amandalynn
New member
CW: behavioral euthanasia, aggression
Hi there, I brought home a 12 week old American Eskimo puppy, Lily, on May 1. I'm really struggling with puppy blues compounded from past trauma from my last dog.
We adopted a 3 year old mixed breed of unknown background from a shelter in June 2020 and I was over the moon to get her. I grew up with dogs and always wanted one as an adult, and was thrilled to finally be approved. Unfortunately, as she came out of her shell, it became apparent she had serious issues. Resource guarding? check. Dog reactivity? check. Severe territorialism? check. Touch reactivity? check. Unpredictable owner-directed aggression? check. Crate reactivity? check. Between October and December, my husband and/or I were getting bitten once a week, including a Level 4 bite that was totally unprovoked (yes, it actually was, according to the behaviorist - we weren't misreading her body language). We tried all we could - positive reinforcement trainers, medication, working with her primary vet, and working with a veterinary behaviorist. When we got an incredibly restrictive management plan with a poor prognosis, we made the difficult decision to pursue behavioral euthanasia in December. Please, no second guessing.
Despite all her serious issues, I loved her. I enjoyed sitting on the couch with her. She was beautiful. I felt bonded to her. Losing her sent me into serious grief, but I have never doubted we made the right decision--it was unsafe for us and our community. I would absolutely classify it as a traumatic experience, both physically and emotionally.
I've been DYING to get a dog ever since then and have been researching puppies ever since. Because of our experience with a dog with unknown provenance, we decided to get a dog from a reputable breeder from a breed that seemed like a good fit for us. We found a woman who has been breeding Eskies for 50 years, is the president of the UKC Eskie club, is a judge at shows, and is a behaviorist who works for Purina and has training in genetics - seriously knows her stuff. Lily is from a champion line, as they say.
And man...my reaction has NOT been what I expected.
I feel this intense internal pressure to get her socialization period right, lest I turn her into a Lucy, and it's making it hard to just enjoy her. If she exhibits normal puppy problems, I spiral that it will escalate into serious behavioral issues. The breeder recommended that she stay with the mother until 12 weeks to learn canine social behavior, so we have just 4 weeks left of it (the breeder socialized her, too). Examples:
She whines and barks when my husband and I leave the room. This means she will have serious separation anxiety and we will never be able to go on a date or vacation again.
She barked and howled in the crate for the first night for over an hour, so we puppy proofed the bedroom and let her free roam on the floor. Now I fear she will never be crate trained and again, separation anxiety. This is in spite of us spending the last week feeding her in the crate, giving her lots of treats and kongs, etc. She took two hour-long daytime naps in the crate today! with the door closed!
We introduced her to a friend's boisterous 30lb, 18 week old pup (she is about 10lbs) and she wasn't too sure about him. He kept lunging to play with her and she would back off. We let her set the pace of things, and she was content to sit a few feet away and watch him. She even tried to sniff him a few times but withdrew when he lunged. My brain: this means she will be dog reactive forever.
And on and on. Objectively, I know she is a really good dog. And my husband has been a total rockstar in supporting me amidst this life transition. She knows sit already and is learning recall and potty training with good progress. It's only been 9 days. I spiral when the progress isn't linear, fearing that I'm screwing something up during this impressionable time; but I need to accept that setbacks are inevitable and normal. And all the stress and pressure makes me feel like I'm drowning. Her needs feel oppressive, even though they are straightforward. I'm also just exhausted and deal really poorly with sleep deprivation; I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like I'm not psychologically strong enough to have a dog after my last experience, even though I thought I was ready and planned obsessively for it. All the stress and trauma and crying (which I try to keep away from her) has formed a barrier to bonding with the dog. She's just...this burden. This specter of possibility that I invited another Lucy into my life. It's hard for me to even feel joy at the successes, like her crate naps today. They move me from despair to neutral, but it's hard to feel happiness.
Reading the puppy blues posts have been super helpful. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not screwing up this dog, and that I will come to love and enjoy her, not just resent her? We have her first vet visit tomorrow and puppy kindergarten starting on Sunday. I'm hoping getting some professional help will make me feel better. Speaking of which, I have human therapy tomorrow too, for the first time since bringing her home. Has anyone else had the experience of bringing home a new puppy after having one with behavioral issues? How did you cope?
Pictures of Lily:
https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipMpvSz1V2NeIDEh6Nft9FvCmQvX36oNfkxO6ymU
https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipMPPW89juknCtp4l4i59zkr9mGibvT7cf37AheF
https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipMEigg9DxbYQMi4-qDRgK2RPdCvsIFI1ODnkcs1
Hi there, I brought home a 12 week old American Eskimo puppy, Lily, on May 1. I'm really struggling with puppy blues compounded from past trauma from my last dog.
We adopted a 3 year old mixed breed of unknown background from a shelter in June 2020 and I was over the moon to get her. I grew up with dogs and always wanted one as an adult, and was thrilled to finally be approved. Unfortunately, as she came out of her shell, it became apparent she had serious issues. Resource guarding? check. Dog reactivity? check. Severe territorialism? check. Touch reactivity? check. Unpredictable owner-directed aggression? check. Crate reactivity? check. Between October and December, my husband and/or I were getting bitten once a week, including a Level 4 bite that was totally unprovoked (yes, it actually was, according to the behaviorist - we weren't misreading her body language). We tried all we could - positive reinforcement trainers, medication, working with her primary vet, and working with a veterinary behaviorist. When we got an incredibly restrictive management plan with a poor prognosis, we made the difficult decision to pursue behavioral euthanasia in December. Please, no second guessing.
Despite all her serious issues, I loved her. I enjoyed sitting on the couch with her. She was beautiful. I felt bonded to her. Losing her sent me into serious grief, but I have never doubted we made the right decision--it was unsafe for us and our community. I would absolutely classify it as a traumatic experience, both physically and emotionally.
I've been DYING to get a dog ever since then and have been researching puppies ever since. Because of our experience with a dog with unknown provenance, we decided to get a dog from a reputable breeder from a breed that seemed like a good fit for us. We found a woman who has been breeding Eskies for 50 years, is the president of the UKC Eskie club, is a judge at shows, and is a behaviorist who works for Purina and has training in genetics - seriously knows her stuff. Lily is from a champion line, as they say.
And man...my reaction has NOT been what I expected.
I feel this intense internal pressure to get her socialization period right, lest I turn her into a Lucy, and it's making it hard to just enjoy her. If she exhibits normal puppy problems, I spiral that it will escalate into serious behavioral issues. The breeder recommended that she stay with the mother until 12 weeks to learn canine social behavior, so we have just 4 weeks left of it (the breeder socialized her, too). Examples:
She whines and barks when my husband and I leave the room. This means she will have serious separation anxiety and we will never be able to go on a date or vacation again.
She barked and howled in the crate for the first night for over an hour, so we puppy proofed the bedroom and let her free roam on the floor. Now I fear she will never be crate trained and again, separation anxiety. This is in spite of us spending the last week feeding her in the crate, giving her lots of treats and kongs, etc. She took two hour-long daytime naps in the crate today! with the door closed!
We introduced her to a friend's boisterous 30lb, 18 week old pup (she is about 10lbs) and she wasn't too sure about him. He kept lunging to play with her and she would back off. We let her set the pace of things, and she was content to sit a few feet away and watch him. She even tried to sniff him a few times but withdrew when he lunged. My brain: this means she will be dog reactive forever.
And on and on. Objectively, I know she is a really good dog. And my husband has been a total rockstar in supporting me amidst this life transition. She knows sit already and is learning recall and potty training with good progress. It's only been 9 days. I spiral when the progress isn't linear, fearing that I'm screwing something up during this impressionable time; but I need to accept that setbacks are inevitable and normal. And all the stress and pressure makes me feel like I'm drowning. Her needs feel oppressive, even though they are straightforward. I'm also just exhausted and deal really poorly with sleep deprivation; I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like I'm not psychologically strong enough to have a dog after my last experience, even though I thought I was ready and planned obsessively for it. All the stress and trauma and crying (which I try to keep away from her) has formed a barrier to bonding with the dog. She's just...this burden. This specter of possibility that I invited another Lucy into my life. It's hard for me to even feel joy at the successes, like her crate naps today. They move me from despair to neutral, but it's hard to feel happiness.
Reading the puppy blues posts have been super helpful. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not screwing up this dog, and that I will come to love and enjoy her, not just resent her? We have her first vet visit tomorrow and puppy kindergarten starting on Sunday. I'm hoping getting some professional help will make me feel better. Speaking of which, I have human therapy tomorrow too, for the first time since bringing her home. Has anyone else had the experience of bringing home a new puppy after having one with behavioral issues? How did you cope?
Pictures of Lily:
https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipMpvSz1V2NeIDEh6Nft9FvCmQvX36oNfkxO6ymU
https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipMPPW89juknCtp4l4i59zkr9mGibvT7cf37AheF
https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipMEigg9DxbYQMi4-qDRgK2RPdCvsIFI1ODnkcs1
Based on the posts here this seems normal, but I’m sure it’s more intense for you because of your previous experience. 
I’ve never been through having to put a dog down and I’m so sorry you had to experience that. We have to keep the faith that our dogs are just crazy puppies and will be ok. I don’t know if this helps but it’s nice to feel less alone.