Tips for helping my male reactive dog feel more comfortable around my father

[memberofthebodyofchrist]

Golden retriever mix, neutered male, 4 years old.

5 months ago I rescued my boy, C, from an abusive home situation. His family was all too eager to get rid of him, and he’s such a sweet boy, that I grabbed him up. I knew that he had been being abused by one of the children, but after bringing him home, I’ve realized that it was probably many of the adult males in the home abusing him as well. I also know he witnessed the abusive child attacking a female in the home as well.

In the 5 months that I’ve had C, he’s fallen in love with my daughter and I, and our cats. He’s more on the submissive side, and will fear pee and happy pee, which he’s been doing less and less with me. However, he’s become incredibly protective over myself, my daughter, and our home. When I’ve introduced him to my female friends, he barks and acts tough, but after a bit he’ll calm down and accept them. Men however, he refuses to trust. My father comes over once every day to let C outside to potty and pick up my daughter’s tablet. My dad pets C and gives him treats, and C will calm down just long enough to happily eat the treat, get some pets, and then return to chasing my dad around the house barking and lunging at him. He’s never bitten anyone, but he will tap them with his nose and jump back and bark again. While I don’t think he will actually bite my father, I also know that fearful dogs can be unpredictable and it’s always a possibility.

Usually my dad will stand off to the side and my daughter will take C to the bathroom and whatnot, but during the times when I have to go out of town for work and my daughter isn’t a available, C will not eat or go outside to potty. He will simply follow my dad around barking at him. Is there anything we can do to help make C feel more comfortable around my father?

Let me know if I need to add any more information! Thank you!

 

[spyderco]

@memberofthebodyofchrist C has an abuse history with men specifically, so it’s understandable that C is reactive towards your father. However this needs to be managed. Those nose taps have the potential to turn into bites due to C’s fear based reactivity and aggression.

My reactive dog is the same way. Rescued from dog fighting, and has the scars to show for it. He has a lot of fear based reactivity that manifests as aggression, and my dog will bite if over threshold in a fear state. Think of it as fight or flight to the extreme.

First thing is the obligatory reach out to and start working with a behaviorist. Fear based reactivity and resource guarding are hard to manage without professional help and possible medication.

Here’s what worked for me but in your context: have your dad over, and have your dad ignore your dog. C’s afraid of your dad and men. You need to be present during these visits all the time. Your dad needs to let C come to him, no approaching C to give them pets, or anything. A chill couch environment worked wonders for my reactive dog. Eventually with his owner’s “permission” (aka just us allowing a guest to be in our house) he would get curious and approach and ask for pets. I also practice a lot of consent based training at home on my own time without guests, so it’s pretty obvious when my reactive dog wants to have an interaction vs when he wants to be left alone.

Also make sure your dad fully understands. A lot of people say “I love dogs, dogs love me!” and stick their faces into a reactive dog’s face or some other antics around a fear reactive dog. Help your dad with education on letting C come to him, tossing treats, and not pushing an interaction if C doesn’t want one. Have an open crate or a room that C is comfortable in readily available and work with C on “going to bed” if they’re feeling overwhelmed. Make sure you never punish a growl, and make sure you and your dad respects a growl from C as a dog language of STOP.

 

[cbear87]

@memberofthebodyofchrist One of my dogs is very male reactive, and used to go nuts when my boyfriend was at my house. The only thing that worked was advice I was given by a trainer, which was for my dog to stay at my BF's house for a few days without me there at all. Coincidentally, a few days later I was out of town visiting family and my dogs were in boarding and not doing well. My BF picked them up and brought them back to his house, and from that point on my dog was completely different around him.

 

[dr650adv]

@memberofthebodyofchrist Fearful dogs tend to be more fearful of men. There are a lot of theories about why that is (hormonal differences that dogs can smell, deeper voices, being physically larger, moving differently, having scarier posture, etc) and your dad can only change some of those things like always using a friendly voice and not moving too quickly/forcefully (the way many men tend to unconsciously move through the world).

Every time you're putting your dog in a position where they're barking in fear that way, they're telling you that they are feeling unsafe and need space. If that barking isn't respected, the dog will eventually resort to biting...and that will not be their fault. You really should not be letting that nose boop situation happen. Your dog is really scared.

Your father has to be the person letting the dog out might not work. It might just be way too stressful for the dog to be able to pee or poop. Those are vulnerable states for the dog. You can experiment with having your dad talk softly and dropping treats while walking away from the dog. Never face the dog. Just keep their body turned to the side. Maybe throw a handful of kibble or treats for the dog to search for, but stay away and turned away.

You'll have to look at your yard and house and find a set up that will allow the dog to be let outside into a fenced area without your dad being physically present the whole time. Set up lots of baby gates inside so they will not have to interact directly inside.