Roommate's Dog is My Nightmare

[clave]

I have a roommate (X) who has a 5 year old dog that is just the bane of my existence. X and I have been friends for years, and they moved in about a year ago. Their dog looks a bit like a basenji, but is def a mutt of some sort. And I am getting so fed up. He is constantly barking at everything (we live in a ground floor apartment...everything), and he lunges at everyone who comes in. It took him a whole year to not bark at me when I left my room; and even now if I talk slightly louder than normal, laugh, cry, or make any movement he isn't expecting - he gets right up in my face and growls. We'll have the same friends over every week, and he does the same routine with the added bonus of growling if one of them moves too close to "his" side of the couch.

X has tried to use treats as a reward for when I walk inside the apartment without him barking, and it works for me. It does not work for anyone else we have in the apartment as he will remain silent, get his treat, and then start barking once everyone is inside the house. He doesn't respond to the place command (but to be fair, X enforced that for all of a week).

X also plays with him in a way that makes me nervous - he jumps up and nearly knocks them down, barking, growling, exposing teeth, snarling. It sounds like he is attacking someone, but they're just playing. X says "he has his body language mixed up" as a joke, but I've been to their parent's house and saw of their parents dog start foaming at the mouth because he was barking so much.

I haven't had any of my family over since X moved in unless the dog was at their parents place. The only one of my people that is remotely comfortable coming over is my partner K. K has worked for Animal Control, and has adopted plenty of shelter dogs that needed training. K says that my roommate's dog is one that they wouldn't be comfortable handling without a muzzle (and I've seen K handle a coyote). K also mentioned that the dog never breaks eye contact, but I'm not sure what that means in dog body language.

X does know that the dog's behavior is a problem, it gives them major anxiety - but they travel a lot for work (in that time the dog stays with their parent's since I am not home enough to take him out), and they are struggling with depression and are having the hardest time keeping up any consistency. (Also - they use the same high pitch voice for everything with the dog, and it drives me nuts, and I'm not sure if the dog can even tell what tones are praise and which ones are disappointments).

X locks him in their room when we're both out of the house, they had a crate for him - but no longer use it. And for all his jumping, he stays behind the baby gate for their room (just barking the whole time). They don't take him on walks often, our complex is so busy they worry about children running up and getting hurt (though they say by his jumping, not biting), and there's a dog in another apartment and once those two see each other X's dog looses it - screaming, pulling, and barking. X has ended up with bloody scratches from pulling him back.

X swears he's never going to bite someone, but I'm getting so fed up that if he did bite someone at lest X would be forced to do something about his behavioral issues. I work in an office that allows dogs, and even though the ones up here aren't perfectly trained - I at least feel comfortable being alone in a room with one of them.

I wish I could force X fix the anxiety cycle by being consistent with training, or getting a trainer, but I'm afraid I'd have to do the emotional labor of keeping track of them and/or finding a trainer and I'm already barely managing my own burnout. I just wanted to vent and get some validation for this frustration and bitterness.

 

[childman]

@clave I'm sorry, this sounds like a terrible situation to be in. You are correct that this dog needs professional intervention, and possibly even meds, to have any hope of progress. But without X being on board, that probably won't happen.

For the time being, control what you can. That means a lot of management, at least as much as you possibly can do. You said the dog barks at things outside - get some of that static cling window film so he can't see people walking around outside. It goes up with water so it's completely renter-friendly and it's an absolute lifesaver for like $10. If he barks at sounds outside, playing the radio or a white noise machine might be helpful.

X should muzzle train their dog, and try to do walks at times when there are less people out. This is a management strategy (less people = less reacting while getting exercise) but if they ever pursue formal training it will be helpful for that as well, as they can do behavior mod exercises around a few people without it being too overwhelming and causing trigger stacking.

IMO, this dog for the time being should just be put up when company comes over. Either in a kennel, or baby gated away so that he can't reach anyone and risk a bite. It would probably help his stress levels, too, to not have to interact with people that make him uncomfortable and would prevent him from rehearsing the reactive/aggressive behavior.

I sympathize with X, as I have also struggled with depression and I know that having a behaviorally challenging dog doesn't make things easier. And this kind of behavior often has a genetic component, so it's likely that he'll never be totally social and that's okay, but X needs to do something to keep other people safe and their dog fulfilled. Even if they choose to never pursue behavior mod, they need to have a really strong management system in place so that everyone is safe and their dog is getting his needs met.