My boyfriend hates how much I love our dogs

[jade2541]

So about 3-4 months back my boyfriend and I had got our first puppy together and she moved across the country with us. After getting her trained we got another puppy to keep her company. My boyfriend knew before we got our first dog that I have loved dogs my whole life. My dad and I both have always shared a love for dogs. So when getting our first puppy it was like all my dreams came true. Before we got her though and when i was buying things for her that’s when some problems started. He was saying I’m too obsessed when I should be focusing on other things, that I talked about her too much etc. we also had sat down and talked about what our ideas were for training. He said he was raised by hitting dogs when they were bad or pooped and peed in the house, leaving them in their crates for 8 hours or even a little more sometimes. I told him that under no circumstances will he ever hit our dogs. That they don’t understand why you’re doing that to them and that i will not leave them in crates for that long either. That’s when things started to get worse. He had spanked our first puppy for pottying in the house and scared her bad. I lost my mind on him and made him stop and swear to never do that again especially since she already has anxiety. So again he would start to say I’m too obsessed, i let our dogs control my life, i shouldn’t have to wake up in the morning to let them go potty that they need to wait, to not talk about them anymore and so on and so forth. Ever since we got our dogs our relationship has went way downhill because i take my training seriously with them and i love them so much. We fight almost everyday now over the dogs. Everyone else thinks they’re super well behaved and he disagrees. He thinks they need to be spanked more. But he knows I won’t let that happen. I never thought I’d be with someone who would hate such a major part of who I am. I’ve always loved dogs and that will never change. I really love my boyfriend, we’ve been together awhile & we’re about to close on a house together in a few weeks. Idk if im being dramatic and i really am too obsessed or if i should be rethinking my relationship?

 

[genemz]

@jade2541 Girl please leave him. He sounds like a child. Hitting dogs? You think that’s ok?

 

[jade2541]

@genemz I do not think that’s okay! After that one time that happened I have never let it happen again because i said I will leave. He hates it. He thinks I don’t discipline them enough. Thanks for your response though, I guess I just wanted to know if I was being crazy or if I was actually right that his thinking is f’d up. He was never like this until our dogs. Sucks

 

[princyg]

@jade2541 Geez. Hope you weren’t planning on kids. It sounds a bit like you need to choose… He probably thought you’d get a dog that’s like an ornament, just sort of looks pretty…

 

[jade2541]

@princyg Yeah I’ve said sort of the same thing to him before about kids & he says that dogs and kids aren’t the same and that it would be different. I feel like I talk in circles all the time now. I’m trying to find a compromise but it’s starting to feel like an ultimatum too. And at that point idk what to do. You’re supposed to never give up on your dogs. So i don’t think I could do that to my dogs

 

[vespertinus]

@jade2541 You have different points of views and he says stuff to make you feel bad about it. He makes it as a flaw of yours instead of talking about the issue at hand.
That's a huge red flag for your relationship.

In addition to the obvious red flag of hitting dogs.

So might be good to reconsider being with him. You need someone who cares about making things work between you, not someone who blames you for being yourself and having your own opinions.

 

[agapebondservant]

@jade2541 Positive reinforcement training is the way to go. Smack him when he’s done something bad then ask if he’s learned anything, maybe that will be a last ditch revelation for him that those ways have long since been disproven to be effective. That he’s gaslighting you is another red flag on top of the others. I understand its hard but you absolutely need to leave him. How people treat animals is a pretty good indicator of who they are and how they tend to raise things (e.g. think of how he would regard raising children as well). They know they can get away with it and imo that’s just scummy behaviour. Don’t let him compromise your love, he knew what he was getting into and if that don’t jive then it won’t be successful cause both of you have complete opposite ways of leading, in which case it sounds like he isn’t willing to compromise, learn, nor even bother to understand you or where you’re coming from. So not only does he disrespects and disregards the doggos, but he also disrespects and disregards you. You’re not being dramatic and I’m sure you’ve given it lots of chances. When I was breaking free from a toxic relationship, my best friend/cheesy AF guardian angel helped me out of that situation, but I had to be the one to step away. The whole day, whenever I was losing my courage or doubting if what I was doing was right, she would just say “you just gotta pull the trigger”

I did and it was the best decision of my life. You just gotta pull the trigger and do whatever you need to to break free (SAFELY! Do not trust anyone to not lose their shit… I’ve made that mistake) as well as cope with all the time stolen from you. But you can get through this. And there are for sure healthier/happier avenues than this. Don’t let this guy spoil your love for animals and turn into something unnecessarily traumatic please!!