seekingeden
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Anyone break up over the situation or have an emotional shift in the relationship ?
Any words of wisdom welcomed.
Any words of wisdom welcomed.
Has anyone had their R/D situation affect a personal relationship? What did you do?
- Thread starter seekingeden
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@seekingeden We’ve had endless arguments mainly him not believing me about when our dog isn’t comfortable with him doing something , I would constantly say “he’s not comfortable” “if you continue to do that (eg hug the dog) you’re going to get bitten” my boyfriends response was “he’s fine, you’re projecting, etc” our dog bit my boyfriend three weeks ago.. He now listens to what I say , he also knows that if he asked me to choose between him and our dog I’d choose the dog. Not because I don’t love my boyfriend but because I also love our dog and anyone that put me in the position to make a choice that would break my heart and lose our dog is not welcome in my life.
kidwindy001
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@mak33 Similar situation here with him pushing the dog’s boundaries. It’s the only thing we’ve gotten into big enough fights that I’ve actually yelled at him in the 5 years we’ve been together. Mine didn’t really listen until we started working with a behaviorist and they told him the exact same stuff I had been telling him
seekingeden
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@kidwindy001 My bf antagonizes the dog. Saying it's good for him. 
seekingeden
New member
@seekingeden My boyfriend only started listening after he was bitten tbh
@seekingeden Yep, we broke up. Looking back though, my reactive guy saved me from making a very big mistake it would have been extremely difficult to come back from, so I like to think he saved me in a way
hopefullykyle
New member
@seekingeden We haven’t broken up; quite the opposite. I came into the relationship with a very reactive dog who didn’t necessarily trust men because one of my brothers is very abusive. My dog is almost exclusively dog reactive but was also generally anxious as a rescue, and it used to be really bad because no one else I was living with was on the same page as me for training AT ALL. I got no help, just lots of conflicting (and sometimes abusive) behavior towards my dog. I moved out as soon as I could.
My partner knew what he was getting into, as he dogsat for me for a week a couple months before we moved in together. It’s taken us 1.5 years to get completely on the same page, to catch him up on my dog’s behavior, to make sure we’re always a team and united. Even still, he has expressed to me how much he dislikes how he can’t just go out with our dog in the middle of the day without preparing for it. He’s said how it drives him crazy at times when we go out and suddenly there’s dogs everywhere and we have a rough walk. It’s hard when our dog’s anxiety kicks in and all he wants is to be aloof or hide.
But he has also seen the sweet, goofy, loving, loyal side of my dog. We have worked so hard, and we are seeing so much progress! Every day it’s a little bit easier, even if we have a rough day or walk. The answer for us is always communication, and making sure he knew exactly what he was signing up for.
I don’t blame anybody for walking away from a relationship with a reactive dog involved - they are a HUGE commitment, a lot of work, and require so much intentional patience. Communication will solve a world of hurt before it happens, but sometimes you don’t know how much heat you can take until you’re out of the frying pan and in the fire. It’s tough, but definitely can be doable.
My partner knew what he was getting into, as he dogsat for me for a week a couple months before we moved in together. It’s taken us 1.5 years to get completely on the same page, to catch him up on my dog’s behavior, to make sure we’re always a team and united. Even still, he has expressed to me how much he dislikes how he can’t just go out with our dog in the middle of the day without preparing for it. He’s said how it drives him crazy at times when we go out and suddenly there’s dogs everywhere and we have a rough walk. It’s hard when our dog’s anxiety kicks in and all he wants is to be aloof or hide.
But he has also seen the sweet, goofy, loving, loyal side of my dog. We have worked so hard, and we are seeing so much progress! Every day it’s a little bit easier, even if we have a rough day or walk. The answer for us is always communication, and making sure he knew exactly what he was signing up for.
I don’t blame anybody for walking away from a relationship with a reactive dog involved - they are a HUGE commitment, a lot of work, and require so much intentional patience. Communication will solve a world of hurt before it happens, but sometimes you don’t know how much heat you can take until you’re out of the frying pan and in the fire. It’s tough, but definitely can be doable.
seekingeden
New member
@hopefullykyle Thanks for the hope.
@seekingeden From personal experience, having a reactive dog has truly helped my partner grow as an individual. It has helped our relationship grow better too. As a puppy when our dog had reactive episodes to random things my husband would lose his shit and I had never seen him do that in the 7 years we had been together at that point. I told him rehoming a dog we committed to is not an option but changing his (husband's) attitude towards an animal that is reacting to something out of fear is important to being a better human. He has worked on his anger alongside our dog's reactivity training and I'm proud of both my boys on having gotten over their issues. My husband has learnt to let some days go and to let me handle situations when he feels overwhelmed and our dog has gotten really good at handling stressors and communicating with us about how he feels about certain scary situations. There are bad days but as a family we have started focusing only on the good days and to laugh through things more than react.
seekingeden
New member
@seekingeden A reactive dog is not easy but try and find the silver lining in every day things. One thing that has helped us tackle the challenge is going on every potty break walk together. When I felt down I would hand over the leash to my husband and when he felt angry I would take the leash from him and give him time to cool off. We took on the clicker training and engage and disengage training as a team where the person holding the leash would click and the other person would treat. It can be really tiring when everything falls on one person alone. I know these things might not work for everyone but if it works for you, give it a shot. Hope the three of you work things out.
seekingeden
New member
davidlee300
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@seekingeden I have a fiance and one reactive dog, and his dog is a doodle, so basically, a puppy on Crack at all times. After months of meet-ups, sleepovers, training. We finally moved in together. My dog still will head butt his dog ( my dog is always in a muzzle around him) when he is being too crazy for my dog's liking. We keep them separated by a gate while we're gone and have had zero issues. They actually miss each other when they haven't been together in a couple of days.
@seekingeden Have y'all worked with a professional dog trainer?? Ruled out anything medically or thought ab medication??
Tbh, in the situation when your bf got bit & you warned him... If there's ANY hope of keeping this dog; your bf must have a relationship with her/him, too! Basically, I'm saying DON'T let YOUR anticipation become reality. (Dogs can sense that ish!) The dog WILL warn your bf that it doesn't like 'X' or whatever. They may communicate differently, depending on where in your 'pack' your dog sees your bf.
It's incredibly difficult and will cause arguments. Just don't hash it out in front of your doggo (they're a lot like children). They don't know the words, but they know the tone
Much luck!
Edit: ment to reply to last comment
@mak33
Tbh, in the situation when your bf got bit & you warned him... If there's ANY hope of keeping this dog; your bf must have a relationship with her/him, too! Basically, I'm saying DON'T let YOUR anticipation become reality. (Dogs can sense that ish!) The dog WILL warn your bf that it doesn't like 'X' or whatever. They may communicate differently, depending on where in your 'pack' your dog sees your bf.
It's incredibly difficult and will cause arguments. Just don't hash it out in front of your doggo (they're a lot like children). They don't know the words, but they know the tone
Much luck!
Edit: ment to reply to last comment
@mak33
@adaliabay Pack theory has been debunked 
We work closely with a vet behaviorist, a experienced trainer and our vets and our dog is outstanding at giving the correct and appropriate warning signals when he’s uncomfortable, my boyfriend however didn’t take the time to learn about dog body language or listen to me when I would explain stuff and he learnt the hard way. It took three years but in the end he got snapped at and caught, not ideal, but these things happen, it was not the dogs fault.
We work closely with a vet behaviorist, a experienced trainer and our vets and our dog is outstanding at giving the correct and appropriate warning signals when he’s uncomfortable, my boyfriend however didn’t take the time to learn about dog body language or listen to me when I would explain stuff and he learnt the hard way. It took three years but in the end he got snapped at and caught, not ideal, but these things happen, it was not the dogs fault.