christ So, you know how as an autistic individual sometimes you lack the skills to do what's expected of you and that can get frustrating? That's kinda what's happening here. The whining is a result of a lack of skills, so of course ignoring it won't work because your puppy doesn't have the skills to do what you're wanting.

Calm isn't something that is grown into, calm is something that has to explicitly be taught and repeated. Sometimes the lack of calm is the sign the puppy isn't sleeping enough. Mental exercise can also help, and not puzzle toys but things where the dog has to actively solve a problem.

So, I'll cover a few issues here beyond that:

• Potty training: schedule. Don't tell him, take him out there. Do it on a set schedule so it's the same every day.
• Leave it: Leave it only is learned if you also prevent access after that. It's not something that you can just say and then expect to learn that leave it is forever. Proactive management must follow.
• Gentle leader: This is a sign that it hasn't been conditioned. You need to not use it and start over by ensuring that it's not bothering him, otherwise it's incorrect use and harmful. Conditioning takes about a month of slow exposure. Think exposure therapy for people who have texture sensitivity. Done right, it's stopped before there's any bad feelings, which the dog trying to get it off is a sign of bad feelings.
• Jumping on people: Can you keep a distance from people and reward focus on you in places he's likely to succeed?

 

[samuel4christ]

@eront For the jumping we’re in elevators so I can’t avoid proximity that’s a major problem. Outside sure I can go across the street or get away and it’s fine but he still darts everywhere.

As far as teaching calm I’ve been doing that. Place training and relaxation training etc and it doesn’t improve. The second he’s off he’s back to running apeshit. And he whines when he’s place training etc. I don’t know how to get rid of it cause just don’t know a logical way to train him not. I kept being told to ignore it or use a spray bottle or even get an e collar. So far I’ve tried the ignoring part.

For potty training he’s mandated times he had a schedule. He leaves the crate and goes out and comes back and spends 2 hours then back to crate to nap. But he whines in the crate if he sees us cuddling or eating or doing anything he has major fomo. If he’s out and we’re cuddling or doing something else he’s still whining at us there’s just no replacement for it so I don’t know how to stop him cause it doesn’t matter if I give him puzzles or toys or anything he always wants to be around us instead and I’d like time with my so you know?

He does have naps in the Crate throughout the day but he just watches us instead so his only real sleep is at night probably.

What kind of mental things could I give him outside of puzzle toys cause I tried the towel and his food and he tried to eat the towel and I tried hiding food under things etc and I’ll toss his kibble all over the floor so he has to sniff and find it (like a giant snuffle mat on top of his regular one)

But yeah mostly the whining is a major issue cause obviously I can’t be spending time with him constantly I want to spend time with my so and eat and also I have to work.

Oh and if we have food even if he’s eaten he will whine and bother us the entire time even if he’s tethered he will try to dash at us and whine in the crate if he’s in there…

He does stay calm and relax if he has a chew treat like the yak cheese he will stay chewing things but pig ears and cow ears don’t last long and the cheese is expensive

 

[eront]

@samuel4christ Can you hold him, or use the stairs?

As far as teaching calm I’ve been doing that. Place training and relaxation training etc and it doesn’t improve.

So, have you taught any duration to cues? Do you use a marker? If yes on the marker, try marking only when silent, preferably before the whining occurs. If you're moving too fast with your duration you will get whining.

In all reality, some dogs are just vocal. Shock collars, spray bottles etc aren't appropriate and will risk in greater problems. It would be better to rehome into a place that is more suited for him before doing that. Sometimes, the dog just isn't a good fit for the home and that's perfectly okay.

 

[samuel4christ]

@eront We’re on the 9th floor I really don’t have the energy with my car accident injury to go up and down 9 flights of stairs… and he’s 15 pounds and kinda big for me I’m tiny

I mean I couldn’t with how my family is. I keep holding out he will learn that whining gets him nothing. And for periods of time he does do it less. But when my so is over his excited is amped to the max and he whines all over again. Theyre working on relaxation protocol too but they’re not over all the time so that’s part of it

Right now he’s chewing the yak cheese under my work desk. If he was calm like this all the time and napped under my chair that would be perfectly fine cause I can work then. But without that chew he’s wandering and I gotta watch him and unfortunately my job is stupid busy.

So for the marker I’ve been having him go into a Down and if he whines I ignored it and when he’s quiet for a few seconds is when I’d give a treat. And he will sit there for an hour if need be and whine once and awhile but stay, which is amazing since when I got him he wouldn’t sit still for ten seconds.

If someone knocks on the door he goes crazy I’m pretty sure that’s just how dogs are though

He tries to lick my coffee table that’s the thing that I say leave it too, or when my sos cat was here he kept trying to chase the cat and leave it didn’t work so the cats at their place now but when they move in the cats coming too.. but neither are things I can just remove permanently

 

[eront]

@samuel4christ Perhaps you could adapt the place cue to the elevator. Could you carry a small placemat or something to help him build the skill?

Unfortunately, ignoring the whining isn't really addressing the skills and will often make matters worse for you, rather than better. Shifting gears is necessary.

Do know that if your family wants you to have the dog, you're still not required to keep the dog. Your autonomy is priority here, no matter what they say or do. If they really want the dog, they'll take the dog for a bit and/or help you pay for a trainer with IAABC accreditation. I'm autistic too and my new motto lately is "If you have something to say but aren't helping, the words and opinions don't matter."

 

[samuel4christ]

@eront Yeah.. I wish I could afford 2-3k for training I can barely afford much as it is… and his baby canine isn’t falling out so he may need that pulled too.

So what do you recommend I try to curb the whining since ignoring it doesn’t help like in the crate or when we’re eating or cuddling?

 

[eront]

@samuel4christ You may be able to find a trainer with IAABC accreditation who will charge per session that you can space sessions out for 6 weeks or so. But, I get it.

Honestly, the best thing to do is try to reduce it through acting before it happens where you can. If the pup is whining to interrupt something they see, try a chew in another room. Ditch the bowl entirely and start using all the food to entertain. Look into nosework with scents, and seek new novel things to do like sniff walks and play dates.

 

[samuel4christ]

@eront If it involves being around people I’m just not comfortable cause past experience. I did find the one trainer here that’s per session but she didn’t really help all that much with the whining.

The problem with the whining is it’s hard to catch before it because it’s constant. And it’s for everything. Literally any reason. It’s like:

Go into crate nap, Sees me and so cuddling =
Whines

Tethered,
Gets chew, Sees us eating =
Ignores chew to whine and try to get to us

At work=
Puppy in playpen whines trying to get to me

Also at work and letting him roam free =
Whines to get attention while working

Like that that’s how it happens

He did use to whine when i left for the bedroom to nap and lunch and he doesn’t do that anymore cause i ignored it, he still does when i go use the bathroom though sometimes

I’ll look into the scent nose park stuff. I just have one room aside from my bedroom and I have a bird in there so he’s always with me in the living room

 

[eront]

@samuel4christ IAABC accredited professionals largely do virtual, and they are specialized in behavior problems like this.

What happens if she can't see you? Things like crate covers?

 

[samuel4christ]

@eront He’s quiet if he’s covered, but it doesn’t stop when he’s out. We were trying to get him used to seeing us during the day in the crate cause when he’s not having his mandated naps eventually we want him to be used to not always being able to get to us but he doesn’t seem to pick up on it

Hmm I’ll look into online options the ones I mostly saw use ecollars