1.5 y/o prospective service golden retriever doesn't comfort me when sad

[phit4lyfe]

My 1.5 years old golden retriever doesn't seem to notice when I'm sad. Her behavior is indifferent and doesn't seem to acknowledge or care when I cry. I thought goldens are supposed to be sweet and comforting? Or is it because she's still too young to understand? ( I know they mentally mature at 3)

I wanted her to be my psychiatric service dog but I'm not sure if it's still doable if she doesn't acknowledge my feelings at all. She knows deep pressure therapy on command but doesn't know that's supposed to help me feel better or the fact that I need her to comfort me.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@phit4lyfe Psych work is one of the more challenging types of work you can ask a dog to do. Teaching a dog how to open your fridge, or help put on your sock is actually relatively simple (not that I'm saying dogs who do these services are "easy" to train, just that doing a task on command is different than alerting to a psychiatric condition). Some dogs who could do physical service tasks just fine are largely incapable of doing psych work for various reasons.

Goldens are known for being good family dogs since they're typically good natured and eager to please. However, that doesn't mean they can read or understand complex human emotions.

 

[pazuzil]

@phit4lyfe Training a dog to do specific commands as part of routine to become a service animal and wanting them to be empathetic to your needs are different. If she’s doing deep pressure therapy it’s because she’s been trained to look for cues that alert her to do the thing she’s been trained to do. While on some level she does recognize it makes you feel better, she doesn’t feel human emotion about it. Not all dogs are comfort dogs, and many dogs show comfort in ways that might not be the way we desire to feel it.

I also have a 1.5 year old and he does not come and comfort me when I’m upset. He doesn’t touch me or lick me or try to cuddle. However I have noticed he lies down in the same room and is quiet and watchful. Occasionally he will come lay near my feet, but not touching. I do think as the years go on our relationship will evolve and change. Maybe his response will look different as he gets older, maybe it won’t. Honestly if you want a specific reaction to a certain behavior, I would treat it like any other training exercise. If you want her to sit with you and get pets when you’re crying, then have a special treat available and give it to her when you need her to be still and close.

 

[phit4lyfe]

@pazuzil I've read somewhere that dog being quiet and watchful is a way of caring for you too. Unfortunately mine doesn't lol. She's her usual annoying self and sometimes bark for attention

 

[brentley4u]

@phit4lyfe Very interesting topic as I’ve always had dogs indifferent to my feelings. I always thought they were taught to comfort and not naturally coming to me when I was feeling down.

 

[stilllearning]

@brentley4u I’m with you. I have two dogs, one cuddle bug and one independent loner. Neither is likely to spend time with someone that’s sad unless they are going to sadly take them on a long walk.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@phit4lyfe Have you talked to a trainer that specializes in psychiatric service dogs?

 

[phit4lyfe]

@imagebeastmarkbeast No I haven't. Do you have recommendations or know where to look for one?

 

[phit4lyfe]

@imagebeastmarkbeast I think I know the concepts of training her but I thought dogs would automatically know humans emotions and provide comfort

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@phit4lyfe I believe there’s a service dog sub that might have some trainer resources. Some dogs are naturally more “empathetic”, but your dog is also young so I don’t know that I would consider washing her yet if she’s responding to the obedience training side of things.

 

[tgia413]

@phit4lyfe How long have you had her?

Dogs learn commands easily enough, but it might take her longer to learn your specific emotional responses and how you want her to react.

 

[phit4lyfe]

@tgia413 I've had her since she was 8 weeks old

 

[dochoitinhduc]

@phit4lyfe This is interesting, I just so happen to have a dog that reacts to the sound of heavy breathing, crying sounds, and sniffling. At first I thought it was the crying itself, which was super adorable when she was 4 months old. However, it turns out that she is freaked out and concerned about the sound of harsh breathing and whimpering. As a result, she nudges, whines, and paws. Aggressively.
After I found this out, I rewarded her for that behavior. It still freaks her out, but now you have to keep her from jumping on you when she hears you crying (or even working out!)
What I can suggest is that you teach her a command like laying her head on your leg, and the cue would be a crying-like sound. Once your pup learns that, she will/may become very responsive! As people were saying, teaching a dog to react to emotion is very difficult but commands and tricks can be taught with simple mock-situations.
And remember, your pup loves you! She just doesn’t understand all the people stuff. None of my dogs have, and thats ok. Any dog can learn new tricks, though!

 

[phit4lyfe]

@dochoitinhduc That's really cute! Idk i just always thought dogs know humans emotions so am a little disappointed. I mean yeah I can teach her commands to come but it would've been super sweet if she just knows and comes

 

[dochoitinhduc]

@phit4lyfe I thought that for a long time until I had gotten my pomeranian who would literally peace out when I was emotional. Terrible best friend . Your pup is also still young, she may become more in tune with you as she gets older and can focus a little better. Struggling with my 1.5yo as well lol

 

[theinvisible]

@phit4lyfe My life experience with dogs is that some Great Danes and many Boxers are very empathetic. Don't know about other breeds.

One question for you - when you need comfort do you go to them?

Using the word Comfort when you are hugging them and saying comforting words to them starts their neural pathways to helping. But some dogs are more empathetic than others. So it's not a guarantee but I recommend trying it.

Source: Lifelong PTSD, Anxiety and it feels like dogs have saved my life.