Separation anxiety support

[nogamenolife]

I have an approx 2.5 y/o border collie mix (rescued from a shelter but per Embark, she is mixed with cattle dog and Aussie) who has severe separation anxiety (SA). Before us, it seems like she was on the streets for a while (potentially a bred farm/working dog that ran away or got lost?) as she was found on the street, severely underweight, and had several types of worms- all these health issues have resolved and she is now in good health.

We adopted her November 2020 (she was either 6 months to a year old, per vet estimates) and she has had SA since the very beginning. It started with excessive howling and barking the second we reached the door. We used to live in an apartment so we couldn’t let her bark/howl so we really bent over backwards making sure someone was always with her. With COVID and WFH, this wasn’t too difficult at the time. Even so, we have been working on her SA since we got her.

Things we have tried: crate and no crate, Karen Overall’s relaxation protocol, leaving TV on for sound, leaving treats, acknowledging her when we leave and also not acknowledging her when we leave, gradual desensitization starting with “door is a bore”, tons of mental and physical stimulation before we leave. Also personally I am a behavioral therapist (with kids) and we have hired two professional dog trainers. The first was completely out of her depth and the second has been fantastic- so supportive and empathetic; however, even with her individualized daily training plans on gradual desensitization, we haven’t gotten far. We have gotten up to 7 minutes twice and then she completely regressed back to 0 seconds. Out of the hundreds of dogs she has trained (she ONLY works in SA), she said our dog was Top 3 most difficult. We have also tried meds: currently she is on 30 mg of Prozac and .2 mg of Clonidine PRN. We temporarily increased to .4mg of Clonidine but it made her significantly more anxious so we stopped. She is about 38-40lbs

It is quite embarrassing to admit she hasn’t been left alone more than 10-15 minutes since we had her, and even then it is rough for her.

She is an amazing, intelligent, wonderful dog and we will never give up on her nor do we want her to be experiencing so much distress when we leave.

Sorry for the novel- I guess I am looking for support or any guidance around this issue. I posted in the separation anxiety subreddit before but it gets less traction. Also it’s a bummer to reflect back on a post I made a year ago and see no change.

Edited to add puppy tax of her asking if I am about to leave!

https://imgur.com/a/Lw0n1jF

 

[st831]

@nogamenolife I’m copying and pasting what I wrote on another SA post before, but I really do feel for those who have dogs with separation anxiety because I’ve absolutely been there.

Here’s what we tried:

• leaving him alone any time we got the chance. Even if that meant 10 seconds outside the door randomly throughout the day. And i made it random. I would go outside for 10seconds, 30 seconds, 5 seconds then 3 min.
  • I opened my curtains so he can physically see me “leave” thru the window. When I leave my apartment my dog runs to the window and watch me walk out of the apartment and get into my car. I noticed his behaviours drastically changed when i did this.
  • walks/exercise right before leaving. If i need to leave for dinner plans at 6, i will try to walk my dog around 4 or so for 30-1hr.
  • leave white noise on to conceal the noises. I have white noise play everytime i leave my dog alone. He almost thinks it as a sign that he naps now lol
  • i also leave tv on when i leave him alone. Marvel, shrek, 21 jumpstreet..
  • interrupt their barking/howling. In the beginning my dog would start crying/barking right as when i left the apartment. I decided that i wait by the door, and when he starts barking i would run into the apartment and tell him “no!” Or startle him in some way.
  • i got a furbo to watch him while training/ when im out so i can get notifications if he starts barking or howling.
  • I noticed he was actually fine being inside the car alone when i went grocery shopping. I took that advantage a lot. Because it helps him learn to be “alone” after all.
  • no greeting after i come back home. This one is really hard but i ignore my dog for first 5min when i come home. He would literally piss because of excitement but i would ignore until he’s calm down and gently say hi.
  • i left my phone number for my neighbors with cupcakes, just so they can let me know if noise is too much.
  • write down how long he goes without barking/howling when ur training. Know his limits and dont push too fast. If he starts barking and howling at 30min, go back home at 25min. Then slowly increase the time
  • I’ve also tried leaving voice recordings of me & my partner chatting and playing in another room. I think it might have calmed him down but i also heard it could make them confused as well!
  • I tried leaving him in one of the rooms first. He did not like being locked in a bedroom, so when we left him alone in the living room to roam free, he did not complain as much.
  • my dog still doesn’t like his crate except for when he goes to bed at night, i would try leaving him roam free if you can if he’s really not liking the crate.

Good luck!

 

[nogamenolife]

@st831 Thank you for these tips! I especially like #1- I almost think so much gradual desensitization has enabled my dog’s SA. With the advice of our trainer, we are just leaving for small increments now regardless of barking (she fortunately doesn’t self harm or destroy property and we moved to a house and have less neighbors now so the barking can be more tolerated than before). #1 is something I can implement throughout the day as I WFH.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I’m happy to hear your dog is better!

 

[singerum]

@nogamenolife Sorry to hear about your pupper, we know the pain of feeling like a prisoner in your home home because of SA, and also the pain of knowing your girl is howling away because she is worried you won't return.

#1 is exactly what worked for us. (3 times). This is a bit of a long story but I'm hoping you might be able to take something from this.

We have 2 miniature schnauzers who are 5 and 6 years old. Never really had any SA issues (although they would stand at the garden gate from the minute we would leave home until we arrived back. So I guess that is an issue, but at least it never turned into howling and barking)

Just over a year ago we emigrated, which meant that we were away from our babies for about 2 months and then they were put onto 2 very long flights to get to me. (My partner was away for a month when the dogs arrived). Once the dogs arrived I was not able to leave them for 5 seconds without them getting into a fit of howling and barking. Needless to say our neighbours did not like the new immigrants

• What I would do is grab everything as if I was leaving the house (keys, bag etc) but then not leave at all. Doing this randomly throughout the day.
• The next day I would do the same, but open the front gate, stand around for a bit and then close it and go back inside. Never acknowledging the dogs, just acting like nothing had happened.
• The next day I would mix the 2.
• The day after that, I took a bigger step and would stand just outside the gate with it being closed behind me.
• The day after that, I would be outside the gate walking in view of the dogs (always coming back inside before they would reach their threshold).
• The day after is the difficult one, where I would stand outside the gate, just around the corner, for only 5 seconds. I probably did this every hour for the entire day.
• Next day I extended to 10 seconds
• Day after extended to 30 seconds
• Day after 1 minute (This was exciting for me as I could sense progress)
• Day after 2 minutes
• Day after 5 minutes
• Day after 10 minutes
• Day after 15 minutes
• Then for the next few days - 20 minutes
• And again for another few days - 30 minutes (now is about the time you start taking a book with you)
• 45 minutes
• 1 hour (big celebration)
• etc etc etc but one thing to mention is that I would also keep it quite random as well. Adding in some 10/30 second outings every now and then.

Once you get to about 3 hours you should be ok, but as we all know, every dog is different, so you do what works for you. It's a painful and slow process, but the reward is so worth it - freedom for you and a dog who knows that when you leave the house, you will come back.

When my partner arrived back from her travels, it seemed to reset the dogs SA. So we had to restart the same process. However at a bit of a faster rate of increasing time away.

They were good for almost a year and then we unfortunately had to travel overseas for a month and leave our pups with trainers (they have a doggy hotel but also do training so we thought it would be good to get some help in their reactivity). Not only were we away for a month, but when we arrived back we also moved houses (from an actual house to a ground floor apartment). And guess what happened once we would leave the house, yep.

This time it was a bit harder as there was no gate for us to stand outside of ,with the dogs not being able to see us. But all we did was do more shorter stints of going out the apartment. We were then able to leave for 30 minutes, but there was one issue - when they would hear the elevator, they would think we were arriving home and would start howling if we did not enter the house soon after that. So to combat that we would leave the house, call the elevator once, wait, call it again and then enter the house. So we then added random elevator calls to our stints outside. Which seems to do the trick. Now if they hear the elevator they stand up at the door and if nobody comes back in, they seem to settle back down. Yesterday we hit the 3 hour mark and were actually able to go to the beach. We sat their smiling from ear to ear like idiots, having a real sense of satisfaction for all the hard work we (the dogs included) put in. Of course while also feeling terrified that they would begin howling at any time.

I'm sure you have tried this style of training, but I am hoping there is something in there which might stand out to you as a possible solution.

Unfortunately it's all about many many many hours of standing outside of your home, and not reacting to your dogs excitement when you return. We now give them a treat as soon as we return, so it feels like they have something to look forward to when we are back (we would give them treats before we leave in the past and they would just drop them and sit at the door).

Best of luck and thank you for caring so much for your pupper.

 

[julianwithjesus]

@nogamenolife We’re in similar spot, horrible SA (baseline 7 seconds), on fluoxetine and clonidine. We basically gave up and found a pet sitter. Once we resolve reactivity issues, then maybe we will try again with desensitisation, but it’s just so draining I couldn’t handle both SA treatment and reactivity treatment.

 

[nogamenolife]

@julianwithjesus Oh I feel your pain and struggle! Our dog is also fearful of people and any dog bigger than her. We too hire a pet sitter (who she hates of course) when we on the rare occasion leave for an hour or two and she can’t come. I even had to hire one when I had to leave for 20 minutes to pick something up down the street. It’s a bit embarrassing and unless you deal with SA personally, you just don’t understand! Good luck!!

 

[godenthusiast]

@nogamenolife I was fortunate that my dog didn’t experience SA, but I follow the thetobyproject and I know they’ve successfully overcome separation anxiety for what that’s worth.

 

[nogamenolife]

@godenthusiast Thank you for that resource- I will check it out!

 

[mshanzel23]

@nogamenolife Friends of mine have a dog with extreme SA that wasn't responding to much of anything. They tried to have someone home as much as possible and still dealt with a lot of destruction.

Separately, they decided to help foster/test out a potential second dog. Never expecting anything, but the second dog completely calmed her down! Completely. It's been absolutely stunning and not something they were even hoping for, and not something I'd really suggest, but seeing it work... I dunno. Thought it was worth a mention, since you've tried so very much??

 

[nogamenolife]

@mshanzel23 Thanks for the idea! I have heard that before- that a second dog “magically” cured their dog’s SA. I’m not ready for that though yet- one border collie is so much work and it seems like a gamble tbh haha

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@nogamenolife A lot of shelters do what's called slumber pups, that could be an option to try it out and see if it helps (obviously don't go far at all you want to be right on the other side of an unlocked door considering it's a strange dog, in case you hear growls or other warning signals)

 

[mshanzel23]

@nogamenolife It really does seem like a huge gamble! Something like they did to help a foster, with a very easy out, is probably the only way it could really work. Unless you've got a place like the other person mentioned; I don't think any of the rescues here have that.

 

[jubeth]

@nogamenolife This post feels somewhat like looking in a mirror. We also adopted a reactive border collie in Nov 2020 while living in a small apartment in downtown Portland. She would yelp when we would leave and when my fiance would approach the door or go to the bathroom. We put her on fluoxotine (sp?) and did those same things you are doing. Two things that have been a big break through for us: licky mats and moving to a place where we are ground floor with a sliding glass door. I would work on walking out the back sliding glass door while she has a little bit of peanut butter on a licky mat, all while staying in her sight. Then moved out of her vision when she got more comfortable with that. Eventually I set up a chair outside not visible from the glass door and would leave her with a licky mat while I would read (gradually increasing the time to two hours alone). "Door is a bore" did seem to work for us a bit though but the location change seemed to make a big difference. I know that isn't possible for everyone to do though! Best of luck! Your dog is adorable

Edit: Our Collie has a piebald face too:

https://imgur.com/a/9ofDUDk

 

[nogamenolife]

@jubeth Aw they do look so alike! What a cute dog! Since we moved to a house, things have gotten better meaning she is overall calmer which is great. It is nice to hear some success stories- hopefully one day we will have one too!

 

[josh1992]

@nogamenolife Hi! I’m in a similar boat now with my beagle. I moved to an apartment last august and her mild anxieties got worse. I’d label my girl— mild to severe. My vet and I put her on Prozac about 10-11 weeks ago and I’ve noticed some positive change. The biggest things that have improved her (not nearly cured) — letting her free roam in my room with the door closed. Yes— some pieces of my door are a little destroyed but she is getting better. She thrives on routine— so I’m trying to leave on a routine. Sound recordings of me talking and our household activities have helped— I recommend voice memos or Soundlab.

I’ve stopped suspending absences (more than 2 hours, I drop her at my parents). I try to leave at least once a day— a mix of longer absences and short 15 min coffee runs. I’m noticing that my lack of absences is actually more stressful because then she can’t handle any amount of time. I’d say her threshold is about 25-30 and she’s gone as long as 55 minutes with zero barking. Unfortunately she is the type of dog that is anxious even if another human is home with her. I think I’m enabling her to control my life a little too much and luckily she’s past the full panic stage.

Hang in there and keep testing things out— you can’t pour from an empty cup.

 

[nogamenolife]

@josh1992 I totally understand the enabling piece- we did so much “door is a bore” and gradual de-sensitization and re-started the whole thing 3x! I am at the place now too where I’m just leaving for 10 minutes at a time. We started that this week and it’s been horrible though. She really panics. Hoping something clicks for her one day and she just realizes “oh they are coming back” Thanks for your reply!

 

[kh7777]

@nogamenolife just chiming in to say we're in the same boat - we spent over a year fully suspending absences outside subthreshold training, and we're... just done with that lol. i truly hate to think of my dog panicking, but after a year of training (alongside meds!) it became clear that it wasn't working and we couldn't live our lives that way any more. my dog's mental health is very important, but it's not as important as mine or my family's - hard stop. we are continuing to try new medications and strategies (bully sticks, kongs, etc.) to minimize his stress, but we're just hoping he gets less stressed as time goes on/he gets older (he's 2.5). not sure what else to do at this point...

 

[nogamenolife]

@kh7777 Wow we are in the same situation exactly! Nice to know we are not alone. Good luck to you and doggie!

 

[dwdw2400]

@nogamenolife I had a border collie mix, pepper. and she was very sensitive to sound and followed me everywhere. We ended up taking in another dog (a young 9 mo old street dog) she was so much calmer. Get another dog, so your dog not left alone.