My dog hates me, help please.

[unknown404]

Hi all,

In November of last year my wife and I rescued a dog from a high kill shelter. This came a month after our 18 year old cat passed away. For context, we have 2 other cats still alive(18,16). 

 When we brought her home, she immediately seemed refuge in the crate we got for her which seemed normal since she had been through what was probably a traumatizing few days(surrendered to shelter, trucked 9 hours to our local shelter and same day placed into our home). So we gave her some space and tried to let her settle in for a few days by feeding her right outside the crate, giving her treats and trying to show love from outside her place of comfort. It took her 8 days to feel comfortable enough to poop! 

 A month later she was still spending 99% percent of her time in the crate and wouldn’t come out to spend time with us. So, at that time we decided to get another dog to give her animal companionship and show her that she can trust us and love us. We got a male puppy and he couldn’t be anymore different than her. He is outgoing, loves people and is a happy go lucky goofball who is a pure lover. They get along well now although she loves to steal his bones and play victim lol.

After some acclimation time, something clicked in her head and she started coming out of the crate and spending time with my wife when I was not there. At the time I was just happy she felt comfortable enough with someone to allow them to hold her be somewhat normal.

I should mention, all this while ,she refuses to go to the bathroom outside, as anytime we try to take her out, all she does is try to run away from us and has backed out of the 3 strap harness we got for her. It’s like the ground is lava, yet what she uses to go to bathroom on inside our house is a 2 foot x 2 foot patch of natural grass that we found online. And our other dog has been trained to ring a doorbell when he wants to go outside to use facilities and he has been excellent with that.

Flash forward to present day, and she still wants nothing to do with me. If I am home alone she will stay in her crate until my wife comes home from work. My wife and I have been sleeping in 2 separate bedrooms (one sleeps in our bedroom with our cats, other sleeps in spare bedroom with dogs, we rotate every 4 days) for 2 months and she will sleep with me throughout the night on the bed next to me, but if I move to pet her she runs away and jumps off.

We are able to get her outside for walks but they are short and purely so she can relieve herself and get back to comforts of inside the house. She will still try to run away and back out of harness if we try to deviate at all from the route she wants to take. She has gotten out twice and both times ran to our front porch and waited for whoever was with her to catch up and let her in. She is obsessed with my wife which I am very happy about, but shakes when I get near her. It’s hard to continue to show love with little to zero reciprocation from her nearly 6 months into this. I don’t understand how she can feel comfortable enough to sleep with her body touching mine but shake the second I try to pet her.

If anyone has any suggestions on how I can earn her full trust I would greatly appreciate any and all.

Tl;Dr
After 6 months my dog shakes when I try to pet her, but loves my wife, also thinks ground is lava and hates outside.

Thank you in advance for any advice.

 

[inhizeyez]

@unknown404 This is so sad. She can feel what your feeling. Maybe find love for her, quirks and all. She been seriously abused. They have memories. When she's scared of a situation, walk away from it. Go at her speed only. She knows where she's safe otherwise she would run far far away. Patience. That's all. And lots of love and cuddles when you can.

 

[kretyen001]

@unknown404 It can take time… it took my one dog YEARS to overcome her fear of men.. as hard as it is let her come to you.. don’t reach for her or look directly at her.. she’ll come around on her own time

 

[anzaya]

@unknown404 I also have had some experience working through being fearful on walks (I'm not an expert but I've dealt with it with my fosters and helped them work through it). DM me if you want to talk.

 

[faithlife]

@unknown404 Treats and reward every single time she approaches you or allows you to pet her.

 

[gerian]

@faithlife And more treats and rewards after she gets those

 

[anzaya]

@unknown404 I recently fostered a dog from Mexico for almost 7 months and have a current senior foster dog who bites and is scared of touch, so I feel you. It can take time and it's hard work. Re slipping out of her harness - our foster organization insists on two points of connection for all rescued dogs (two leashes, one on a martingale collar and one on a good fitting harness). This should help avoid her slipping out. I'm not a behavioral expert, but in my limited experience lots of positive reinforcement through treats, enrichment etc and maybe you can try being her primary care giver (you feed her, you walk her, your play and prove the enrichment)? Other than that, patience and love and empathy but it sounds like you're doing a great job. Also, poor thing. Who knows what her life was like.

 

[yuli]

@unknown404 She needs time but it may also be a good idea to talk to a vet about long term anxiety meds

 

[3rdeye]

@unknown404 ask your vet about a dog behaviorist. sounds like your dog might have been abused by a male. so sad. maybe anti-anxiety med? my dog is on a little Prozac and it has made a huge difference in his behavior.