Not sure if it’s fair to my dog or me to keep going

[sydaustralia]

I’m at the point where I don’t know if it’s fair to me or my dog to keep living like this. He is 6 years old, adopted him when he was 4 months he seemed shy and timid but otherwise fine and the around 1yr he started having more general anxiety and fear aggression.

We’ve gone through training, meds, etc. and he’s never really improved enough where he’s gotten easier to manage. He bit my older brother twice and my mom once (only broke skin on one of the bites on my brother) all with no real warning. He barks at almost every noise he hears when he’s inside (I even keep my windows and blinds closed). When we’re out on walks it’s rare for us to get very far because he’s so noise sensitive and gets scared so easily and wants to drag me back home. I do my best to avoid other dogs on our walks. But I’m always scared since he can easily over power me. When he reacts to something, there isn’t a gradual increase in his heightened feelings. He just snaps, 0 to 100. We could be sitting on the couch nice and quiet. He can hear one person walking by and that’s it. He starts running laps and barking incessantly, jumping over furniture and nearly hurting himself. I usually have to wait for him to calm down on his own because when I’ve tried to intervene he redirects at me. I’m always scared he’s going hurt someone more seriously, hurt himself or hurt me. One time he saw a dog as we were leaving and pulled me down my front stoop. I got lucky and only got scrapes and bruises but it could’ve been a lot worse. He’s lunged at both strangers and other dogs.

I can’t have people over, I can’t go anywhere. (I tried visiting a friend out of state for a few days and he didn’t pee for 2.5 days so I ended up coming home early). Being able to work from home for my job helps but I don’t feel like I’m really living my life. My dad and I are the only people my dog really trusts, but my dad died from covid 2 years ago so it’s just been me now. And that’s what’s made it really hard. When needed my dad was able to take care of him to help me out. But it’s me on my own now. And I’m exhausted and I don’t know if I can do this for much longer. It’s not fair to my dog. It’s not fair to me. It breaks my heart but I’m considering BE.

EDIT 3/17: Thank you for all of your replies. Some were helpful and some were not so helpful but that’s expected with this sort of thing.

For some additional context: my dog is a 60 lb mutt (dna results showed pitbull, chow chow, German Shepard, retriever, and more) I am only 5ft tall 120 lbs. Size wasn’t initially an issue when I got him I grew up with a well behaved 60lb husky. But most of you know a well behaved large dog and a large dog with behavior issues are very different. I have seen multiple trainers and specialists for aggressive dogs that have done exactly what some not-so-helpful comments suggested I SHOULD do. I’ve tried.

As for the helpful replies, I appreciate all of kindness, understanding and sympathy in this situation when many others try to jump to their own conclusions and be judgmental. I also greatly appreciate the more blunt and realistic comments that are necessary in situations where there is a safety risk.

Even though it is the most difficult decision I will have to make, I think I know what I need to do for my own mental and physical well being, for the safety of others, and my dog. I have consulted with my vet who has known him and is aware of his issues and history. She has said “it’s not wrong.” I will be seeing my own therapist next week before making any final decisions to make sure I am taking care of myself as well.

 

[ttolainchrist]

@sydaustralia If he's miserable (going into hysterics at the sound of someone walking by definitely counts) and training and medication hasn't helped, I don't know if there's much more you can do. He's not happy and his brain is preventing him from getting there.

 

[stephen_nz]

@sydaustralia Dear one, I am sorry for your heart right now. Forgive me for the following, I do not mean to sound callous or cruel, but here we go…

Dogs that bite get put down.

I’m sorry, it sucks, but those are the rules our society has. If your dog has had multiple bites breaking skin, it’s time for you to do it before it becomes a legal necessity. I’m assuming the previous bites didn’t receive medical attention because if they had, your dog would have been reported to public health or whatever municipal agency is in charge of animal welfare. If you have a dog with a known biting history and it bites someone else, you could personally be liable. It goes from you dog being destroyed (sorry thats the word that’s used) to your dog being destroyed AND you possibly getting sued or charged.

Here is the info you have told us. Your dog has had multiple bites with increasing severity. Your dog is breaking skin. This is no longer a block bite or a play bite. This is a fear or aggression bite. Your dog is exhibiting a level 3-4 bite on a scale of 1-6. Level Six means the victim is dead.

How will you feel if it bites a kid or neighbour?

You’re not being cruel by acknowledging BE. You are being a responsible dog owner and citizen.

My heart breaks for you, but better a week too early, then a day too late.

Ps - here is the Dunbar bite scale. A level 3 bite is usually cause for BE. https://apdt.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ian-dunbar-dog-bite-scale.pdf

Edit - and screw anyone who tells you “there’s no bad dogs, only bad owners”. That’s is such a limited and uneducated crock of shit. Sometimes you have great owners, like you, and there’s just nothing that can be done to make it work.

 

[crownkeeper]

@stephen_nz OP if you need to go this route I very much recommend reading Going Home: finding peace when pets die, by Jon Katz. The author writes a section about his reactive border collie that, while difficult, is very insightful.

 

[traditiontotruth]

@sydaustralia 1) It sounds like your dog is not happy and not enjoying a good quality of life. If he's not able to relax and feel peaceful even in his own home, behavioral euthanasia might be the kindest option for him.
2) If you are not able to physically control him, you need to say goodbye. Walking a dog who may be able to physically overpower you is not safe for you, the dog, or your neighbors and their pets.
3) You deserve to be able to live your life. It's not reasonable for you to have to live in fear of redirected aggression and not be able to travel.

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. If you decide to move forward with behavioral euthanasia, please don't feel guilty. It sounds like you have done all that could be reasonably expected and then some.

 

[gust]

@traditiontotruth Completely agree with this comment. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, but despite all of your efforts, your dog isn't happy, relaxed or peaceful anywhere, ever. That must be a miserable existence. And he's strong. What would happen if you were ill, or sprained yr ankle or something; there's no one he's comfortable with, who would be safe. You've done everything, so yes, OP, please don't feel bad. It's always a kindness, in the end.

 

[jayfish]

@sydaustralia Its not fair to the dog or you.

 

[nischaly]

@sydaustralia I'm so sorry, know how hard it is to live like this. If you do choose BE, know you're doing what is best for both him and you. It's a very sad choice, but some dogs are so damaged they can never be healed...and it would be doing him a service to take away the pain he feels being constantly afraid. Your gut will tell you what is the right decision for the two of you, but no matter what, know you did everything you could for six years to make his life good, and the fact that he loves and trusts you means he has known love, which is the most important thing for reactive dogs - having a safe person and space. You gave him that.

 

[mog07]

@sydaustralia OP, it sounds like you have done whatever is possible to make your dog safe for you and others, but that it won’t be enough, whatever you do. People on here have given you ample behaviorist’s perspectives. Let me give you an opinion from a personal injury attorney’s perspective (albeit a retired one.) You really have no other practical choice but to have this dog euthanized. I have had a number of clients whose children were severely mauled by dogs, in some cases, on their faces. There is no amount of money that compensates for a childhood spent looking like a monster. You sound like you would not forgive yourself if something like that occurred, because you sound like a reasonable and decent person.