Hyperaroused dog! Help!

[jullie]

I’ll just start by saying this isn’t my dog - he lives with me 1 week of the month and I’ve told his owner countless times that something is wrong.

My dad owns a 1yr old dalmadoodle (what a cross I know). He’s not been neutered. My dad has less than idea ways of ‘training’ he either rewards the behaviour (e.g food, playing, petting) and then loses his temper and physically punishes him. To the point where he now flinches. It’s awful to see. The living situation is he lives with my dad 2 weeks of the month and then visits us for 4-7 days. I think it’ll be easier to just lost his behavioural problems:
-no recall, to the point where if you let him off the lead he was run away from you and often has to be caught by strangers because he will not be caught.
-he paws and jumps up constantly and he was a very large god
-he cannot settle himself for example today he’s been a walk this morning and a 3.5 mile run. He has not stopped pacing or pestering for 2 hours.
-he is extremely jealous of my mum, he’s not aggressive but I don’t like the way he is so hyperactive around her. Constantly sniffing chasing and pawing. He even cocks his leg on her sometimes to pee? Can someone explain why he does this to me?

I know this is not a happy dog. And it’s not making for a happy house - we’re constantly stressed because he just won’t settle. We have 2 cats and I’m worried he may escalate to aggression at some point. He’s so sweet currently but his behaviour is worse every time.

What can I do to at least alleviate his problems while he visits? I know he needs help but my dad refuses. Any time I mention his behaviour he acts like I’m being completely unreasonable and he’s not with me for long enough to do any good what won’t be undone. I’m desperate I hate being in my own home with this dog

 

[jojoz]

@jullie If there’s any way in the world you can rehome this dog, that would be what I’d try to do.

He’s anxious, he needs to be neutered, he needs to have a den or crate that is just his space that he feels safe in, and he needs to not be around an unpredictable and physical owner, sounds like. I’m sorry this is happening to you guys.

I’m very sympathetic because I’m certain that you’re doing very good work with his physical and mental stimulation (a good run and walk on the day you listed).

Some dogs, especially ones that have slightly stressful male owners, prefer women. Women often naturally change their voices and posture at least slightly when engaging with dogs in a way that can make them feel more safe. He’s probably got a weird mix of possessiveness and dependence on her. Happened to me once and we neutered and it worked like a charm. Happy with no personality changes other than a lack of roaming and stopped treating me like I was his girlfriend (although still clingy lol.)

The neutering procedure is fairly easy recovery-wise and could easily be scheduled and performed and recovered in about a week. I’m not sure what kind of impact that would have on you and your dad’s relationship and it’s certainly not an above-board option… but life is hard and stupid pointless suffering sometimes merits a bit of mischief, in my opinion. But I respect your judgement on this.

Edited to say: I do think neutering and crating (along with your very good physical engagement) would do quite a bit to make this dog feel less stressed in general and COULD potentially alleviate quite a few of the issues that you can control, your dad’s behavior not being one of them

 

[jullie]

@jojoz Unfortunately no chance of rehoming. It seems like apart from needing a lot of exercise and the lack of recall he is much better behaved in his other home. I think that’s possibly why my dad is so physical with him here - he can’t understand why he’s misbehaving. My dad isn’t a bad person (not that you were suggesting so) and loves his dog I just don’t think I knows what to do with him when he’s stressed/hyper.
We’re going to get him neutered next time he visits as it’s much expensive in the area my dad lives and he’s here for longer so will be better for him to recover from.

Once he’s neutered hopefully he might calm down a little anyway and I’m going to try and get everyone to ignore him when he tries to engage when he should be settling and then try and work on some basic training with him. I don’t really know a whole lot about dogs but I’m good at reading body language and behaviours from working with my horses so hopefully it’ll translate well lol

 

[jojoz]

@jullie I think you have a good handle on what you are able to do! I think neutering will give you guys quite a bit of relief with the roaming and the boyfriend syndrome. (I’m not sure if your parents are together and he acts this way around your mom when he’s with your dad or if he’s with you - if he’s with you when he sees your mom the boyfriend syndrome might not make sense as much.)

Your perception with horses honestly SHOULD translate quite a bit. My friends who are horse experienced know the look of a nervous, stressed animal, know the look of an animal who is plotting (lol), know the look of an animal that is content.

I definitely understand the dynamic of a good owner who is just trying to correct a needy and frantic dog.

I also really recommend crates - it’s not a great fit universally, but my dog loved it and she puts herself in there all the time when she’s stressed or needs some alone time. It also makes traveling easier because anywhere we go, she feels secure and knows where her safe space is. You don’t even need to mandate that he’s in the crate for any length of time, just get it, make it smell like him, feed him peanut butter (kongs with peanut butter set in the freezer are godsends, super cheap, hours of engagement) in there, and make it clear that’s his space only. That might give him an anchoring that allows him to feel reassured when he’s anxious.

You got this! It sounds like your dad’s dog is one of those that has a great life and is friggin bonkers anyway, what can you do lol. Some pups are zen and some pups are chaos. They’re still good buddies that we can work with to make everyone’s lives good!!!