Decided to let my dog with dementia go

[sonofmatthew]

He is scheduled to be euthanized (in-home) this coming Sunday.

I just joined this sub so I apologize if this is not the place to post this. My 16.5 year old male Jack Russell Terrier (Dexter) has progressive dementia or Canine Cognitive Dysfunction (CCD) and was diagnosed about a year and half ago. Symptoms have progressed somewhat slowly over the course of the year and a half but if I compare to how he is today versus just say, 2 months ago, things are noticeably different compared to when he was first diagnosed and 3 months after.Overall, over the course of the last 8 to 12 months, I managed an average of around 4 to 6 hours of sleep a night as my dog would wake and pace in circles. Currently, he has all of the classic symptoms including urinating frequently (every 10 to 15 minutes if not taken out) indoors and when defecating indoors or outdoors, he would fall over on himself due to his weak legs. There's two options during his daily life and that is either to sleep or when he's awake, he would pace in circles. He also has signs of staring into space or getting "stuck" by simple things like a chair leg. It takes me anywhere from 1 hour to 3 hours every night to get him to lay in his bed and stay there. But that doesn't guarantee he will remain there enough for me to get a somewhat good night sleep.

The most difficult part is at times, he will seem like himself. He will seem like he's aware and he will do his little happy jog for a few paces when he smells his treat. Like today, I gave him a kiss and he kissed me right back. He has not done this in close to a year. And this was right after I finalized the time with the vet. It's so heartbreaking. Is it a sign? Ugh. But I know the CCD has either fully consumed him or is very close and I have been struggling - and currently feeling an intense and enormous amount of guilt that I may be putting him to sleep too soon or that I may be doing this because I have to take him out to pee every 10 minutes or have to hold him up so he can perform #2 in at 3am, or know that I have to clean his entire cage and bath him after coming back from work or dinner because he's soiled himself by being left alone for just 3 to 4 hours.

I know that this is my decision but that doesn't make it any better. Has anyone else gone through this? I'm finding myself ( a grown 44-year old man) breaking down in tears in the middle of the day, in the shower, and even while working out thinking about all of this. With the euthanization coming Sunday, I am absolutely dreading the weekend. I've taken so many online "quality of life" assessments but I come out more confused and guilty as ever - even though the majority indicate it is time.

I'm at the point where I'm starting to think about "well, if this problem with Dexter didn't exist, would I still euthanize him" and I do this with every "issue" to see if I'm being some kind of selfish a-hole.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. To vent? To ask for help? To be reassured? No idea. This is my first pet and the first death of anything that's so close to me about to pass away.

 

[puzzles]

@sonofmatthew He has no quality of life and you have made the right decision as hard as it is. You've been good to him. Try to rest easy on your decision.

 

[ej_staytrue]

@sonofmatthew I had a Rottweiler who was the kindest, most loving being I’ve ever met. We rescued her at an older age and gave her the best life. She was spoiled and I told her every day I was thankful she chose us. Being older, she developed tumors a few months after adopting her. Had one round of removals but we knew it could come back. It did.

The mass was very large and the surgery was going to be costly and she might not wake back up from it, so we decided to manage her pain and continue to give her love. Had to adjust our schedules, but it was worth it. One morning her mass split open. It was awful. We rushed to the vet and had to make the impossible decision that it was her time. I was devastated.

The vet said one thing that I hope will help you: they will NEVER euthanize an animal if they can see the animal is not ready to go. They will never choose to end their life early, and that brought some small comfort.

Enjoy the time you have, celebrate your dog while you can, and be there with them if you are able. You’ll be a mess and that’s very expected. Take your time to grieve. You are a good person and you get to be devastated over losing a best friend.

 

[chozenwun]

@sonofmatthew I am going through the same exact thing with my 15 year old. We have him on medicine that has helped with his dementia for a few months, but the last few weeks he seems to be sliding further into it. Our vet taught us how to make him defecate, get a finger glove with some Vaseline and just stick it in slowly until he pushes it out. We do this every day especially if we have to leave the house. The diapers have helped a lot too. Otherwise, everything else has been about the same as your situation. My fiancé just broke down crying today too. I don’t want to let him go, but if he keeps freaking out like this nonstop all through the night I don’t think I’m doing him any favors by holding on, as much as I love him. Good luck man

 

[sonofmatthew]

@chozenwun The past weekend was what made me realize it was time. We went out to dinner for about 3 to 4 hours which usually isn't an issue. He may pee in the cage but that is something we can deal with. He may also at times poop in the cage as a result of his neurological diagnosis but that's okay too. But this time was different. He peed and pooped in his cage about 2 hours prior to us getting home. He's a very clean dog so I guess he refused to lay back down and started to panic. So mix in his pacing in circles and given the fact his cage was completely soiled, he paced in circles for close to 2 hours, and the cushion he was on, from all of the pacing ended up giving him really bad rug burns on his paw pads and even splitting one of them. So as a result, there was a lot of blood mixed in there too. It was very disturbing to see. I was distraught. He was upset. I cleaned him up but this event really forced me to consider all of the months and how he's progressed with his CCD and ignoring all of it would just be in denial. I struggled the last few days going back on forth on the idea of euthanizing my dog. But at the end, I believe I knew all along. This is one of the worst decisions I've ever had to make in my life.

 

[chozenwun]

@sonofmatthew You’re doing the right thing. I wish we didn’t have to make such a brutal decision, but it’s the last thing we can do for them, out of love.

 

[goodybaker94]

@sonofmatthew He came out to kiss you today to tell you it’s ok.
You whisper your memories into his ears, sing him your special songs, feed him his favorite treats.
He’ll save you a space on the other side.

 

[israelp]

@sonofmatthew Please don’t be too concerned about the possibility of letting him go too soon, it’s best that when he goes he has most of his mind intact and it’s best to let him go too soon than a moment too late, in my opinion. My condolences but I think you are making the best decision

 

[refei]

@sonofmatthew My vet says the greatest gift we give our dogs is the last one.

 

[perryplaya]

@sonofmatthew I had a senior dog that I had to have put down because of some kind of mental changes - he would have sudden "frozen" spell, like maybe a seizure? Eyes stayed open. When he would come out of it he was like a little rabid rat for a few seconds - snapping and biting at anything in range. Totally unpredictable. I had young grandkids at the time. After I got bit a couple times I knew I couldn't be sure it wouldn't be a kid next. Would have been cruel to cage him 24 hrs a day, but I felt so horrible when I took him to the vet. So sorry for what you are going through, but sometimes it's all we can do for them. It's so hard. It's ok to be broken up about it.

 

[real_magyar]

@sonofmatthew Oh Sweetie….
So,so tough. Goor for you making this decision for him. And I concur with so many others who have made the same statement. His qualities of life is so diminished…. He’s better off crossing The Bridge. He will be in met there with joy and happiness and folic across rainbow bridge with so many others, including my MYA who have gotten before him.. every chance you get look up into the clouds I promise you’ll see him frolicking there.

 

[karyn]

@sonofmatthew I’m so sorry. I’ve not been through anything as heartbreaking as what you’re going through right now, but I can offer you my experience & commiserate. Reading everything you’ve been doing for your sweet boy I can tell you care for him SO MUCH & I know your heart is breaking.

We had to put down our nearly 14 year old pitbull last year as his health was steadily deteriorating and he could barely stand anymore. We had him since he was eight weeks old. It was so hard. We also chose in-home euthanasia as well, and it was the best decision we could have made. The vet that came over made it such a peaceful and loving experience. We petted him and told him that we loved him right until the end. If I could use that same ending for myself when the time comes, I would.

The morning of the euthanasia, we did as many things that he loved that he was still able to participate in. We put him in a wagon and took him to the park so he could smell some park smells. We put them on a blanket outside lay in the sun & get pets. We played a movie with lots of dogs for him to bark at with impunity if he felt like it (he didn’t). We offered him lots of naughty treats, like hamburger, grapes, and chocolate. His last day is lawless and it was beautiful. Each day afterward gets a little easier. Rest assured that you’re doing the right thing by your little buddy and it won’t be easy, but you will be OK. He knows he’s deeply loved. I’m so sorry, friend.

 

[sonofmatthew]

@karyn Thank you so much for your support. The plan for Sunday (5pm is the "time") is to take him out to the field where he used to love playing catch (hasn't done that in over 2 years) and walk around a little bit and then spoil him with some human food which he also had in close to 2 years. I am very very sad to let him go but as I read the responses on here and dive more into reading about dementia in dogs, I do believe I am doing the right thing. I've been an absolute mess the last few days and I have no idea what I'll be like after Sunday night but I will keep reminding myself that I am doing this for the benefit of the both of us - especially for him so he doesn't cross that line where he completely forgets who I am, etc.

 

[streetpreachergirl]

@sonofmatthew I had to let my Lucky dog go a couple of years ago because of her CCD. She didn't have accidents, she didn't pace all the time, but her staring and getting stuck got really bad and getting her to eat was near impossible. She lost a lot of weight before I finally got courage to set her free. It was time but it hurt so bad to let her go. I'm sorry you are going thru this hugs

 

[sonofmatthew]

@streetpreachergirl Thank you for the kind words. My dog has been drinking water and eating okay but there are now signs where he would go to the bowls and just stare. It didn't make any sense at first but after reading about all of the symptoms, it seems that he is at times - especially when he's just staring into the bowls that he's forgetting how to drink or how to eat.

 

[surayray15]

@sonofmatthew I went thru this with my 16 year old Boston in April. It took me about 6 months to finally make the decision to say goodbye. He wasn’t himself anymore and I wish I had let him go sooner as he was clearly suffering. However it was a peaceful and easy goodbye as I knew it had to happen for him.

 

[theislandpoet]

@sonofmatthew You’re doing the right thing, my dear. I’m truly sorry, but just know you’ve given him a good life and did a great job thus far given the circumstances.

Let him go easy across the rainbow bridge. As someone who’s worked in animal care for the last 3 years and has seen dogs suffering in the last years of their life, I want to thank you for being a brave and responsible owner.

Sending hugs and keeping you in my thoughts during this difficult time for your family.