Partner too Harsh on Puppy?

[torak_skye]

Husband and I are looking after a friends puppy for a couple weeks. I’m looking for advice from people more experienced than us as we’ve never had a dog.

She’s 12 weeks old and hasn’t been exposed outdoors much e.g. cars, bright lights. Took her on a 10-15min walk this evening to get her familiar with outside and she was anxious and whining the entire time. I wanted to bring her back sooner but husband said to keep her out a bit to get her used to it.

Once we arrived back outside the house, she was clearly a bit anxious, whining a little and eager to get in. I thought we should just let her back in but husband said you have to keep her out until all whining stops and then she can be let back in when they’re fully calm so they “don’t associate the walk with negativity”. This sounded like bullshit to me and I just wanted to get her inside, but he made her wait a couple mins until the whining subsided a little. I felt bad as it was cold (11 celsius) and she was tired.

She was still a little anxious and shaking for a couple mins inside but then she was fine. My point is it made no difference waiting for her to calm down at the door as she was still anxious when we got in. I think my husbands’s approach is mean and bullshit. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[aaronfrisien]

@torak_skye I think my husband’s approach is mean and bullshit.

Nailed it. Do you have kids, cause I hope he isn't this much of an AH with them?

Puppy now likely thinks walks are scary.

 

[believerwithquestions]

@torak_skye If that dog hasn't had it's first 3 rounds of shots it better not be exposed to anything outside.

And unless you cleared that wifh your friend I'd be pissed if I was them.

Parvo Is a serious danger and its everywhere.

But your husband is right. To a point. .. no animal needs to be outside for any period of time in 11 degree weather and damn sure not someone else's dog.

Coddling a dog that's afraid of something that is a normal occurrence n nothing to fear such as being outside, is only gonna reinforce the fear. Instead of leaving the dog outside alone a better thing to do would be be there with him but completely disengage and ignore any attempts from the puppy to seek comfort from you. It sounds mean. But if you're holding and hugging a puppy every time a car goes down the street or the wind blows its gonna teach that dog that EVERYTHING is scary.

And he's absolutely right though. You don't go back out to him while he's carrying on and crying again, this reinforces the negative behavior. Definitely not mean nor bullshit.
Hope that helps

 

[torak_skye]

@believerwithquestions She’s had her first round of shots. We didn’t know she can’t go out between now and the second, so we got her tested for parvo and she’s clear thankfully.

I’ve repeatedly told him it’s too cold (we’re based in UK and it’s winter here). We’re sticking to our own garden for now and taking her to the toilet outside too.

We never leave her outside alone. And It’s less crying and more whining that she does. I get not reinforcing fear but I’m still dubious about making her sit outside the house and not letting her enter until she’s stopped.

Thanks for your advice

 

[believerwithquestions]

@torak_skye Your welcome!!

Oh ps. Not to scare u but parvo can stay in the soul for like 7 years and all it takes is them smelling it in the air. So just be super cautious bc 1 round isn't enough unfortunately

Glad to hear the test was negative and that you are taking precautions now. It's amazing how many people don't know, I had assumed in the past it was common knowledge, which was pretty arrogant on my part.

And glad you aren't leaving the dog alone. In that case hate to say it but your bf is correct., unless of course the pups trying to come in bc it's so cold lol

I'm sure Yinz will do just fine with ur friends pup , you're certainly putting in the effort.

 

[prresearcher]

@believerwithquestions You really said no dog should be outside for any period of time in checks internet FIFTY DEGREE WEATHER???? That’s like a crisp fall day?

 

[believerwithquestions]

@prresearcher Hey dumbass!!!

Here's the part of My comment you're having issue wirh I think..

But your husband is right. To a point. .. no animal needs to be outside for any period of time i11 degree weather and damn sure not someone else's dog.

What the fuck is so controversial about that it got ur panties in a wad and wtf does it have to do with checking the internet or it being 50 degrees outside??? My comment was about 11 degrees...which is much colder than 50!!

 

[prresearcher]

@believerwithquestions First of all, I’m not OP so idk whose husband you’re commenting on. But yeah 11 degrees Celsius is not cold. At all.
Also maybe don’t call people dumbasses when you are wrong.

 

[believerwithquestions]

@prresearcher Did it ever occur to you that the unit of measurement wasn't originally provided ?? Or that If it had been it was overlooked??? Like...youre still tryin to be a smug asshat and tell me how not cold 50 degreess is like I'm some retarded offspring of yours.

Bc I live in a country that uses F. And i know i never would have commented about it being cold had C has been stated as the unit of measure...50 degrees F/11.C isn't cold. So if someone Iis saying 11 degrees is cold, then instead of tryin to shame them like you did, the rest of the people reading my comment were able to deduce that I was under the impression the temp was 11F. ..which is cold af...considering it's winter in my country that's not a huge leap

It's called critical thinking....you should try using it before trying to make others feel stupid n showing off how smart you think you are.

 

[prresearcher]

@believerwithquestions Sorry I assumed you actually read and comprehended the post? The amount of doubling down you did instead of just saying you were wrong or the post didn’t have that info when you commented is funny, if not a little embarrassing.
I don’t have offspring, I have dogs. Weird of you to bring that up tho.

 

[believerwithquestions]

@prresearcher There u go again with the passive-aggressive insults...if you had been direct and not forced me to decypher the point of your first comment, I wouldn't have been doubling down...

Who says I'm wrong?? I acknowledged that I may have overlooked their being a C but based on Ops.earlier responses well before you chimed in, she didn't correct me so why did u need to? U talk about reading comprehension yet you're too fucn dense to understand I was under the impression that it was F...not C...and you're the only commenter who didn't understand that. And your ego is so fragile that you had to make it feel better by trying to make Me look like an idiot....who the fucc thinks that 50 degrees is cold?!?!? Fucn narc lol

 

[greenteaa]

@torak_skye I'm going jump in on this and say your partner is partially right. Its important to expose a pup to new experiences, environments and challenges while they are still young. At the same time, you should know the difference between a pup being uncomfortable and a pup being way over threshold so to not push them too hard.

By the sounds of what you described, what your partner did sounds alright. He is right about entering and leaving the house in a calm manner. If the dog was whining a lot, instead of continuing to go further from the house, you could have walked back and forth within a close proximity of home. Retrace your steps until they are more comfortable. Praise and reward with treats for a good job. Gradually increase distance during the next walk.

You also don't have to walk a young puppy that far. 10-15min can be spent sniffing and acclimating to the surroundings. I like to practice neutrality with my dog. We will go to a busy park and we will just sit on the grass. She gets exposure to a lively and busy environment (people walking, running, bikes, strollers, kids running around screaming) but she doesn't necessarily need to be in the middle of it. She lays on a blanket calmly and I treat her every time she checks in with me using eye contact. If she's unable to settle, it means she above threshold and we create more distance from her and the stimuli and try again.

I personally don't allow my dog to get their way when they whine. I ask for a calm focused sit with eye contact. This includes when I am feeding them, giving them treats, letting them in/out, letting them on the bed, out of their kennel, greeting people, etc.

 

[martaaa]

@greenteaa Big caveat -- it's not their puppy. This puppy just went from her home, and I'm guessing at 12 weeks she's only been there a month max, to a brand new place with people she's not very familiar with. She's already anxious and unsure. OP and her husband really need to take it easy the first few days and let the puppy get used to her new environment.

Honestly I think it's kind of irresponsible for the owners to leave a young puppy for such a long time with people who've never had a dog before. OP, you might want to check out r/puppy101 for some more tips.

 

[greenteaa]

@martaaa 100% agree with you about the owner being irresponsible. Don't get a puppy if you can't care and train them. It's a commitment that you don't just hand off to someone for a few weeks.

For the sake of the puppy, they should still put in the work to get puppy acclimated slowly and do some basic training. Get to know the dogs threshold for being able to handle new experiences and know when it's too much. So it's a good sign that OP is seeking advice. They also accepted the responsibility to care for it. If they can't handle a puppy, they should have declined. We don't know the full situation on how this arrangement came to be.

 

[torak_skye]

@greenteaa Thanks for the advice. I’ll definitely suggest keeping her closer to home until she feels more comfortable.

 

[biblerainbow]

@torak_skye I am no expert but this would just lessen the trust between the puppy bc he is being unresponsive to her whining signal… you can maybe hold her while u walk outside so she doesn’t need to be on leash? Keeping her outside and simply waiting for her to stop whining at the doorstep might help her not associate the walk w negativity but it also doesn’t associate with positivity either, so i don’t think that “waiting at doorstep” strategy would work

 

[torak_skye]

@biblerainbow That makes sense and this is what I tried to get across to him. Waiting at the door will achieve nothing except just arbitrarily make her wait, get colder and more tired.

 

[michaeldb]

@torak_skye Heres what I did for all my dogs.
I would watch them and take them on short potty breaks every hour or two. When it was walking time we would walk. Please note that puppies even though energetic, are still babies and need to rest a lot. If this is not your puppy, I would abide by the rules set from the owner and what makes you guys feel comfortable. She is so so young and missing her owner so she will definitely be a little anxious with you guys.