Forced to rehome, should I get my best friend back?

[davidcochrane]

This topic has been something I’ve been bottling up for two years. I’ve sought out advice from multiple people and still don’t know what’s right for Leo.

I got Leo from a well known shelter in my hometown. My (boyfriend at the time) ex and I adopted him at eight weeks old. I was 19 and stuck in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship (this is a whole different story for a different community). My ex was an addict who stole a large sum of money from me while I worked full time to pay for all of our bills. This meant my ex was the main caretaker for Leo during the daytime.

Leo was a high energy boxer/pit mix. My ex taught him to play rough like his dad’s lab. I tried to explain that the way he played with Leo encouraged rough housing and other dogs could not keep up with how strong he was. Leo got along well with other dogs for the most part until towards the end. He had a disdain for small dogs and I could no longer take him to the dog park.

I broke up with my ex and kicked him out of house upon finding he lied about his sobriety (he was a manipulative person at his core, so it was beyond addiction that did me in). Leo was about four/five months old at this point. Thanks to my ex lacking proper skills to train him during the days, he struggled to potty train and unlearn his rough playing ways. I accept I am also to blame for this behavior. This was one of the lowest points of my life and I would bed rot for hourrrrs. Again, that is no excuse for being a lazy dog mom. However, there is no fiber in my being that loves that dog. He was my best friend at my very worst. I gave him everything I could, but my mental health could not keep up.

Whenever I’d leave for work, Leo would bark for a few minutes due to separation anxiety. I had a shitty neighbor who would complain constantly about noises. I lived in fear to play music or hang anything on my walls. Anytime I did, they would report it and pound on the walls. We had paper thin walls and I could hear a lot from them as well. Every time I wanted to play music I’d go out in the hall to make sure I couldn’t hear it. This wasn’t enough for my picky neighbor. This neighbor also had two dogs, so it wasn’t like he was anti dog. But every time he saw me walking Leo, I’d get a nasty look.

Due to all of the noise complaints, the main being Leo’s bark, my apartment threatened to evict me if I did not rehome Leo. I tried many times before to get out of the lease for various reasons, (including my ex stalking me and still having access to the apartment since his name was on the lease. I was worried for Leo and I’s safety, the leasing office didn’t care) but this complex had me locked in. I couldn’t get out. I thought about getting him registered as an ESA, but I knew Leo deserved better as well. I worked two jobs and could not be home as much as I wanted. It pained me everyday that he was all alone in my small apartment. Leo deserved a loving family with a fenced in yard.

I looked for people to take him in, but the shelter I got him from told me I had no choice but to bring him back there. Luckily, the shelter takes good care of their dogs and I get to see updates on their Facebook of him playing fetch outside. I had to bring Leo in September of 2022. This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I lay awake at night wishing I could give him cuddles. It pains me for him to think I abandoned him.

This summer one of my friends went to visit him for me, she said he was placed in their behavioral unit since he could get carried away playing with other dogs and being territorial.

I’m at a different place in my life now. I have a roommate who used to dog sit for me. She has expressed interest in getting him back and helping me take care of him. Her mom has offered to go through the adoption process for him since I would be unable to re adopt through the shelter. I live in an apartment still, but I have a large patio with a doggie door and live next to a park. I also would have someone to help me out with care also.

However I can’t help but struggle with what would be best for Leo. What if I can’t fully train him or handle his high energy? What if an apartment is a terrible place for him? A dog is a huge commitment I was not ready for at 19/20. I’m definitely more equipped at my age now. Both of my parents dogs I grew up with passed this summer. I miss having a furry friend in my life. It would feel like a betrayal to adopt a different dog knowing Leo’s still at the shelter.

Please please help me. It physically pains me in my heart thinking about when I had to rehome him. I’m honestly at a loss. Do I try to get him back? Is it okay if I were to adopt a different dog that’s better suited for apartment life? Thank you for reading!

 

[dontajohnson]

@davidcochrane Wow, that sounds awful. I’m glad to hear you’re out of that relationship. I don’t know enough about your situation to feel comfortable giving a strong yes/no answer. But here are some things to think about:

Between the issues he already had with other dogs as a puppy, the length of time he’s been in the shelter and the behavior issues he’s gained there, and the fact most pit bulls are genetically dog aggressive to some degree (according to the APBT breed standard), Leo’s behavior problems have probably gotten worse, not better. Are you prepared to manage a big dog that is aggressive toward other dogs? If he can’t go to the park, will leashed walks and your patio be enough to meet his exercise needs?

How stable is your housing situation? A lot of apartments have size limits and/or don’t allow pits and pit mixes, so if you’ll be moving anytime soon, the availability of housing is something to think about.

What is your work schedule like now? Do you have enough time to meet the needs of a large, young, high energy dog?

If you go through all these questions and feel confident that you can meet his needs and handle the potential issues, then I would say go for it. If not, you should not feel any shame adopting a different dog. Honestly recognizing that you can’t meet his needs is different from “abandoning” him, and by adopting a different dog, you’d still be giving a dog a home.

If that’s the case, I would look for a dog that is a bit older, because in my experience, age makes a huge difference in energy levels and how well a dog can handle apartment life. A middle aged or older dog may be totally content in an apartment even if a young dog of the same breed would be bouncing off the walls. I don’t live in an apartment now, but I’m glad my dog was older when I did. He was pretty chill and didn’t need a lot of space. My current young dog would go nuts without a yard, despite being about the same size and half the same breed.