Is your dog affecting your decision to have kids?

[dlmoodyfan]

@dr650adv I’m glad you go over this. Our dog’s touch reactivity (her only human trigger) started after a back injury and subsequent chronic pain. Part of why she’s unpredictable is, like anyone with chronic pain, she still has bad pain days even if most are good days on meds. Anyways, that to say we couldn’t have known before adopting. BUT, I also volunteer at a shelter and it makes me so mad the way they sugar coat and gloss over the struggles and commitment of a reactive dog. They will limit adopters to no kids if appropriate but I can’t imagine anyone giving that solid warning about thinking not just what your life will be now but what it will be in 15 years.

 

[dr650adv]

@dlmoodyfan Pain is such a common factor in behavioral issues. It’s so hard to not know how dogs are feeling.

I fostered for small conservative rescues as well as massive, open-intake shelters with a “yes” policy toward all potential adopters. I understand the pressure on shelters to not deter anyone from adopting any dog they’re interested in, but as a foster I always gave full disclosure if I knew a dog was especially nervous about kids. The stakes are high for everyone involved.

It’s good that you are thinking this through.

 

[seraph159]

@dlmoodyfan Yes! We are 26 and have two reactive dogs. We decided to not have kids in their lifetime. By the time they pass, I will probably no longer be able to have biological children. So we decided that we will adopt after!

 

[gloveanlee]

@dlmoodyfan I adopted a 4 year old 85lbs female Plott Hound and Mastiff mix who is extremely reactive and has a strong prey drive about 5 months ago without much thought of the consequences. She has spent most of her life in the same shelter and I'm a bleeding heart who is single with little responsibility. I have been coming to terms with the fact that I can't date single parents because of her high prey drive. I simply can't trust her around children even when supervised. And if I do meet someone and we decide to start a family then it will have to be after her passing. As much as I might want a child, I already have one. I made a commitment to take care of a life when I saw her in that kennel and I can't bring myself to rehome her, even if I could find someone willing to take her. Just like I wouldn't rehome my hypothetical human child if they didn't get along with my new one. That's just my personal choice. As long as you can ensure that your pup has a happy and healthy life that is what's important.

 

[jalopy83]

@gloveanlee I wish more people had a level head like yours

 

[takeonme]

@dlmoodyfan I have thought about it a lot with my dog. He can handle infants, because they don't really move, but once they start crawling, he is not cool with anyone until they're about 28. He has tolerated some friends' very well behaved, quiet children. But he was on leash the whole time. It feels awful not giving him trust to be a good boy, but I also feel bad that he feels unsafe at any time when I am there to protect him.

In my experience with friends who have kids and either my dog was around them, or they had a reactive dog, it is possible to make it work. Lots of education of the children on proper behavior around dogs, slow introduction to the baby, letting your dog smell all the baby's things, and be a part of your pregnancy so he feels like the baby is his to look after as well, and tons of baby gates, with only supervised time together.

My dog surprised me last summer and was obsessed with being around my ex's infant nephew. Anytime we went to their house, my boy was smelling the baby and wanted to be right there. He even showed concern when the baby cried. I was pregnant at the time, and he could definitely tell. It felt like he was trying to show me that he is really a good boy, and was going to be a good big brother. Unfortunately, my pregnancy was not viable, so I don't have more experience to share on that front. But I do feel like there are ways to keep everyone safe and happy. My boy loves baby bok choy as a high value treat that is low in calories. I often have pieces of that to give to him when I want him to learn certain people are safe. I have also introduced him to baby animals I fostered briefly by using a muzzle and having him smell them closely, putting them back in their cages, and removing the muzzle and giving him a reward.

I understand your concern, and you are not alone. We adopt these babies to provide them with a safe and loving home, and adding on to the family can feel like we aren't respecting their needs. It is not an easy decision. The best thing I can say after all of the verbiage is that you are not alone.

 

[dike]

@dlmoodyfan NOPE! I was very child free before I got 3 reactive dogs. I have these dogs in part because I'm child free and will have a safer, calmer environment for them.

 

[dlmoodyfan]

@dike Yeah when we used to be a lot more on the child-free side and the running joke was that I get to adopt 2 dogs for every one child I don’t have. But I STILL have to wait in that account because I trust my dog less around other dogs than kids. This damn dog… jk I love her.

 

[dike]

@dlmoodyfan I get it. We had a real mismatch with a couple dogs, both at the Bridge now, where one was in end of life/hospice care after being run over by a truck (brain damage, migraines maybe, seizures? idiopathic rage, something) and the Leader of the Pack didn't like that dog's unpredictability, aside from resource guarding my husband. Crate and Rotate has been my way of life since I brought my dog home and it was hardly my first time with it, just the first time my own dog (who resource guards me in a low-key way) was part of the equation.

 

[thedwarf]

@dlmoodyfan It should be factored into decision making, yes.

 

[anon95]

@dlmoodyfan Our dog is mostly leash and dog reactive so a bit of a different situation. Although she had in the past growled at one of my nieces when they went near her food (we basically never had her around the kids after that). I would very much consider if your dog is still reactive to you. Our dog has always been fine with us. There is an Instagram account dogmeets_baby that was really helpful for us. Lots and lots of gates at first. They call it “baby tv”, the dog gets comfortable being in its own space seeing the baby. Then eventually a careful intro. Even though our dog has shown no aggression towards our son she is never left in a room alone with him and he’s not allowed to be rough or climb on her or anything like that. She has her own room where we feed her and she sleeps and he’s not allowed in there (child proof door knob).

 

[jimmy8506]

@dlmoodyfan I'm literally up late at night searching this subreddit for people who have had young kids/pregnancy to weigh my options. What are the odds lol. me and my partner are young (21 and 24), but we are 100% we want kids within the next few years, and we have a 90lbs highly reactive doberman mix. The plan is to wait until he passes away (he's 6), but I worry about what if my birth control messes up. I don't think I would want to choose abortion but the other option could result in his death.

 

[lightofaquarius]

@dlmoodyfan Hi OP just wanted to say you’re not alone in feeling this way. I’m 33 years old and feel like we need to start trying for a baby. My dog is a 10 year old, 20 pound fur ball. He’s very healthy so we could possibly have another 9 years with him, which I’m very grateful for. I can’t imagine possibly rehoming him. He’s overall a good dog but reacts very poorly for children/babies. He will lunge and bark at them when he sees them outside. I’m always too afraid to have friends bring their kids around. I think part of the problem is that my dog is a little possessive over me. The only advice I can give is to start working with a trainer. That’s what our plan is.

 

[dancingwithgod85]

@dlmoodyfan Dogs are full time commitment and responsibilities and you should have thought about that when you got the dog it's nots the dogs fault but they are the ones that have to pay the price for being what they are they have rights also

 

[dlmoodyfan]

@dancingwithgod85 Well someone as astute as you can clearly tell from the tone of my post that I’m blaming this all on my dog () and putting zero thought about her wellbeing into this decision.

 

[adislov]

@dancingwithgod85 The OP is clearly putting the dog first and taking this decision really seriously, they reach out for advice, and you want to shame them? This is such a sad response.

 

[obadimu]

@dlmoodyfan Good on you for thinking about it ahead of time. Too many people think it will all be fine once it happens. And sometimes it is! And sometimes it’s not and you have to make hard decisions, and if you’re lucky and smart, those happen before some kind of incident.

 

[flibbleflob]

@dlmoodyfan Hey OP, i recently turned 33 so i’m very much in the same boat and it’s something i’ve been thinking about a lot recently. Me and my bf have both been on the fence about kids, for many reasons, but our super reactive dog does play a part into it. We were actually discussing this yesterday and he said the dog would get used to the baby, but i’m not willing to take that risk. I also couldn’t forgive myself if we had to BE. So, we always said we’d have kids later in life if we decided to. (Mid-late 30s) however it’s approaching that age and my dog is 8 so he could live another 10 years, and i don’t want to be having kids in my 40s. it’s a really complicated, tricky decision. There’s a lot of reasons i’m against having kids anyway.. health issues that could be passed on, financial and ultimately me and my bf still feel mentally in our 20s. But, sometimes i think what if i’m just using these as excuses to myself and our dog is the main thing impacting my decision? We are looking into potentially freezing eggs in the next few years if we decide we definitely want to have kids, because it’s important to remember there’s also a clock for women which makes it all the more unfair.

 

[lightofaquarius]

@flibbleflob Hi, are you me? I’m also 33 and stressing about the same thing. I have a 20 lb dog that is very possessive of me and has reacted poorly to children when he’s seen them. I also feel like I’m at the point where we need to start trying but I am so stressed out about my dog not liking the baby. I love him so much and couldn’t possibly imagine having to rehome him.

 

[flibbleflob]

@lightofaquarius my dog is super reactive with everything /everyone unfortunately , even vet visits have been an nightmare. he’s made progress but he’s also 70lb so it’s not a risk i’m willing to take. it’s definitely a hard decision for everyone involved especially when he’s basically our kid at this point. it’s hard as our whole lives are adapted to our dog, we can’t travel together for example as we can’t leave him with anyone. and now impacting whether or not we have kids. i am just taking it day by day, when i reach 35 i will reassess the situation because i’m already pretty sure i don’t want kids anyway, but if i do at that point we will have to make decisions. unfortunately my dog with his behaviours would not be able to rehomed so it would be a case of BE. it’s a hard decision with no easy answer. i even read someone who keeps their dog and kid completely apart in different areas of the house but that seems extremely hard micromanagement.