Dog Groomers: write an instant nightmare in 5 words or less

[huggy]

@legionness I bathed him for you.

 

[cathya]

@legionness “I don’t want him shaved.”

If that’s the first thing you say, imma automatically assume your dog is involuntarily and regularly shaved due to matting, and that you don’t grasp it that neither you nor I have a choice in the matter.

 

[paul12345]

@legionness "Sorry I'm a little late" grr

 

[legionness]

@paul12345 Shows up 45 minutes late

SqksksoaizhNazpKdnsoJajwndakzoana

 

[uselessnumberone]

@legionness "Two year old rescue Shiba"

(She was great but hearing that set off ALL the alarm bells)

 

[slaney4]

@uselessnumberone Unrelated to grooming, but I was at a field last week with my pup on a long line when a man arrived and immediately let his Shiba off leash.

It's a leash-required area, so I got a little grumpy, but I just moved my little guy further away so I'd have time to react if the Shiba decided to, you know, be a Shiba.

Not two minutes later, I look over and the man is racing for the exit, puffing after his dog as it takes off down the sidewalk toward god knows what.

Most predictable thing I've ever seen. I'm glad your Shiba was great though!

 

[19john54]

@legionness "First time groom, he's 11."

 

[timaeus]

@legionness “Can’t go in a kennel”

“One hour for pickup”

“Nervous diarrhea”

 

[forwardslider]

@legionness "He's not aggressive, just scared "

"I don't want him muzzled"

"I brushed her last night "

 

[tantrex]

@legionness “I forgot the trazadone”

“He’s never been groomed before”

Owner complains 3 weeks later

“I want a puppy cut”

Receptionists book me multiple doodles

 

[jay2242]

@legionness "I brush him everyday" while dog is matted to the skin.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@legionness “Do you do their nails?”

“They’ve been in kennels”

“Those mats will brush out”

All things owners have said in the past week

 

[wehyee]

@legionness "DoNt foRget THe DEwClaWs"

 

[rkenoke]

@wehyee "get them as short as you can"

GOD hearing that makes me so irrationally angry

 

[wanderedhome]

@wehyee Can you trim them as short as possible?

 

[collinsblalock]

@legionness "Aussiedoodle breed standard cut"

-Real life client of mine -__-

 

[mamawg]

@collinsblalock There’s just so much wrong with that.

 

[miralha]

@legionness he growls but doesn't bite

She's a purebred doodle

 

[seeingbabylon]

@legionness "The last groomer hurt him."

Either the dog is terrified because he was actually hurt or mom is psycho. It's one or the other.

 

[legionness]

@seeingbabylon "hurt him" no Karen, that groomer hurt your feelings by not letting you be an ignorant bitch