She's 7 months old and still very nervous around people. I feel like I'm making no progress bonding with her. I cant train her because she cant let her guard down around me. I am considering giving her back even though I really don't want to since she's my first dog. She's not a rescue, just an older puppy I got from a K9 facility.
Adopted dog of 3 weeks still scared of people. About to give up
- Thread starter siskie
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godisnotreal6969
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@siskie You’ve only had her for 3 weeks, chill. If she’s nervous already when you got her, it could take her months to settle in and if you’re already trying to push her out if her comfort zone before she even knows what her comfort zone is, of course she’s going to be anxious. First just work on bonding, making her comfortable and settling into a routine. Then when she trusts you, you can work with her on other things.
Do you know her history before she came to you? If she was mistreated or neglected it will take her longer to learn to trust you. It’s a slow process, don’t try to force it.
I just watched your videos - honestly if it were my dog I wouldn’t ask her to do anything while she’s still settling in. And don’t keep repeating commands at her if she doesn’t know what it means. You’re just making the words meaningless to her.
Do you know her history before she came to you? If she was mistreated or neglected it will take her longer to learn to trust you. It’s a slow process, don’t try to force it.
I just watched your videos - honestly if it were my dog I wouldn’t ask her to do anything while she’s still settling in. And don’t keep repeating commands at her if she doesn’t know what it means. You’re just making the words meaningless to her.
@godisnotreal6969 Got her from a K9 trainer. She's very excited around other dogs so I think it might be just a people problem.
godisnotreal6969
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@siskie My dog is also fine with other dogs, but hates people. It happens. I can’t tell you how long it’ll take her to get comfortable - I don’t know how she is, what happened to her before you got her, or how you’re working with her. I guess the only limiting factor is how much time and effort you want to dedicate to her. Some dogs are just harder to take care of, we don’t know her story, she maybe had experiences in the past that make it hard for her to like you. It just takes patience. I would probably try to give it at least a few months. 3 weeks is obviously just not enough time for her, so she might just be one of those dogs that you have to go extra slow and be extra careful with.
Have you tried just mostly ignoring her instead of trying to force your attention on her? That’s what I would try. Feed her, talk to her, take her outside. But I wouldn’t try to pet her, play with her, or teach her commands. That way she can adjust to the environment at her own pace without added stress. When she gets comfortable she will come to you for attention. That’s what I did when I got my dog from a shelter - he has bad fear aggression and didn’t fully trust me. I think somebody hit him in the past. It took about a month for him to feel safe sitting with me on the couch, or asking me to pet him. Even now that he’s more comfortable with me, if I move too quickly toward him or if I startle him he cowers away from me. So it’s just a slow process. The more consistency you’re able to give her, the more she will learn to trust that consistency. And she might always have things that trigger her but you just have to do the best you can and realize that they have ups and downs just like people.
Have you tried just mostly ignoring her instead of trying to force your attention on her? That’s what I would try. Feed her, talk to her, take her outside. But I wouldn’t try to pet her, play with her, or teach her commands. That way she can adjust to the environment at her own pace without added stress. When she gets comfortable she will come to you for attention. That’s what I did when I got my dog from a shelter - he has bad fear aggression and didn’t fully trust me. I think somebody hit him in the past. It took about a month for him to feel safe sitting with me on the couch, or asking me to pet him. Even now that he’s more comfortable with me, if I move too quickly toward him or if I startle him he cowers away from me. So it’s just a slow process. The more consistency you’re able to give her, the more she will learn to trust that consistency. And she might always have things that trigger her but you just have to do the best you can and realize that they have ups and downs just like people.
@godisnotreal6969 I have been trying to force my attention on her. Ill take your advice and tone it way down. Ill get back to you in 3 months.
godisnotreal6969
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@godisnotreal6969 I've been following the same routine for 3 weeks, but seeing little progress. I'll keep trying but how long would it take before you think there might be a problem?
lionhearted
New member
@siskie What do you mean by problem? As background, my dog, Ollie, was the same way as yours when we got him at 8 months. Even at 3 weeks. He looked the same on walks — anxious, a mess. He hid in his crate for a week when we got him; I think you said your dog was the same way but for longer.
Your dog will probably never be normal. Ollie loves other dogs more than life itself. Give her time. She looks anxious about the retractable leash, so use a regular leash or longline so she understands the boundary. I recommend Palomine lines. Ollie to this day (6 months since we got him) hates walking on concrete and gets anxious. If she likes sniffing, walk on grassy areas. Move so slowly with her. I get where your anxiety is coming from. We were worried for 2 months about whether Ollie was a good fit. When I woke up 30 minutes earlier before sunrise to coax him down the hallway because he wouldn’t MOVE out of terror, when he would freeze and shake when we passed a person, when he wouldn’t leave the elevator because he saw a person and I had to carry him out. I understand. I have a list of his fears from the first month for his trainer on a sticky note somewhere. I pasted it in my journal to laugh at now.
Yeah, he’s not “normal”. If people try to pet him, he‘ll back off. But he can sit next to me while we have a conversation, and walk up to sniff them. He has a couple human friends. He can be boarded at our trainers. He’s working on recall and can be trusted on a longline without anyone holding the other end. He is bouncy, and happy, and playful and smart and he tries his goddamn heart out for us every single day. Give your dog a chance. A scared dog is working 10000 times harder than a normal dog when it comes to every single experience they ever have. If your dog is giving 10000%, you can try 10000% to be the owner they deserve. That’s not me judging you, it’s what I told myself when things were hard.
Look, give it a try. Give her a few more months IF you can accept a dog that will always be shy, but loving with her people. Stay around here and gather more information. Cautious Canine by Patricia McConnell is a great read. Reach out to me over PM if you want, I’m not that knowledgeable but we have similar dogs and I’m happy to tell you what has and hasn’t worked. If she’s not the dog for you, work on rehoming her with someone who can keep working on her, but give it time. If it’s just you and her, I’m sure that adds to the sense of stress. My boyfriend and I relied on each other a ton to get through the hard days. We did give Ollie spots in the house (a bed, a crate) where, if he goes in, we NEVER touch him or reach for him. Ever. That seemed to help too. If they have an accident, it’s fine. If they don’t eat for a day or so, it’s fine. They need to feel safe first and foremost. If you want the name of a trainer doing remote sessions, I can try to dig something up.
I’m sorry this is such a journal. Your dog has major Ollie vibes and I want you guys to succeed. Hell, if timing were different, I would offer to adopt her from you if it didn’t work in a few months. Give her a chance
EDIT: My trainer’s major piece of advice that transformed our relationship? “Let him be naughty. Training doesn’t matter. Obedience comes second to comfort. We were starting to work on obedience after 3 months of having Ollie. That was when he was ready. Who cares if your dog can’t sit or come? It’s not important right now. Let her be naughty! (Caveat: as long as everyone is safe).
Your dog will probably never be normal. Ollie loves other dogs more than life itself. Give her time. She looks anxious about the retractable leash, so use a regular leash or longline so she understands the boundary. I recommend Palomine lines. Ollie to this day (6 months since we got him) hates walking on concrete and gets anxious. If she likes sniffing, walk on grassy areas. Move so slowly with her. I get where your anxiety is coming from. We were worried for 2 months about whether Ollie was a good fit. When I woke up 30 minutes earlier before sunrise to coax him down the hallway because he wouldn’t MOVE out of terror, when he would freeze and shake when we passed a person, when he wouldn’t leave the elevator because he saw a person and I had to carry him out. I understand. I have a list of his fears from the first month for his trainer on a sticky note somewhere. I pasted it in my journal to laugh at now.
Yeah, he’s not “normal”. If people try to pet him, he‘ll back off. But he can sit next to me while we have a conversation, and walk up to sniff them. He has a couple human friends. He can be boarded at our trainers. He’s working on recall and can be trusted on a longline without anyone holding the other end. He is bouncy, and happy, and playful and smart and he tries his goddamn heart out for us every single day. Give your dog a chance. A scared dog is working 10000 times harder than a normal dog when it comes to every single experience they ever have. If your dog is giving 10000%, you can try 10000% to be the owner they deserve. That’s not me judging you, it’s what I told myself when things were hard.
Look, give it a try. Give her a few more months IF you can accept a dog that will always be shy, but loving with her people. Stay around here and gather more information. Cautious Canine by Patricia McConnell is a great read. Reach out to me over PM if you want, I’m not that knowledgeable but we have similar dogs and I’m happy to tell you what has and hasn’t worked. If she’s not the dog for you, work on rehoming her with someone who can keep working on her, but give it time. If it’s just you and her, I’m sure that adds to the sense of stress. My boyfriend and I relied on each other a ton to get through the hard days. We did give Ollie spots in the house (a bed, a crate) where, if he goes in, we NEVER touch him or reach for him. Ever. That seemed to help too. If they have an accident, it’s fine. If they don’t eat for a day or so, it’s fine. They need to feel safe first and foremost. If you want the name of a trainer doing remote sessions, I can try to dig something up.
I’m sorry this is such a journal. Your dog has major Ollie vibes and I want you guys to succeed. Hell, if timing were different, I would offer to adopt her from you if it didn’t work in a few months. Give her a chance
EDIT: My trainer’s major piece of advice that transformed our relationship? “Let him be naughty. Training doesn’t matter. Obedience comes second to comfort. We were starting to work on obedience after 3 months of having Ollie. That was when he was ready. Who cares if your dog can’t sit or come? It’s not important right now. Let her be naughty! (Caveat: as long as everyone is safe).
@lionhearted Thanks for taking the time to respond. The thing is the place I got her from said she was outgoing and loves attention, but what I am experiencing right now is nothing like that. She pretty much lays her-self down in my room after her morning walk and sleep all day after about 1 week. Did Ollie approach you guys after a while?
lionhearted
New member
@siskie Think of it like this. If you were airlifted into a stranger's house, who kept trying to shove food in your mouth and make you do things, how long would it take you to get used to it? With no explanation of what happened to your past life? A year? 5 years? Scale that down to your dog. Give her time/
lionhearted
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lionhearted
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established_by_god
New member
@siskie On one hand, I get that the period between getting a dog and bonding with them can be a difficult time. It’s probably also hard to come to terms with the fact that this isn’t exactly the dog you have always dreamed of. Especially if you were looking at an Airedale specifically for their personality traits, it’s clear she hasn’t been showing typical Airedale traits yet like confidence and energy. So on some level I understand where you’re coming from.
That being said, I can’t imagine wanting to give back a dog I’ve had for 3 weeks because they were a little bit anxious. That’s just bizarre to me. If you don’t want a dog with anxiety then yeah, you should probably take her back... but I also don’t know if you’re cut out for dog ownership. You can keep trying on dogs like pants until you find the perfect one, or you can accept this dog as your family and work with her. Besides her nervousness she seems like a really sweet and well-mannered dog. Bonding with a nervous dog takes more than 3 weeks but I promise it does happen.
Also you shouldn’t spam cues like you did in that video. If she didn’t come on the 1st or 2nd try she isn’t going to come on the 6th try so you probably want to try something else. Also, is that cheese? Try a smellier treat like peanut butter and see if you have any luck with that. Instead of saying come just try to lure her with it at first, then connect it to the cue.
That being said, I can’t imagine wanting to give back a dog I’ve had for 3 weeks because they were a little bit anxious. That’s just bizarre to me. If you don’t want a dog with anxiety then yeah, you should probably take her back... but I also don’t know if you’re cut out for dog ownership. You can keep trying on dogs like pants until you find the perfect one, or you can accept this dog as your family and work with her. Besides her nervousness she seems like a really sweet and well-mannered dog. Bonding with a nervous dog takes more than 3 weeks but I promise it does happen.
Also you shouldn’t spam cues like you did in that video. If she didn’t come on the 1st or 2nd try she isn’t going to come on the 6th try so you probably want to try something else. Also, is that cheese? Try a smellier treat like peanut butter and see if you have any luck with that. Instead of saying come just try to lure her with it at first, then connect it to the cue.
@established_by_god I've tried chicken, pork, cheese and the results are similar. She'll eat it if I get close but wont come to me if I hold about a couple feet away. Been doing this for 2 weeks with little success.
established_by_god
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@established_by_god I'm not sure, if I bring it up onto her nose she'll sniff excitedly and wolf it down. If I continue to hold it at a distance eventually she'll just lay down.
established_by_god
New member
@established_by_god Oh yea if I do that and go to another room she'll eat it fast.