I don’t like our dog but trying to change

[hewhoshallnotbenamed]

My wife adopted a mini labradoodle puppy a year ago. I’ve never had a dog that lives indoors so potty training and obedience school are all new to me. Growing up we had a sweet black lab for 15 years that lived outside in a doghouse and did whatever he wanted in our backyard.

It has been difficult to avoid getting upset at the new dog for destroying everything in the house, already several hundred $ in damage. We also have two small boys (1.5 & 3 yrs) which require lots of care and attention so I feel the dog gets a bad deal with exhausted parents. We’ve taken him to 2 rounds of obedience school with little improvement.

I’m struggling to connect with the dog and daydream about re-homing but my wife is 100% invested. The dog is afraid of me even though I’ve never harmed him, just lots of NOs and occasional putting him outside. My wife rarely disciplines and leaves most of it to me and I don’t like being bad cop.

I want to connect and get along with our dog but am really struggling. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[beaktl]

@hewhoshallnotbenamed So you have a puppy, and kids. That's a lot!!! Some of what you're saying definitely correlates with puppy energy and not having anywhere for it to go. Exhausted parents are rarely great puppy play partners or have extensive time for walks. You need to find simple ways to exhaust him without expending your energy.

• Snuffle feeding: take him out to the yard and throw his kibble in a small area in the grass so he has to use his nose and brain to find it. This EXHAUSTS my dog for a few hours
• Other food games: snuffle matts and puzzle feeders, things you can easily set up that will allow him to think
• Sniff walks: instead of marching him around outside, let him out to sniff and explore
• Small training sessions: five minutes here and there makes a world of difference, practice the basic cues for five minutes when the kids start dinner, go down for a nap, etc. It doesn't have to be an hour. I keep treats all over the place so I can ask for a command and be able to reward it all day.
• Doggy Daycare: I will say, make sure the place is reputable, well staffed and educated on the dogs. A good doggy daycare has been life changing for my girl, even only going twice a week. It wipes her out, gets her wiggles and pent up energy out, and I get to feel less guilty.

There are ways to make this work, and you are in the thick of it with basically three toddlers running around.

 

[hewhoshallnotbenamed]

@beaktl Thanks this is very valuable advice. Much appreciated.

 

[cathya]

@hewhoshallnotbenamed Taking obedience classes was the ultimate connection with my dog. He was actually my girlfriend’s dog and when my own passed away, I didn’t feel like I had a dog at all because we were not bonded.

He had been to puppy kingergarten and gets all the basic commands so we signed up for a slightly more advanced class called rally obedience. Whoa… He is dynamite! All that energy makes him a dog that will work well past the point where the other dogs are getting tired and sloppy. Every day we walk to the closest park and practice and that’s part of his morning walk. We are getting ready for competition this fall.

 

[jazideezap]

@hewhoshallnotbenamed Sounds like this hasn’t just been a two week ordeal, you’ve invested some time into this pup. First thing, I grew up with dogs, they were my “live” dolls and playmates. Think back to being a kid and having a dog, knowing how many lessons were learned, responsibility taken on, and memories were made. It may not be your personal dream dog / situation, but your kids will appreciate having this family member for years to come. I’m so thankful my parents introduced dogs early, there’s so much to be said about growing up alongside an animal that you can grow a companionship with.
Does the wife know you are having frustrations? Make sure you’re on the same page for consequences, rewards, boundaries, & rules for the dog. It may not be eye to eye on all levels, but dogs are smart as heck and if it begins to learn it can get away with certain things around “mom”, that habit can be harrddd to un-teach. Favorite fam members may be natural to a degree but try to close that gap. Two ends of a spectrum doesn’t always meet in the middle like you may want.
I can’t attest to much on training, I sorta lucked out with a smart and obedient pup. But I do know the work put in now will save you loads of time in the long run. If you fall majorly short now, you’ll be spending years trying to break habits. You may have a puppy now, but you’ll have toddlers soon. Pick your poison I guess? Well behaved dog down the road with toddlers or triple whammy with all three and a receding hairline best of luck - you’re doing great.