Please forgive formatting and typos.. I’m an emotional wreck right now and just needed to write all this down.
Dudley is 3.5 y/o ~45lb mutt (dna profile said chow/rottie/shepherd mix, but mostly he’s a mutt).
My husband and I adopted him from a rescue at ~7 weeks old. His mom was hit by a car when he was just a week old, so he and his littermates were taken to a shelter that was unable to bottle feed so many babies. They were taken in by a local rescue organization who split them into groups of 2 or three and placed them in foster homes.
We brought him home a little earlier than usual because his littermate who was fostered in the same home was very sick and had a long stay at the vet for major surgery. So, if he wasn’t going to be with his mom or another puppy to socialize with anyway, we got to take him home early. All this to say he did not get a proper opportunity to socialize with his mom and littermates.. we did not realize this would have such an impact.
We started socializing and training immediately. We were determined to raise a good doggo. Lots of walks and training and meeting people and dogs— no immediate problems.
Around the “fear stage” we started noticing food aggression/resource guarding toward us and our adult cat and leash reactivity when outside. By this point he had been though the basic puppy training classes and was fully potty trained.
Around maybe ~11 months old, he bit me when I tried to take a piece of trash from him that he had collected on a walk- it broke skin and bled a lot. I was devastated and scared. Between this and the food aggression that had sometimes been aimed at my cat, I was at my limit.
We got him in for a 2 week stay at a very well regarded training facility (no negative reinforcement, it was a good place). And he did better- leash reactivity a little better, better with the cat. We worked hard with him to keep improving.
At some point in the next ~6 months, things started to get bad again... severe leash reactivity (lunging, snarling, fierce barking at other dogs and sometimes people without dogs whenever he was on a leash or in the car). He scared some people in our neighborhood. I struggled a lot with this.
Over Christmas around this time he snapped/snarled and lunged at my sister in law while she was sitting at the dining room table. We were super confused initially but later realized it was our fault for putting his crate (something he was pretty protective over) near the table and I think she touched it or scooted back into it while in her chair. Again, we figured it out later and did not blame the dog for it.
At a vet visit he once snapped at a tech who tried to put a slip lead on him. He was so scared that he backed into a corner and snarled at anyone who approached. It was as if he’d had a bad experience at the vet (never had a problem before, to our knowledge). The vet who was super understanding and sympathetic recommended a certified behaviorist who had helped a lot of “lost causes”.
So we had a couple consults with the behaviorist so he could see the problem before he went away for another 2 week stay. Came back and we had a couple sessions where he then trained us to maintain Dudley’s progress - he was wonderful and did not think Dudley was a lost cause but did describe him as troubled, sensitive and anxious. Dudley did very well with the behaviorist, which made it painfully obvious that it was US causing the problem, not Dudley. We worked on ourselves too — calming exercises and trying very hard to not impose our own fears and anxiety on the dog who seemed to be mirroring it.
We worked relentlessly for many months and things got a LOT better after that stay with the behaviorist — food aggression, resource guarding were almost completely resolved. We could trust him home alone with the cat again, which was a great relief for me. The leash reactivity was loads better, but not resolved by any means.
We moved into a townhome around this time and continued to work with him, but admittedly did slip a bit on the training.
About 2 years have passed since we moved. We went on a 10 day vacation about a year ago and we had Dudley stay with the behaviorist for a refresher While we were gone. Things continued to be manageable but not 100% great— almost always good when in the house (he’s sweet and cuddly and affectionate at home) but reactive when leashed or in the car.
We had at this point been resigned for a few years that he was not the type of dog who could “go anywhere” with us, but we were ok and had adapted to it.
6 months ago I got pregnant with our first. A few months in, I had an incident with him where I tried to lead him by the collar toward something he was anxious about (100% my fault) and suffered for it with multiple scratches and dark bruises on my arms, chest and face. He did put his mouth on my arms but did not bite down— the damage was all from his claws (which we have NEVER been able to clip ourselves due to his reaction to it - they’ve only ever been trimmed by the trainer and once under anesthesia when he had his teeth cleaned). I was freaked out and told my husband that I was worried things were getting bad again (the leash reactivity has been worsening, the reactivity in the car was worse, and now he injured me — and there’s a baby coming.
We booked another consultation + weeklong stay + train-the-humans session with the behaviorist for a few weeks later. In the meantime, we started Dudley on Prozac at the vet’s recommendation. We had been resistant to this until now.
I feel like the Prozac hadn’t really had a chance to take effect a couple weeks later when he went to stay with the behaviorist. Behaviorist wasn’t thrilled with the Prozac because he thinks it can dull the dogs “warning cues” leading the dog to seem more unpredictable than he really is, but he was okay with Dudley staying on it.
He came back and we had our debrief session with the trainer — Dudley was great with the trainer, as usual and displayed no reactivity while he was around.
So we were back to short training walks and working on calming down before we left the house each day. Things seemed not much different.
Had a few bad incidents with him reacting while outside. Once at the end of a training walk toward a neighbor’s dog (using my pregnant body as a launching pad for his lunges while snarling and barking with hackles raised). Once at a neighbor (without a dog) about 20feet away in front of our house where he scared her (and me).
I again started to have serious fears for bringing a baby into this mix. I brought up rehoming with my husband. We decided to keep trucking and see what happens. The long-term goal was to move into a house with a yard where Dudley would basically be housebound. This was a heartbreaking decision as I do not think it’s a fair or whole life for a dog, but it seemed like the only option. We live in a fairly expensive city where a house with a yard will be pricey. This would not be able to happen for at least 1-2 years.
This morning I was prepping Dudleys breakfast on top of his crate (no food was even out yet) when the cat started to walk towards us. Dudley lunged for the cat and snapped/snarled at his neck. Cat was spooked but unharmed- didn’t even have dog spit on his neck, but obviously this was a close call.
I told my husband I think we’re idiots to keep letting this happen- I’m afraid something terrible is going to happen to us, the cat or the baby coming in 3 months and that we’re going to only have ourselves to blame because it’s not like there weren’t warning signs.
He’s very upset but willing to rehome Dudley — only because he knows this is what I think is our only option and he wants me to feel safe. He’d be doing it for me, not because he thinks it’s the right thing to do.
I do not want to be the one who did this to Us. I do not want to be the one who did this to Dudley. I do not think I would ever get over the guilt. I do not think I could ever forgive myself for abandoning my dog who I adopted and vowed to care for and raise. I do not know how I will ever forgive myself for being the one who took Dudley away from my husband and fracturing this little family we have. I wouldn’t blame my husband for resenting me (he said he wouldn’t resent me.. but I don’t see how that’s possible).
I love Dudley. My husband loves Dudley. He’s our little guy and I can’t even bring myself to picture him in another home or in a foster home waiting to be adopted. He would be so scared and anxious and confused and sad.
I cannot count the sleepless nights or the tears I’ve shed over this. How would we even begin to explain to our friends and family and neighbors. How would I ever feel like I could adopt another dog later on without thinking of the dog I abandoned? How could I ever move on from this?
Dudley is 3.5 y/o ~45lb mutt (dna profile said chow/rottie/shepherd mix, but mostly he’s a mutt).
My husband and I adopted him from a rescue at ~7 weeks old. His mom was hit by a car when he was just a week old, so he and his littermates were taken to a shelter that was unable to bottle feed so many babies. They were taken in by a local rescue organization who split them into groups of 2 or three and placed them in foster homes.
We brought him home a little earlier than usual because his littermate who was fostered in the same home was very sick and had a long stay at the vet for major surgery. So, if he wasn’t going to be with his mom or another puppy to socialize with anyway, we got to take him home early. All this to say he did not get a proper opportunity to socialize with his mom and littermates.. we did not realize this would have such an impact.
We started socializing and training immediately. We were determined to raise a good doggo. Lots of walks and training and meeting people and dogs— no immediate problems.
Around the “fear stage” we started noticing food aggression/resource guarding toward us and our adult cat and leash reactivity when outside. By this point he had been though the basic puppy training classes and was fully potty trained.
Around maybe ~11 months old, he bit me when I tried to take a piece of trash from him that he had collected on a walk- it broke skin and bled a lot. I was devastated and scared. Between this and the food aggression that had sometimes been aimed at my cat, I was at my limit.
We got him in for a 2 week stay at a very well regarded training facility (no negative reinforcement, it was a good place). And he did better- leash reactivity a little better, better with the cat. We worked hard with him to keep improving.
At some point in the next ~6 months, things started to get bad again... severe leash reactivity (lunging, snarling, fierce barking at other dogs and sometimes people without dogs whenever he was on a leash or in the car). He scared some people in our neighborhood. I struggled a lot with this.
Over Christmas around this time he snapped/snarled and lunged at my sister in law while she was sitting at the dining room table. We were super confused initially but later realized it was our fault for putting his crate (something he was pretty protective over) near the table and I think she touched it or scooted back into it while in her chair. Again, we figured it out later and did not blame the dog for it.
At a vet visit he once snapped at a tech who tried to put a slip lead on him. He was so scared that he backed into a corner and snarled at anyone who approached. It was as if he’d had a bad experience at the vet (never had a problem before, to our knowledge). The vet who was super understanding and sympathetic recommended a certified behaviorist who had helped a lot of “lost causes”.
So we had a couple consults with the behaviorist so he could see the problem before he went away for another 2 week stay. Came back and we had a couple sessions where he then trained us to maintain Dudley’s progress - he was wonderful and did not think Dudley was a lost cause but did describe him as troubled, sensitive and anxious. Dudley did very well with the behaviorist, which made it painfully obvious that it was US causing the problem, not Dudley. We worked on ourselves too — calming exercises and trying very hard to not impose our own fears and anxiety on the dog who seemed to be mirroring it.
We worked relentlessly for many months and things got a LOT better after that stay with the behaviorist — food aggression, resource guarding were almost completely resolved. We could trust him home alone with the cat again, which was a great relief for me. The leash reactivity was loads better, but not resolved by any means.
We moved into a townhome around this time and continued to work with him, but admittedly did slip a bit on the training.
About 2 years have passed since we moved. We went on a 10 day vacation about a year ago and we had Dudley stay with the behaviorist for a refresher While we were gone. Things continued to be manageable but not 100% great— almost always good when in the house (he’s sweet and cuddly and affectionate at home) but reactive when leashed or in the car.
We had at this point been resigned for a few years that he was not the type of dog who could “go anywhere” with us, but we were ok and had adapted to it.
6 months ago I got pregnant with our first. A few months in, I had an incident with him where I tried to lead him by the collar toward something he was anxious about (100% my fault) and suffered for it with multiple scratches and dark bruises on my arms, chest and face. He did put his mouth on my arms but did not bite down— the damage was all from his claws (which we have NEVER been able to clip ourselves due to his reaction to it - they’ve only ever been trimmed by the trainer and once under anesthesia when he had his teeth cleaned). I was freaked out and told my husband that I was worried things were getting bad again (the leash reactivity has been worsening, the reactivity in the car was worse, and now he injured me — and there’s a baby coming.
We booked another consultation + weeklong stay + train-the-humans session with the behaviorist for a few weeks later. In the meantime, we started Dudley on Prozac at the vet’s recommendation. We had been resistant to this until now.
I feel like the Prozac hadn’t really had a chance to take effect a couple weeks later when he went to stay with the behaviorist. Behaviorist wasn’t thrilled with the Prozac because he thinks it can dull the dogs “warning cues” leading the dog to seem more unpredictable than he really is, but he was okay with Dudley staying on it.
He came back and we had our debrief session with the trainer — Dudley was great with the trainer, as usual and displayed no reactivity while he was around.
So we were back to short training walks and working on calming down before we left the house each day. Things seemed not much different.
Had a few bad incidents with him reacting while outside. Once at the end of a training walk toward a neighbor’s dog (using my pregnant body as a launching pad for his lunges while snarling and barking with hackles raised). Once at a neighbor (without a dog) about 20feet away in front of our house where he scared her (and me).
I again started to have serious fears for bringing a baby into this mix. I brought up rehoming with my husband. We decided to keep trucking and see what happens. The long-term goal was to move into a house with a yard where Dudley would basically be housebound. This was a heartbreaking decision as I do not think it’s a fair or whole life for a dog, but it seemed like the only option. We live in a fairly expensive city where a house with a yard will be pricey. This would not be able to happen for at least 1-2 years.
This morning I was prepping Dudleys breakfast on top of his crate (no food was even out yet) when the cat started to walk towards us. Dudley lunged for the cat and snapped/snarled at his neck. Cat was spooked but unharmed- didn’t even have dog spit on his neck, but obviously this was a close call.
I told my husband I think we’re idiots to keep letting this happen- I’m afraid something terrible is going to happen to us, the cat or the baby coming in 3 months and that we’re going to only have ourselves to blame because it’s not like there weren’t warning signs.
He’s very upset but willing to rehome Dudley — only because he knows this is what I think is our only option and he wants me to feel safe. He’d be doing it for me, not because he thinks it’s the right thing to do.
I do not want to be the one who did this to Us. I do not want to be the one who did this to Dudley. I do not think I would ever get over the guilt. I do not think I could ever forgive myself for abandoning my dog who I adopted and vowed to care for and raise. I do not know how I will ever forgive myself for being the one who took Dudley away from my husband and fracturing this little family we have. I wouldn’t blame my husband for resenting me (he said he wouldn’t resent me.. but I don’t see how that’s possible).
I love Dudley. My husband loves Dudley. He’s our little guy and I can’t even bring myself to picture him in another home or in a foster home waiting to be adopted. He would be so scared and anxious and confused and sad.
I cannot count the sleepless nights or the tears I’ve shed over this. How would we even begin to explain to our friends and family and neighbors. How would I ever feel like I could adopt another dog later on without thinking of the dog I abandoned? How could I ever move on from this?