Do you ever end up terrified that every day with your dog could be their last with you?
Whether there’s a medical reason or just anxiety from past dogs passing away unexpectedly, do you guys ever just get stuck in that feeling?
It really sucks. I just feel alone and stupidly emotional and anxious for what seems like no reason.
———————————————————
The rest is me venting about why I feel this way.
I want to make every day count with my old lady baby Pig. I try. She doesn’t play much or anything but she likes jogs and walks and food and naps. I literally get hives from dogs and other allergy symptoms but I love them so much. So I just don’t sleep in the same bed but that makes me feel like a bad person because well, I’ve had her my whole life and hers.
She’s my moon and stars. My comfort on cloudy days. My warm cup of tea on a cold night and umbrella on a rainy day. My spirit guide. My baby. She appears like a dream to me, so peaceful with wide shining eyes and wispy white fur. Splotches of pink, gray, brown, and black. Such a gentle spirit.
She survived a baby rattlesnake bite at 4 years old, saved me by barking at rattlesnakes in the yard, and somehow has multiple healed fractures in her paws. We found out when she broke her toe and had to get it X-rayed and amputated. I’m terrified it’ll happen again or worse.
I’m scared to get tissue samples of her old lady bumps because if it is malignant, what then? I can’t even bear the hypotheticals. One time, she fell over at night and I can’t remember why. She was so disoriented. It happened twice that night.
I let her know I love her every time and if I have to leave the house, I’ll be back. I’m so scared. I check if she’s breathing a lot because she can breathe so gently and with her fur, sometimes I can’t tell immediately.
She walks and runs happy. Eats well and relieves herself well. She’s even on Prozac for her anxiety now.
My first dog Cheerio who grew up with her passed in August 2018 unexpectedly. It tore me apart. Eventually, my family chose to adopt another dog Pepperjack to help us all heal better and feel love. It was difficult at first but he eventually got us all out of our depression.
Present day, I just took in a foster Mikki. He’s young and it wasn’t plan A to foster him but his owner surrendered him after contact via microchip and the shelter is overflowing. He does better with my dogs than the other pups I’ve picked up.
But I’m just worried. That my current hyperactive, attention hog of a dog already takes a lot of my vision and attention.
I don’t want the dog I found to be out on the streets or traumatized again from the shelter despite their good will and best efforts.
But I don’t want my baby girl to be insecure. I don’t want my little man to feel entitled to me. I don’t want the Mikki baby to steal me away from them.
I’m worried I’m not enough for them. Maybe I never was but now I’m scared. I’m scared that I don’t have enough love and affection or the depth to properly distribute them.
Thanks if you made it this far. It’s like 2AM CST right now. And I just I’m stuck. And I guess I just want to feel heard at the least.
Whether there’s a medical reason or just anxiety from past dogs passing away unexpectedly, do you guys ever just get stuck in that feeling?
It really sucks. I just feel alone and stupidly emotional and anxious for what seems like no reason.
———————————————————
The rest is me venting about why I feel this way.
I want to make every day count with my old lady baby Pig. I try. She doesn’t play much or anything but she likes jogs and walks and food and naps. I literally get hives from dogs and other allergy symptoms but I love them so much. So I just don’t sleep in the same bed but that makes me feel like a bad person because well, I’ve had her my whole life and hers.
She’s my moon and stars. My comfort on cloudy days. My warm cup of tea on a cold night and umbrella on a rainy day. My spirit guide. My baby. She appears like a dream to me, so peaceful with wide shining eyes and wispy white fur. Splotches of pink, gray, brown, and black. Such a gentle spirit.
She survived a baby rattlesnake bite at 4 years old, saved me by barking at rattlesnakes in the yard, and somehow has multiple healed fractures in her paws. We found out when she broke her toe and had to get it X-rayed and amputated. I’m terrified it’ll happen again or worse.
I’m scared to get tissue samples of her old lady bumps because if it is malignant, what then? I can’t even bear the hypotheticals. One time, she fell over at night and I can’t remember why. She was so disoriented. It happened twice that night.
I let her know I love her every time and if I have to leave the house, I’ll be back. I’m so scared. I check if she’s breathing a lot because she can breathe so gently and with her fur, sometimes I can’t tell immediately.
She walks and runs happy. Eats well and relieves herself well. She’s even on Prozac for her anxiety now.
My first dog Cheerio who grew up with her passed in August 2018 unexpectedly. It tore me apart. Eventually, my family chose to adopt another dog Pepperjack to help us all heal better and feel love. It was difficult at first but he eventually got us all out of our depression.
Present day, I just took in a foster Mikki. He’s young and it wasn’t plan A to foster him but his owner surrendered him after contact via microchip and the shelter is overflowing. He does better with my dogs than the other pups I’ve picked up.
But I’m just worried. That my current hyperactive, attention hog of a dog already takes a lot of my vision and attention.
I don’t want the dog I found to be out on the streets or traumatized again from the shelter despite their good will and best efforts.
But I don’t want my baby girl to be insecure. I don’t want my little man to feel entitled to me. I don’t want the Mikki baby to steal me away from them.
I’m worried I’m not enough for them. Maybe I never was but now I’m scared. I’m scared that I don’t have enough love and affection or the depth to properly distribute them.
Thanks if you made it this far. It’s like 2AM CST right now. And I just I’m stuck. And I guess I just want to feel heard at the least.
