How do you deal with how limited your life is b/c of your dog?

[truewitness1]

@abid14385 Just wanted to say that I lost my rescue, who was the easiest dog on the planet, in March. He was around 15, and as he got older, his life got smaller and so did mine. He loved to hike for hours when he was young, and loved to walk around the block at 15. He needed short, frequent walks, and I was not comfortable leaving him long enough to hike on my own. So I adapted. We went on lots of short walks. I bought an exercise bike. I did not travel. I offer this to say that there are circumstances where our life is limited even when a dog is very easy. Same is true when we have children, or as our parents age and need more care. Grieve in the ways you need to, and simultaneously find new joys. Perhaps one of those joys is knowing that you are providing a loving, safe home for a being who needs all the love they can get.

 

[heretolong]

@truewitness1 This is so true.
The things that make life meaningful often make life hard. They’re different for different people, but exist in one way or another.

 

[seangibbons]

@abid14385 Finding community is a big one for me. I’ve taken a couple of FDSA classes for reactivity and there’s a companion FB group for most of those classes. Being able to talk to other people, and especially via FB which is a little more intimate than Reddit, has been incredibly helpful. I also made a dog specific Instagram account. I’m not really into content creation but it’s been really nice to make a couple of friends who have dogs with similar issues. I always find it helpful to talk to people who get it, and not just through posts and comments on a forum like this, but really establishing relationships with people.

I’ve gotten better about letting go of what I’d hoped for and accepting what I have. We’ve been working on play a lot lately and I feel like we have a better connection, which helps me look past some of our difficulties.

That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. My dog has separation issues on top of reactivity, so she’s the kind of dog who you can’t take anywhere but can’t leave home. I have a hard time with resentment because of it. And not even for myself, really, but I have 2 young kids who have already missed out on so much childhood because of the pandemic, and now they’re limited AGAIN because of our dog. I hold onto a lot of guilt because of that and it can be really hard. I just want to be able to take my kids to do normal kid things, but I can’t a lot of the time. And it SUCKS. But we love her and she does add a lot to our family. Plus my kids don’t really know what “normal” looks like since most of their lives have been spent in the Covid era

 

[ashleigh2016]

@seangibbons would you mind dming me your ig account? i love following fellow reactive dog owners on IG!

ours is @lilpandadog

 

[seangibbons]

@ashleigh2016 @paws.up.pepper

 

[ashleigh2016]

@seangibbons Just followed you with panda’s account!

 

[christopherb]

@ashleigh2016 Oooo, are we exchanging dog IGs? I recently made one for my dog Pogo, @pogo.longboye.

I don't post a ton about reactivity because I take fewer photos/videos while we're out but I've been posting a bit more about it lately. We've been doing Emotional Support Tennis Balls on walks which I think is adorable and take tons of photos of.

 

[mustardseed7]

@abid14385 I haven't done it yet, but I'm hoping to take my guy on our first backpacking trip this summer. He won't do well in a campground because he doesn't like people. But I have hope that I can introduce him to camping through dispersed camping, first locally just in the car, and then hiking in a wilderness area. But who knows, maybe he can't and I'll just have to find a sitter when I want to go camping.

 

[maggiebells]

@abid14385 I feel this! There's several activites I haven't gotten to do since getting my dog. My biggest impact is climbing, which was my only social time, and lifting, which helped me feel so healthy.
I've focused on helping him do easier versions of hiking and we're just starting camping. It's been the toughest six months and I feel like I'm starting to breathe. He may have been able to work through some of his stuff relatively quickly though.
Hopefully it gets better with exposure, consistency, and time.

 

[beofthesamemind]

@abid14385 I’m not sure how long you’ve had your dog but time definitely helps and that things will continue to development with time. Things that may not be possible with your dog now might be in a few months or a year or a few years.

My husband and I are coming up to a year with our reactive great guy. His reactivity was extremely limiting and still is to a degree, however over the course of a year we’ve been able to open up our world. We can go in the car, go to the beach, go to a cafe, go to the dog park, walk calmly past sausage dogs - all things that were impossible a year ago.

For us it’s just been constant trial and error, trying different activities etc to see what his threshold is and how it changes over time. Plus consistent training, positive reinforcement and all that good stuff for reactive dogs.

Seconding what others have said about finding someone/s that you feel comfortable caring for your dog so you can go away/take a break. We’ve got 2 trainers who regularly walk our guy so they either stay at our house or he stays at their house. He loves them, they know his quirks, we get a break - everyone wins.

 

[ozzie123]

@abid14385 How long have you had your dog? With mine, it took 6 months for the initial decompression period (even with the easy one). Another year or so for the difficult one.

Everything aside, I gladly give everything up because all of the love they give constantly and consistently provide is more rewarding than any vacation etc. I might be more passionate than most though, so don't judge yourself by that yardstick. Maybe just think about it logically: how much happiness does your dog give you? If you have goals like camping (which I do as well), then what are your limiting factors and concerns, and how do you overcome those? If you want something enough then generally you can make it happen.

 

[levytonton10]

@abid14385 Realize that even perfect dogs may have more sensitivities than we know. We’re just more aware now. I realize I was kinda pushing the dog park on my perfect boy as he got older, because I liked the people there. He wasn’t into it any more.

 

[christian2123]

@abid14385 If he’s or she’s human reactive then i would muzzle him then take him everywhere u go, i did that in the beginning, it made me so much calmer knowing at least he can’t bite someone so me being calm it helps the pup be calmer. Keeping a reactive dog inside wont help their mental state. Exercising them alot would tire them out so they’re less reactive, things i learned from my experience…

 

[yellowking]

@abid14385 Other people have given you a lot of good advice, I’m just here to say you’re not alone. I often feel this way and it is hard.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@abid14385 It’s hard, no doubt. My boyfriend’s parents had a really anxious border collie who limited what they could do with him and then when he passed they got another border collie who is incredibly reactive and just generally batshit insane so now they have the same problem but in a different capacity. My dog is really well behaved for her age (10m rescue) but I’m still finding it hard to accept that I can’t just go off and do things spontaneously like I could before I had her but obviously that’s not her fault, I’m just adjusting to having responsibility now.

 

[eyebrowup]

@abid14385 Hey! I’m also a camper and hiker. This is EXACTLY how I felt four years ago, with my new dog who was reactive and unpredictable around other dogs and humans, and separation anxiety so couldn’t be left at home. I felt SO boxed in, like what the hell, I love my dog but I didn’t sign up for this!

Other commenters are mostly correct that you need to learn to love the dog you have, not the dog you wanted. This is true. It’s just not everything.

You DO need to forget about taking that idyllic camping trip with them, the worry-free off-leash hike… it does not exist, and it never will.

Here is what else we’ve done, to great success:

1) Use vet-prescribed meds to manage his anxiety. They work. They make his life better. And mine.

2) Train what we can, manage what we can’t. We spent years and $$$ reconditioning his reactivity and anxiety, making bits of progress here and there. We jingled the keys without leaving, closed the door for ten seconds then a minute, stood on the other side of the street dropping high value treats as dogs walked by, “look at that”… but could only achieve full results by also incorporating meds and management. If I need a break or have stuff to do… he might be getting crated for a few hours. He hates it. Too bad. Taking breaks helps me care for him better the other 90% of the time. We use a gentle leader on walks so he can’t lunge at other dogs. He hates the leader. Too bad. Not reinforcing destructive behavior is worth it. He still loves walks. Thankfully he’s small enough that if we encounter a dog on a narrow trail we can just pick him up. On a road, we just create some distance, use ourselves as barriers and walk right by. We manage the situation. It makes it routine, less of a big deal, less anxiety.

3) We found a friend who wanted a dog, but couldn’t commit to having one on their own. A few years back, we had a friend who would take him for specific weeks that worked well for their schedule. We planned our vacations during those weeks. It was great. Now we have a dear friend who takes him every other week, we basically have a dog-share. Doggo loves seeing both families, and we get a break when we need it, we can travel and get out every other week. It’s a total win-win and honestly changed my life.

I hope that helps, buddy! You’re not alone!

 

[jim24]

@abid14385 I've been struggling with this question for years and am finally in a better space with it. Two specific things that helped me:

I wanted to be active and outside and thus camp and hike with my dog. When this no longer became an option, I mourned for a while and now I've shifted to gardening. I still get to be active and outside and my dog still has a blast, but we're safe and calm. I realize having a large garden is not an option for everyone, but finding some other replacement activity could be.

Second, I got my roommates really comfortable with my pup. Now I can dip out and do personal stuff for 36 hours and have it be a total non-issue (though I am sad my pup isn't there, I do rest easy knowing he's home and safe). Again, this is likely not an option for many, but building a strong relationship with one sitter or friend that's willing to take your pup or stay at your place might be.

I wish you the best on your journey, it's not an easy one, but our fur babies are worth it

 

[jatieno]

@abid14385 Well, first of all i never considered my dog a limitation before i made a decision to have one. It's just different way of life, with pros & cons.

And to cheer you up, i have a German Shepherd. For the first two years very reactive towards other dogs to the point my wife was scared to walk him. Today my boy is still very interested in other dogs but we can pass them within 2-3 meters and he won't even pull a leash.

Tons of work but it's possible.