A question for his final day

[parentucelli]

This isn't what you probably think, today is my 10 year old German Shepherd's last day. I sit here writing this with red eyes after I've just taken him out to do his morning business for the last time.

Tonight, a Vet from a local home euthanasia service will be putting Loki to sleep after we received the horrible news on Wednesday that he has advanced lung cancer that's spread from other areas of his body, and he would not make it through the Holidays.

This will undoubtedly ruin my niece's Christmas AND birthday, which are close together. But after hearing from the vet and changing my perspective I decided it's better to put him to sleep now than letting him suffer trying to make it through the holidays and having those memories be her last of him. On a side note: Fuck cancer.

Please hug your fur friends\family close if you can and cherish the moments and time you spend together.

I'm grateful that my employer is letting me spend these last few days working from home so I can get some final time with him. I watch him struggling to breath, reinforcing my belief I'm doing the right thing for a moment- while a selfish instinct in my brain occasionally torments me as the dog tries to act all playful like he used to for a few minutes before he's too winded and the struggle to breath forces him to stop. During these moments of playful antics I selfishly question if the vet was maybe wrong....what if the x-ray didn't mean what she thought...maybe he'll be fine for a few more years...maybe I'm taking his life too soon. Maybe i'm killing him needlessly...then the strain of his exertion...and I hate myself for being selfish. I trust the science...I trust the vet.

It has been horrible to watch him closely since Thanksgiving, it's almost like his health worsened after going to the vets...I'd have sworn on Monday and Tuesday that he was getting better. He'd started eating again, he wasn't coughing as much...then we had that damn vet appointment and after he had that fucking x-ray it's like his health just took a nose dive since.

But I digress, that isn't what this was about. I've done as much as I could to spoil him these past two days. Tonight at around 6PM EST he will be put to sleep and his suffering ends...and mine truly begins. My best friend of roughly 10 years will have left me behind. I do not believe in heaven\hell or any of that rainbow bridge shit...but for the first time in a long time in my life I find myself wishing and hoping I'm wrong...hoping that there's more, and he'll be playing in the sky and waiting for me to join him again one day.

But I'm doing all I can to make his final hours enjoyable, one final treat I'd like to give him before his passing is a Reese's peanut butter cup. He has always loved peanut butter, and throughout his life he's always been extremely insistent that he would like one...I knew the chocolate in it could kill him, so I never gave him any...today that's obviously going to change. My question to all of you, as morbid as it is....how long would it take to make him sick? I want to know so I can time it accordingly with the arrival of the vet. I want him to be happy and enjoy it for as long as he can without the adverse affects taking a toll on him.

Maybe I should give it to him right before, I haven't decided...I just want to make sure he has time to enjoy it...when new people are around, he's often too excited to care about treats and I'd hate for him to miss out. Tonight I have to say goodbye to my best friend- i'm already broken and the true pain hasn't even started.

https://imgur.com/oLS9tdK

 

[iamwolf]

@parentucelli Gosh that is a gorgeous pup.

Regarding chocolate - found calculator online https://www.vets-now.com/dog-chocolate-toxicity-calculator/ - it will state how much chocolate can the dog eat before any consequences. It is Best to be cautious but gsd is a big pup. Timing: https://www.bostonveterinary.com/web-tails/can-dogs-eat-chocolate/ per this source looks like plenty of time, I saw 6 hours being thrown around in anither article.

I know that opinion of a random person on the internet is not the most important thing, but I admire your courage with not waiting and forcing your pets' life through the holidays. In the end it would be their suffering to just give you one more day, or month, but the decision to put them to sleep is a heartbreaking one. Best of luck with the rest of your day.

 

[parentucelli]

@iamwolf Thank you so much for this, it's extremely comforting to know he can enjoy a reeses cup or two a few hours in advance without having to worry about negative side effects. I've always mistakenly thought chocolate was an immediately toxic substance for them, so I'm glad I was mistaken and this knowledge helps knowing he can enjoy one or two cups without having to worry about suffering consequences from it.

I just have to figure out what else I can do to bring him some joy on his final day...thank you again.

 

[faithconfusion]

@parentucelli Hey friend, so sorry to hear about this but you're doing what's best for your family and your dog it sounds like.

I recently had a very similar experience, and used a similar service to say goodbye to our 9 year old GSD, and my God what a last few meals she had. But the service also suggested having treats to give to her right up until the injections so if possible, I'd try to give that as your dogs last treat. My pup pretty much went to sleep with her nose in a jar of peanut butter, very peacefully.

I know there's nothing anyone can say to take the pain out of this equation but try to keep in mind that for as long as that pup has been a part of your life they never once had to question whether they were loved, apart of you or apart of your family, and if we could all know that going into the white light, we'd be lucky.