BE: Thank you

[andy11111]

This morning we put our 5yo cattle dog mix to rest.

Without going too deep into it, I just wanted to thank everyone who posts and comments on here. We’ve had him for 4 years and we’re frequent lurkers of the sub. Think I or my wife may have posted a couple of times in the past, but not quite sure. This is a really helpful community that gave us plenty of guidance over the years, including up to the very end.

I know in my heart we did everything we could for our sweet boy. But it really helps to see other people’s experiences and know that we’re not alone, and we’re not crazy for thinking we could continue, and we’re not evil for deciding not to after x amount of successful bites, each progressively worse than the last, even when he’s the most perfect companion 99% of the time.

If I can give any advice at all to anyone considering BE, it’s to listen to this podcast episode recommended by one of our trainers and to read the experiences of people on this sub. It really helps.

Our home feels really empty right now and I’ve never cried so much in my life, but it’s also much safer for us, our friends and family, and our other dog. And we’ll be okay.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@andy11111 Check out losing Lulu on facebook; they're an amazing support group.

 

[cuth6et]

@andy11111 Yes, I had looked at it last week and they make it clear that the group is for after your pet is gone. Please don't judge them by that and consider going back to them. They are a grief support group - similar to those for humans who have lost a loved one which is different than groups like this one that discuss the options. (oops update - I just read further down that you are contacting them. I hope you find solace there. You did the right thing for your family and your dog.

 

[andy11111]

@cuth6et I appreciate it. Thank you for the explanation and the kind words.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@andy11111 yes, it's true.

The reason is that they cannot let people who have not done BE yet. It's cuz a loooot of people are asking for advice on if they should BE or not when the group is just meant to be a support group after BEs. I understand where you're coming from but they just have so many people in the group as moderators it's hard to enforce things and they're just trynna do what's in their control. They had leaks of people posting things from the group and these are just people with jobs trynna help in their free time. They can only do so much and that includes only being able to let people in who aren't going to be asking for advice on BE choices.

i got a similar message initially and was a bit annoyed but now that it's been a couple months imo it's understandable with over 30K members in that group! I don't feel like their message was cold; i think it's just to the point and online esp when we are dealing with something difficult like this we may tend to take their generic message they send to many people a day and feel like they aren't empathetic.

Just my take on it; I've seen this group go through crazy leaks and the moderators trying and having to deal with things like they need to do it full time. Again this is just my take after seeing how much these moderators seem to have to do on a day to day basis and how much they have to work when personal details get leaked.

 

[andy11111]

@imagebeastmarkbeast I completely hear you. I can only imagine, especially with such a controversial topic and on Facebook no less, how hard it is to keep people from being assholes. And you’re probably right and I put too much on the tone, or lack thereof. I work in branding and customer experience, so I’m probably just being overly critical.

But at your advice, I just signed up and will be encouraging my wife to try again. Thank you.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@andy11111 I understand where you're coming from and it's okay, you're going thru it right now! Best of luck; and if the group is overwhelming it's absolutely ok to pause the group if needed. Reach out if you need anything

 

[dr650adv]

@andy11111 Just FYI, they don’t admit people who have not yet experienced BE to join. Conversation about the decision is upsetting to a lot of the people who post there. The forum is great, but it’s just not there to provide pre-BE support.

They turned me off for other reasons, so I totally get it if it isn’t for you. And I know it can sting to get any negative response when you’re reaching out for support. But what they offer is very specific to venting AFTER behavioral euthanasia and they control that really tightly.

 

[andy11111]

@dr650adv I hear you, and there’s definitely something to be said about keeping that under control. Thanks