Please just be honest with me

[dardan]

Is it even possible to rehome my reactive dog. I just need someone to be brutally honest because I’ve been trying for over 8 months and I just feel like theres no hope, The rescue I got her from cannot take her back even though it says it in our contract, they’re full with dogs and only have 2 fosters who are unavailable. I’ve been trying on my own and nothings working I feel like I’m trapped. I just want her to go to a great home, sure I could drop her off at any random shelter but I know she wouldn’t survive. I just cant do that to her.

I’m so sad for her and I’m so sad for me because the reason I even have to rehome is my own medical issues, meaning the longer she stays with me the more my health deteriorates. I just want someone to take this dog and give her a great life and Im failing so hard. I feel so desperate and anxious about all this, I’m in two types of therapy to help me deal with this situation and I still feel overwhelmed and highly stressed. I need help, what can I do??? Am I fighting a losing battle here, are there people willing to take reactive dogs and if not what are my options to avoid a shelter….. ? I just cannot keep this dog for another year or even 6 more months like my health will not make it.

her description: 1 year 7 months old, 55 poundsish, Black lab/american bulldog mix

edit: My health issues directly correlate with her unfortunately. Her bark triggers my Misophonia badly to where I have severe panic attacks every time she barks. I have been living with it for a year and I just cant take it anymore, waking up everyday knowing I’m going to have severe panic attacks over something I cant control is torture

heres what she looks like

 

[aservantofthelord]

@dardan Even if the rescues won't take her, ask if they'll list her on their website, let you come to any adoption events, and help you vet potential adopters. This wouldn't cost them anything, but it would help you immensely. Hopefully one of them will help you.

What kind of reactivity does she have? Does she just bark at dogs or people? Has she displayed any aggression or have a bite history? As long as she isn't aggressive to people, you should be able to find a home for her.

 

[dardan]

@aservantofthelord I will try that!! She is mostly reactive to strangers. More specifically strange men but strangers nonetheless. Her bark can sound aggressive but her dog trainer explained to me that she is more so fearful not generally aggressive . She has no bite history, and she DOES warm up to people after she gets to know them, but in general shes just a fearful dog. She plays with dogs every few days at doggy daycare and loves it.

 

[kittyc]

@dardan Per this description I agree with the other comment that this is absolutely a rehomable dog. Definitely keep looking at breed rescues, get her posted on Rescue Me and Petfinder with the best pictures you can take. Dogs playing with toys are more attractive to adopters. If you can get a pic or video of her playing with other dogs at daycare that will help a lot. Ask the daycare place if you can post a flyer about her near where people do pickups--someone who has a dog with Separation Anxiety may need a canine buddy who is already friends with your pup. Be specific about her reactivity in your description--it's fear based, no bite history, only toward novel humans (mostly men), can make friends with new people if given time to get over her fear.

In all likelihood your mental health being poor is probably exacerbating her fear issues in the same way that her issues are exacerbating yours. It's neither your fault or her fault. But if she gets a human who can help her coregulate a little better she may turn out to be less reactive. I have been doing ketamine therapy for cPTSD/anxiety/depression the last few months and I think my improved emotional stability is helping my Disaster Dog to be better regulated, more resilient, and less fearful. It's subtle at first but improving owner mental health will compound over time. If you want to learn more about helping your dog coregulate, Kathy Kawalec's Brilliant Partners Academy is an online course that I am really enjoying. It sounds like you may be too deep in crisis mode for this though and you just need to get her placed so you can get yourself into a better state. Don't feel guilty for that. You are doing your best, just like your dog is.

You can do this.

 

[dardan]

@kittyc thank you so much, for the advice and the encouragement it really means alot to me I definitely believe my anxiety/misophonia contributes alot to her anxiety. I do feel alot of guilt about it, I try not to. I know She just needs a confident owner who is able to be calm and collected during training . I’m going to do my best to apply everyones advice

 

[leumas]

@dardan I just want to say as someone who has had and recovered from misophonia that I only half-jokingly considered adopting out my human children during that experience! The poor kids eventually learned not to make triggering vocalizations as I was having melt-downs and outbursts when they’d forget. That’s an intense condition. I’m hopeful you have greater peace and ease in you near future and it’s so sweet that you’re holding space for this pup at such expense to yourself.

 

[dardan]

@leumas thank you so much any amount of encouragement really does keep me going. The guilt and shame that comes with rehoming can be really lonesome

 

[leumas]

@dardan I’m really glad you reached out here! Hoping you’ll find these resources helpful in getting your dog a new spot. You’re doing your best. There’s no shame in that.

 

[asudhaka]

@dardan She's rehomeable, even if you end up having to drop her off at a shelter she doesn't sound worse than many other cases they may have. Try advertising her to single/couples sans kids, who like a reserved dog don't be afraid to let people in the ad know she's a scaredy cat, it may attract people who have experience with pups like her. Best of luck to you op, this sounds very hard on you, but know you're doing what you can and that effort itself is meaningful

 

[ferrchu]

@asudhaka Please don't drop her off at the shelter. Unfortunately in many shelters a bully mix is like a death sentence, they have a hard time getting adopted out

 

[asudhaka]

@ferrchu She didn't look super bully tbh, I think they can get away with rehoming her. I was expecting something less lab/collie

 

[ferrchu]

@dardan Honestly these reactivity issues do not sound bad, and will probably lessen once she becomes more confident and comfortable. She is so cute. I bet you can find her a good home if you post on Facebook, Instagram, tiktok, the sub for the city you live in, ask at doggy daycare to post a flyer or if anybody wants her, put flyers at the dog park, spread the news far and wide and post cute pics. Always charge an adoption fee, like $50 or something because there are people out there who do awful things to animals.

 

[elaine202]

@dardan My dog was a rescue and I was warned she was reactive. My cuddle bug is a big squishy sweetheart to me and horrible with new people. If she didn’t hate other dogs I’d take on another rescue but she’s very very scared of other dogs and acts aggressive with them. If my baby could find me, yours can find someone else

 

[amhjunior]

@dardan Probably not as helpful, but just to let you know I have a collie lab mix that has pretty much the same issues, and she has a very healthy set of lungs that can send my partner on edge really badly. Not quite panic attack, but he really struggles for a while after she has a loud bark, especially because she doesn't often growl as a warning.

I can't help much about rehoming, but in the meantime, for your own health, invest in some ear plugs or defenders. Also, how much stimulation is the dog getting a day? Mine is much less likely to bark if she is tired out. She is a collie cross, so it takes a lot, but it makes a huge difference. She has also got a lot better as she has got older, but I do understand why you can't keep living like this, it's bloody hard.

If she is a particularly mouthy dog, you could train her to get a teddy whenever something triggers her. My mother in law's dog does this and her barks are muffled when she does, which makes a big difference (and it is very cute).

You also may benefit from getting a dog sitter who might be able to take her for a day a week or something, just to help you diffuse. Maybe a relative, or a trainer who is good with nervous dogs? You need to lower your stress levels, which won't happen when you're this heightened.

Also, don't feel bad. Sometimes the home just isn't the right one for that dog, and that's ok, so these are all just suggestions to make your situation a bit easier till you find the right home. xxx

 

[epythymy]

@dardan I don't have any advice but I do have a virtual hug for you and her. it sounds like such a hard situation and that you have really tried to care for her but your mental health is such that you just don't have it in you at this point. please try to be kind to yourself. I hope some of the advice above helps you both.

 

[dardan]

@epythymy thank you sm

 

[matveyk]

@dardan What kind of dog? Have you looked into a professional trainer? Sorry you’re going through that

 

[dardan]

@matveyk Black labrador/ american bulldog mix mostly. and Yes she has a trainer she’s been working with since she was 4 months old

 

[rogstahjunior]

@dardan Your trainer it's good, then. What is their suggestion for your situation? What do they do with your dog?

 

[voraces]

@dardan What breed of dog?