Family member’s ‘really tolerant’ dog has bitten their toddler

johnojuan

New member
We went through the upset of rehoming our gorgeous, but reactive, working line BC a couple of months ago. He is an excellent dog and we worked very hard with him for years and did lots of training/enrichment, but recently we’d had a few warning incidents where he’d lunged at our kids, and was frequently showing stress signals like panting, ears back etc when they were around.

After taking advice from trainers who know the breed, we rehomed him via specialist working line BC rescue. He was clearly becoming very stressed by living in a house with lots of children (including a toddler).

It took a lot of work finding and waiting for a place, and was very upsetting for all of us, but a few weeks ago the rescue contacted us to say he’d been adopted to a fantastic home with experienced owners who don’t have kids or grandkids, and he’s much happier. I’m satisfied that we did the right thing by him, even though it broke our hearts to rehome him.

All the while this was happening, my wife was constantly getting ‘concerned’ messages from her family, saying about how the dog was dangerous and unpredictable, and we shouldn’t have him around kids, we shouldn’t have such a big dog etc etc. She got very little sympathy when we rehomed him. Her family all have small ‘pet’ type dogs which they do no training with whatsoever, and they said after he’d gone ‘maybe we’d get a dog like theirs who is completely safe around kids’. (we won’t be getting any more dogs until all of our kids are grown)

We’d used what we’d learned from our experience with our dog to try to help them, and have repeatedly told them stuff like ‘don’t let your toddler get into your dog’s crate’, but they’d basically laughed if off and said their dogs are really tolerant and safe with kids etc .

Anyway, fast forward to this week, and we get a message saying that their dog has bitten their toddler when she was messing with it. Luckily the kid isn’t too badly hurt. Of course the dog faces an uncertain future now (at best it will be rehomed), and the toddler is now scared of dogs.

What made this worse is that it’s come to light that the dog has been biting random people in the park. We weren’t told about this, and we’ve had it around our kids when it’s clearly not safe to be so. But because it was a small fluffy dog, they said it was ‘just being grumpy’, even though it drew blood on several occasions.

I’m struggling to find any sympathy given the history, although I feel really bad for the dog and the kid.

I see this so often with small dogs - people just don’t take them seriously.

tldr; we rehomed our reactive dog before anything bad happened and got no support, only judgement from family. Now their dog which we warned them about and were told was really tolerant, has surprise, surprise, bitten their kid. And they didn’t tell us it had been attacking people in the park when letting it near our child.
 
@johnojuan Idk, I’m petty. I would text saying “so sorry to hear what happened to kiddo, being bitten by your dog. Hopefully the bite won’t scar or get infected, and hope the incident doesn’t mentally traumatize her around dogs. Maybe you shouldn’t have let such a dangerous, unpredictable dog around your kid. Next time, you should get a dog that’s completely safe around kids - That’s what (wife’s) family advised for us, so hope it can help you too!”
 
@squareone yeah, I feel a bit like that - they were the ones doing the ‘advising’ which made it worse. I need to maintain good long term relations though, so I’ll control myself !
 
@johnojuan Need to play nice? No prob.

“Oh my, that sucks about the bite. Who could have seen that coming!” Shake your head, bewildered.

Or the clueless path.

“The bite isn’t bad tho right? After all, she’s not a big dog like ours was. Such a small dog, maybe it’s just a scratch?”
 
@squareone I’m extra petty, then, because I would be trying to work in a passive aggressive comment about the stupidity of adults who let their kids in their dog’s crate. (In reality, I would probably not actually send this text. Probably. But I would definitely write it out somewhere safe for catharsis.)
 
@johnojuan The petty in me would want to say something like "what did you expect? You didn't train your dog, or do anything to keep the dog and kid away from each other."

What I'd actually say is "I'm sorry that happened, you should probably look into training and management until [toddler] is old enough to understand how to interact with dogs. If you do need to rehome, be sure to disclose the bite history because it's unethical not to."
 
@johnojuan It’s irresponsible to leave any dog alone with a child younger than 9 years old, especially a toddler. Small dogs even more so because it’s a mutual danger, meaning the child could hurt the dog as well. I totally understand your frustration. Hypocrites are the worst.
 
@johnojuan It is sad that they completely failed their kid, the dog and society since they were letting the dog bite strangers before this. But yes I think it makes sense not to have much sympathy specifically for them when they had none for you, and were cold and condescending about your struggles.
 
@johnojuan The dogs are the ones who suffer, here. I wish people weren't so damned selfish. Not you, the people who decided to 1 up you and inevitably failed. Tolerant my ass.

My dog is a weirdo, she actually wants me in her crate. She makes a big show of it in the morning when it's time to get up. Rather than bounce up, she will lean back and solicit belly rubs and the more you envelope her in the process, the better.

But, I'm not a toddler.
 

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