My dog is constantly anxious and it makes my own anxiety so much worse

[eriksun]

I have a 5 y/o lab/husky mix who is VERY needy. She has virtually no independence and is only happy when I take her on walks/runs or when she is getting fed or loved on, which I obviously can't do all day long. Otherwise she acts depressed and anxious. She follows me everywhere I go and stares at me with the sad puppy eyes, and yawns/shakes off constantly, which is a sign of stress. When I am busy or away, she just sleeps.

She has a lot of toys- ropes, balls, stuffed animals, chews, bones, food puzzles, but hardly ever plays with them, and when she does, I have to try really hard to get her excited about them. Most of the time she will just continue to stare at me.

She LOVES to play outside but I don't have a fenced yard at the moment so I can't let her off leash, and she doesn't do well with dogs she doesn't know, so I can't take her to the dog park. I used to work at a doggy daycare that had a large fenced yard that I could play fetch with her in, but was fired 6 months ago, so she doesn't get very much off leash time anymore. The only exercise she gets is when I run/walk her, which is usually 5-8 hours per week (mostly running).

I'm trying really hard to give her everything that she needs to be a happy dog, but it just never seems to be enough, which makes me feel guilty, and that I'm a horrible dog parent. She is supposed to be my therapy pet for my anxiety and depression, but lately she has just been making it worse and I don't know what else I can do.

Please, any advice/suggestions, would be greatly appreciated. I am desperate here.

 

[hgfdfvnjjjjjjjjggff]

@eriksun Do you work on any training or mental stimulation? You've got a remarkably smart combo with the lab and husky, maybe she'll feel more fulfilled if you work on training for some new tricks or skills (like "place", etc) for 10 minutes at a time several times a day. You can reward her with praise, bits of kibble, tiny training treats, toys, or even Cheerios, depending on what drives her. The added bonus for this is when she is being too clingy you can send her to her place so that both of you can break the mental cycle of anxiety for a bit. Try not to rile her up too much for this because it seems like she has three main mental states: excited stimulation and sleep, and she doesn't know what to do the rest of the time so she defaults to her third state of anxiety. Try to develop in her another state of focused, but not overly excited, concentration and mental stimulation.

As far as the food puzzles, is she simply not food-motivated, or is it possible that the food inside isn't a high-value reward to her? Have you tried a Kong filled with peanut butter and frozen, or some higher-value small training treats in the food puzzles instead of kibble? If she likes to chew try bully sticks (dried bull/elk/deer penis) they don't smell so fresh but I think my pup would jump out of our third-story window if he thought that would earn him one of those... You can freeze those, too, if you try them and she just blasts through them instantly.

You said she doesn't like dogs she doesn't know, but do you know of any dogs she likes? Do you have any friends with dogs that you could possibly offer to watch for them and bring that pup over for playtime and see if the distraction of another dog around helps to burn off energy or mellow her out?

Lastly, try not to put too much pressure on yourself or on her. You two might be in an anxiety-spiral where you're both feeding off of that energy from each other (especially because you said she sleeps when you're busy or gone, so maybe her anxiety isn't so crippling all the time), you might try some deep breathing when she's staring at you (in for a count of four, out for a count of four, repeat 5 times, it is totally bananas, it takes advantage of a vagus nerve response and drops my heart rate by 15-20 BPM in the span of 30 seconds). See if your calmer state has any impact on her.

Bottom line, you're going to get some good suggestions here and you can get something figured out, stay positive.

 

[eriksun]

@hgfdfvnjjjjjjjjggff For food puzzles, she has one of those wobbly food dispenser toys that I use to feed her meals. It usually only takes her 20-30 minutes to get all of it though. Better than nothing, but still doesn't keep her occupied long enough. I have done frozen kongs filled with kibble and peanut butter too. I'm just a little wary on feeding her too many treats because she's a few pounds overweight and I don't want to make it worse. When training I usually just use her kibble and maybe some bits of chicken. The 10 minutes of mental exercises sounds like a good idea! She is very food motivated.

As far as socializing goes, I don't have any friends that live close by that have dogs that she gets along with. She loves visiting my parents house and playing with their dogs, and they have a big property for her to run on, but they live 2 hours away so I can't get down there as often as I would like.

Should I get her a friend? I mean, I really want another dog, but my current living situation doesn't really allow it at the moment. I am looking for other housing options for the upcoming fall, so should I find something that will allow for a second dog, or just look for roommates that also have dogs? I am a senior in college so I don't have the most free time or money, plus I work (although it's at a vet clinic so I can take my dog with me). I'm kind of torn on the matter.

 

[hgfdfvnjjjjjjjjggff]

@eriksun

Should I get her a friend?

I thought about suggesting this, but thought better of it because if it is by chance a psychological dynamic that is a cycle between the two of you that needs to be broken, I am wary about bringing another dog into the mix who might either make things worse for all of you, or who might being negatively influenced by her anxiety vibes and cause a whole different set of problems. You pretty much never want to bring a new dog into a home that has unresolved behavior/stress issues. I thought a friend-dog could be a test-run, though.

Have you asked coworkers at the clinic their opinion? You don't necessarily have to add in your own anxiety/depression if you don't want to share that, but describe her behavior and see if they might have some ideas.

I would definitely start with the training exercises at least every couple of hours that you're around her. I would teach her to go to her "place" like a towel or her bed first in case she starts trying to bug you for training/treat sessions, that way you can send her there, toss her a treat, and teach her to relax in that spot when you send her there. There are lots of videos on youtube that'll show you how to teach "place" pretty quickly.