Our puppy only responds to my husband

[dbbbb]

Husband and I recently brought home a 9 week old Lab puppy. He’s doing great with potty training, sit, and come.

However, he only responds to my husband. We use the same silly voices/commands/hand signals/treats and it’s like he’s never heard any of it in his life when it comes from me. He only bites me when we play. It takes me twice as long to get him outside because he fights the leash, my shoes, my jacket, etc. Once he’s on the leash, he just sits down and I have to carry him outside to go potty.

We have never had a dog before and we met with a private trainer yesterday. I mentioned this to the trainer and he said that l “sounded more mean” than my husband. I’m not sure what to do with that… I don’t think the dog is picking up on my New York accent.

Obviously my feelings are hurt (which sounds silly) but more important is that I WFH so he’s with me all day. If I’m not the favorite, fine, but I have to have some semblance of control or this is going to be awful once he’s 75 pounds.

Help!!

 

[vanessastudentresearcher]

@dbbbb Don't expect much from your 9 week puppy, they're just a baby!! I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself and them. Make sure the treats you give him are higher reward so chicken or anything else he regards as a very high reward. You can take it to basics and reward every time he looks at you in the eye. He will get it

 

[straf]

@vanessastudentresearcher Right? The poor thing has only been earth-side for a couple months!

My dog listens to me over my husband, but it’s because he kills commands by repeating them over and over without giving pup a chance to think. I say his name for attention, give the command, and then wait. If he doesn’t respond, I say his name again and cock my head to the side. 99% of the time he will do what I asked previously.

 

[kitsoni]

@dbbbb I don’t think it’s necessarily about sounding mean or you/your husband being the favorite.

You said he was mainly with you as you WFH. Maybe he is just more comfortable around you so he expresses himself a bit more. He bites you because he is a puppy not because he doesn’t like you. He bites his lead because he is a puppy. Maybe he is less comfortable around your husband to do these things. Just keep being patient and nice and find what his favorite treats are to keep him motivated. He is only a tiny baby. All he needs to learn right now is that he is safe, loved and where potty is. He needs to learn that the world is not a dangerous place.

Also keep in mind - you never want to set your pup up for failure. Don’t ask him to come or sit if he isn’t in the right mindset for it. Like if he is smelling something and completely focused on the ground, wait until he lifts his head and look at you to ask him to come. It will make training way easier and faster.

 

[dukedesu]

@dbbbb I wonder if doing the "nothing in life is free" protocol or something similar to that for a while would help with getting him to engage with you. I imagine he's probably food motivated because he's a lab puppy.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@dbbbb Don’t worry about it, it will even out. My husband has a very deep voice and our lab was terrified of him the first 2 weeks. After 2 weeks, she started being the way you describe with me and didn’t respect me and fought everything with bites and temper tantrums & loved my husband - now she’s being a little brat to my husband again.

They are just babies … it takes time for them to settle into your home and it will get better. Make sure to set equal boundaries and rules with your husband so one isn’t showing more leniency / favoritism towards her.

 

[lizam]

@dbbbb Our dogs have generally been more obedient for me than my wife. I don't think sounding mean ever had anything to do with it. Sounding firm, and the fact that I am the male probably did. My wife was definitely the favorite of our three oldest dogs. She spent more time with them as young pups, and is a softy sharing treats with them. Of course we know that food is a way to a dog's heart, but also cuddle time. I spend much more time one on one with our pups now days and my wife has the same complaint you do, that they don't listen to her. I tell her to spend more time with them without me and it will help the situation. Of course consistent training, recognizing the stage the pup is in to tailor your training to their age, and temperament all come into play here.

You sound like you are in a good place at 9 weeks old. Keep being consistent and spend time with the pup and you should see results.

Note: with a lab I definitely use a ball and treats to get the pups attention.

 

[dylan4512]

@dbbbb Hes only 9 weeks old, i wouldnt obsess commands or who he’s paying attention to the most at all at that age. Honestly in my opinion working on building a bond through play and hand feeding with no criteria is the most important at that age besides potty training and socialization. To me a dog who is secure and not scared is super easy to train later on. A dog that knows a bunch of commands but is scared and unsure is way harder to fix.

ETA: if the trainers main advice was that you sound more mean, id find a different trainer. Make sure youre looking for a well accredited force free/positive reinforcement only trainer.

 

[dylan4512]

Also, its too young to even be using commands anyway. I wouldnt name behaviors that young at all, just luring and using a marker is plenty for anything you can reasonably expect from a dog that young. Humans tend to talk too much

 

[dx70]

@dbbbb This is going to sound ridiculous, but maybe only have your husband treat with kibble for a while and you get to give the better treats and see if that helps!

I live alone with mine, and you should see him when we go to class, he will listen to the trainers, he will listen to the people around us, but occasionally he will look at me and be like nah, and only do things that other people are telling their dogs to do.

 

[rizon2278]

@dbbbb Sounds like you might just need to bond with him a bit more. Are you giving him some of his meals and outs and play sessions without your husband? Those are the best opportunities to bond and him to associate listening to you = good things happen. Sorry if that’s not helpful. My husband struggled with that for a bit with 2 of our 3 dogs. It got better the more one on one bonding time he had with them, but I know it was frustrating for him at first.

 

[titine]

@dbbbb Many saying he’s just a pup etc, ok but pups grow fast and this isn’t ok at any age! If possible you should be the only one to feed your pup until he starts to respond to you. You should start having him sit/stay and waiting for his kibble, it doesn’t have to be long but this exercise in general is important for many reasons and no he’s not too young to start training for these things. If your animal doesn’t respond to your asks, it will only get worse as be grows and a young lab, wired and going through puberty, not responding to your asks, that’s looking for trouble! It’s important that he respects and responds to both you and your husband, otherwise doing anything with this dog on your own will become hell! From now on you should be the one to feed him all meals until he starts to respond to you and if you can’t feed every meal, definitely make the meal you do feed count! You can start this exercise with a treat first, until he starts to grasp it. Anyway if you haven’t been having him sit and wait for his kibble, instead of rushing the bowl, it’s best to start that with a treat and then switch to his bowl of kibble, have him sit and stay, walk so many steps away from him, set his bowl down, don’t let him rush his dish, if he moves without you saying your release word, take him back to that spot and ask again, repetition and consistency, he’ll get it! Set his bowl down, count to 5-10 seconds to start and increase the time as you go, you begin the sol person to feed him until he responds and taking the time to train him to wait, he should start responding to your asks.

 

[vanessastudentresearcher]

@titine Mmm, even better if she could hand feed him in the sit command. I wouldnt make a 9 week old puppy sit and stay, they just don't have that kind of self control or focus until about 14 weeks old.

 

[queen_vashti]

@dbbbb I feel like some of the comments are saying psh don’t be silly your puppy is just that, a puppy. Which is very true tbh! But that your trainer said you sound more mean is. Bonkers to me.

So this reminds me a lot of my partner and me. My 5 mo golden bites him a looooot more, and she tends to be more focused and attentive with me. For us, I think it’s the reversed to what your trainer is saying. I’m the mean one (but not actually ). I think I am a lot more patient so if my poor puppy isn’t getting something, I’m not just gonna force it and move on. So if she’s biting me while I put on the leash, I wait for her to stop. I bring out some treats and touch her collar where I clip her leash; if she doesn’t go for my hand, I give her a treat. I reset and touch her collar again ; if she doesn’t bite, I might either give her a treat OR try to put the leash on. If she bites at any point, I don’t say anything or yell at her. I reset and try again. She’s just letting me know she’s uncomfy or over-stimulated. If she doesn’t bite, I give her a treat. I want her to be SO COMFY with me reaching for her and know that only good things happen.

This can take a lot of time, and it can be very frustrating when you’ve only got like a 5 min break to take your puppy out while you’re working from home. But I think it’s saves you a lot of time in the long run. All this to say, you’re doing great. It’s okay if it feels personal, but I suspect it’s not like that at all! And I hope things get better for you soon! You totally got this!!!

 

[queen_vashti]

Also I just highly recommend Susan Garret. She’s been so helpful to me to train my dog, for both me and my puppy ngl, and I’ve seen really great results already even though I haven’t been very on top of training lately.

She has this game that I highly recommend, called It’s Your Choice. It’s free but you do have to give your email. I highly recommend it! It starts off with treats, but it extends to so much (like putting on a leash or opening a door). I think it really helps you figure out what your expectations are and how to communicate that to your pup while also building their confidence.

Expectations vs. Reality

It’s Yer Choice

 

[116lover]

@dbbbb Our family dog was other way around. He would not listen to my dad and would listen perfectly to me. What had happened was within the training my dad had a different approach than I had. It’s important to train your puppy the same way as your partner because dogs are creatures of habit and like things to be clear.

My dad for instance would recall our dog only when he needed him back on the leash wich resulted in our dog never returning to my dad because recall didn’t mean recall in my dogs ears it meant I’m getting leashed. He listened perfectly fine when I recalled because I have trained him differently.

Your dog is just a baby still. So don’t expect much training to be done. Socialization, leash walking and potty training is most important at this age.